When we want to do something, it is influenced by 'pull' as well as 'push' factors. Pull factors are those that motivate us to do it while push factors are those that force us to take certain actions (change the status quo) or inaction (remain status quo).
Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.
I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).
So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.
If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?
So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)
5 comments:
If fear of unknown, is unknown a fear? If unfear of known, is known an unfear?
Thanks for a 'tricky' question. Perhaps a story will help answer the questions. There was a lady who was born in a village in China. His father decided to marry her to a guy from another village. She wa very sad and on the day of wedding, the father had to literally dragged her over to the other village. After a year, this lady was lying on the bench, eating grapes and was enjoying life. She wondered why it was sad for her to marry to another village when all was waiting was a good life - Zhuang Zi.
So whether it is fear of known or unknown, it is about letting go attachment. We probably clinged badly to life in our past life before we were born in this life because we thought the past life was better. Soon when we die, we probably will cling to this life thinking this is the best ever. hahaha.... kua
I agree with you. Yet i think most of the time we are so used to attach to somebody or something, but the fact is detach makes us grow stronger, also if we understand nothing we can hold to. To detach, we need to face our true selves and have enough courage to move forward alone. Not many people can face their true selves, nor can be alone, and they care how the society and others look at them. So, only the brave one can do so. You think so?
Dear Happy,
Fully agree with the comment of being honest with oneself. In fact, half of the problems we have in our lives are due to it :)
Before we know where we can go, we must know where we ARE right now i.e. how to get from point A to point B. But because when one is not honest with oneself, point A is never established. So, how to get to point B?
Very much agree with what you said.
You see, they are reasons why people never honest to themselves. Perhaps they don't want to see own problems or weaknesses, or they aware but they don't want to admit, or they don't admit when someone tell them simply because of ego, or lastly they know it's not right but they just don't want to take any action.
Perhaps some other reasons like they are fear of change, or they care how other see them if they make the change, or if they agree to change seems like their belief is 'shaky' in other's eyes, or they worry that they could not take any consequences after action taken.
So i believe being honest is not easy, and only only the brave one can do so.
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