I have read a book by Richard Ludlum about spy stories and he mentioned a very good insight about common sense. "Common sense is not seen from our eyes, but from the other guy's eyes". What looks illogical to us makes perfect logical sense for the other guy. There are many reasons but one key point is our codes of ethics (COE).
Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.
All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.
So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.
Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:
1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".
2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.
3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".
Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!
3 comments:
COE for whom? Ourselves or society? We do care how others look at us, but we hope we don't sometimes. So whom to answer to COE? Ourselves or others? We hope we do things as we wish, but in other's eye there are always rules to follow. So what can do?
Thanks for comments. The purpose of the article is to guide us to understand why some people behave the way they behave. In our daily life, if we cannot understand why one person has a very different attitude towards subject A and B which happen to be very similar from our angle, then perhaps a chat with the person on his COE will help us understand why he acts in that manner.
Thank you for your comment, Kua. It inspires me about the importance of communication.
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