I want! I want!

For those who have kids, this phrase reminds us of the weekends and school holidays when they are literally terrorizing the home. But, do notice that small kids almost never use the phrase ‘I have to’? It’s always either ‘I want to’ or ‘I don’t want to’.

I believe that when we say ‘I want’, we are subconsciously telling what our emotion desires. In other words, there’s a passion for something and we are ready to put effort to get it. When we say ‘I have to’, it is more of the logical mind that’s doing the talking. It may not be the thing that we like to do, but needs to be done for whatever reasons, be it professionalism, fear or habit.

Recently, I started observing conversations among adults. I notice that my subjects have replaced ‘I want’ with ‘I have to’ significantly. Almost all the things we do are ‘I have to’! Look at these common sentences:

I have to finish this report before lunch
I have to go back early today because my wife is sick
I have to baby sit this weekend
And the ultimate: I have to clear my leave!! What a noble act… clear leave!

We sound so victimized….

We humans have the capability to choose the emotion we want to feel. We have the power to make meaning out of a situation. If people say ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ then it’s the same to say ‘Meaning is in the eyes of the beholder’. How you make meaning out of a situation is at the end of the day, what emotions you choose to feel.

Back to the examples of ‘I have to’,. Isn’t it lovelier if we can say:

I want to finish this report before lunch so that it will never bother me again
I want to go back early to take care of my poor wife
I want to play with my babies this weekend
I want to go on holidays!

How beautiful all of a sudden in the world of ‘I want’. We suddenly sound as if we are in control, we are getting what we want, we are enjoying ourselves.

But why we use ‘I have to’ so often? Many reasons. It makes us look more matured perhaps; we are seen to be more logic-driven and less emotionally driven. It’s blame-free perhaps since we did not choose but was forced by the situation to do it. We stop liking things perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

There’s just no passion for anything. We long forget about aspiration. We want to be blame-free and we end up in a situation that we do not like but yet still blame the environment instead of ourselves. We want to maintain status quo and refuse to learn and as a result, the world passes us by. We then blame the world for deserting us while it was actually us who deserted the world.

So, how can we change from a 'hunted' to a 'hunter'? Try this little exercise today. How many ‘I have to’ can we replace with ‘I want’? Here are a few practical examples:

a) I want to wake up at 6 tomorrow morning to be punctual
b) I want to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight
c) I want to go on holidays in September
d) I want to buy a new watch this weekend