No, we are not talking about super power or playing with god. Not that deep or far-fetched. We are talking about the power of parents.
When I go to a friend's place, I notice different attitudes of their children. Some greet me and ask after me. Some are too engrossed with what they are doing and cannot be bothered about my presence or probably not worth bothering.
Well, for children, having visitors was a first experience at some point their process of growing. They naturally responded in the best way they thought in that situation then and that response became their benchmark. As time went by, that became their attitude. However if the parents interfered with that response and insisted that their kids must greet visitor regardless of what they were doing then, it would influence the response of their kids.
What does this mean? It means that parents have the power to create, destroy or continue any tradition. Each generation is a cross road and the parents bear the highest responsibility. If you teach your kids your mother tongue, that it shall continue for another generation. When your kids teach their kids the mother tongue, it will then be transferred for another generation.
So parents united, use your power and use it carefully.
Happy Mother's Day!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 09, 2009
My very own anger management
I bought some educational CD's that I can play in the car while I'm stuck in jams. This CD makes such an impact to me that I think it is worth sharing. And the beauty is that it's so easy to have a traffic jam and so opportunities to perfect my anger management is abundant. Ever since I realized some truths of anger, I have not been angry since Feb this year. If there were some 'near-misses', i felt bad and I think that is a good start. At least I know I want to manage better.
Here are my management tips:
Sea water
What is the difference between pure water and sea water? Sea water is most salty of course. But it is actually pure water but mixed with salt. So, sea water is actually pure water but it is 'contaminated with salt'. Same goes for people. There are people who are rude. Is that the person or is that his attitude? If we are able to treat that all people are 'pure water' but some become salty because of the 'salty attitude', we could then be more forgiving. It's not him. It's not his face. It's not his dressing. It's his attitude today. When I look around the cars stuck around me, I see 2 things in each face. The pure person and the 'salty' attitude. And sometimes I wish I could help them ease some irritation on their face. To do that , I allow them to come into my line instead of 'I hate people jumping the line!!!!!!'
If the above step doesn't work, never mind. Try the next:
Stabbing ourselves
Each time I'm angry, I feel pain or discomfort in my physical heart. So I imagine that each time I'm angry, it's like I am stabbing my own heart with an invisible knife. The knife may be virtual but the pain is true. So now, each time I feel like getting angry, the image of myself stabbing my own heart stops my anger. Why am I hurting myself when someones does something wrong? When the incident is over, I reflect upon it hours later and realize that it is not just the anger at the moment. If that happens, it will also probably affect my positive mood from that incident until the time I reflect. All in all, it's not worth it.
If the above still doesn't help, try this:
The big 'MY'
It is irritating because it is blocking MY view. The car is delaying MY appointment. He is trying to squeeze into MY line. He is spoiling MY day. Mine...oh....mine. Oh MY god. I did it MY way. Notice that the problem arises because it is MY thing? If in a jam, we don't treat the line we are following is MY line, most likely, when another car is joining the traffic, you don't feel 'trespassed' because it is not MY line anymore. It's our line.
Still cannot work? Then use the more conventional way:
Patience is a virtue
In most religions I have seen, patience has always been regarded as a virtue, something the followers ought to cultivate. So, all the irritating incidents that are happening is a way for us to cultivate patience. When we are angry each time there is an irritating incident, that means we are far from perfection. If we are half the time angry, hey...i am 50% from perfect. If we can handle each situation, then congrats! You have perfected patience. Finally, patience can be measured.
I'm sorry for those who don't have a jam to practice anger management. For the rest, aren't we lucky to have jams? Aaaaaahhh...Monday's jam is the best one!
Here are my management tips:
Sea water
What is the difference between pure water and sea water? Sea water is most salty of course. But it is actually pure water but mixed with salt. So, sea water is actually pure water but it is 'contaminated with salt'. Same goes for people. There are people who are rude. Is that the person or is that his attitude? If we are able to treat that all people are 'pure water' but some become salty because of the 'salty attitude', we could then be more forgiving. It's not him. It's not his face. It's not his dressing. It's his attitude today. When I look around the cars stuck around me, I see 2 things in each face. The pure person and the 'salty' attitude. And sometimes I wish I could help them ease some irritation on their face. To do that , I allow them to come into my line instead of 'I hate people jumping the line!!!!!!'
If the above step doesn't work, never mind. Try the next:
Stabbing ourselves
Each time I'm angry, I feel pain or discomfort in my physical heart. So I imagine that each time I'm angry, it's like I am stabbing my own heart with an invisible knife. The knife may be virtual but the pain is true. So now, each time I feel like getting angry, the image of myself stabbing my own heart stops my anger. Why am I hurting myself when someones does something wrong? When the incident is over, I reflect upon it hours later and realize that it is not just the anger at the moment. If that happens, it will also probably affect my positive mood from that incident until the time I reflect. All in all, it's not worth it.
If the above still doesn't help, try this:
The big 'MY'
It is irritating because it is blocking MY view. The car is delaying MY appointment. He is trying to squeeze into MY line. He is spoiling MY day. Mine...oh....mine. Oh MY god. I did it MY way. Notice that the problem arises because it is MY thing? If in a jam, we don't treat the line we are following is MY line, most likely, when another car is joining the traffic, you don't feel 'trespassed' because it is not MY line anymore. It's our line.
Still cannot work? Then use the more conventional way:
Patience is a virtue
In most religions I have seen, patience has always been regarded as a virtue, something the followers ought to cultivate. So, all the irritating incidents that are happening is a way for us to cultivate patience. When we are angry each time there is an irritating incident, that means we are far from perfection. If we are half the time angry, hey...i am 50% from perfect. If we can handle each situation, then congrats! You have perfected patience. Finally, patience can be measured.
I'm sorry for those who don't have a jam to practice anger management. For the rest, aren't we lucky to have jams? Aaaaaahhh...Monday's jam is the best one!
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