Mary was awakened by a large shout. "hey, quick! Before anyone gets all the petrol." With blurry eyes, Mary woke up and wearily got off from the car. She went to the convenient store to get some bread and drinks while her husband , Sim, frantically filled the car with petrol. Behind their car was easily another five cars. Petrol price increase? Perhaps. By the time Mary came out from the shop, Sim was already behind the wheel, ready to hit the road again.
As they sped off, Mary pulled out food from a white plastic bag and shared with her family. About 6 hours later, they pulled over to another petrol station. Mary cautioned Sim to slow down as she knew there was a pothole nearby this station that was as huge as a wok. How could she ever know about it? A deja vu? No. She was here last year.
In fact, Mary had been doing that for the last 30 years, only that she was younger then and it was their parents that were rushing. Where was she rushing? She had no ideas, but just like others, rushing to get more petrol. But to where? Absolutely no idea too. She had been plying the route plotted with a few hundreds petrol stations in circles for the last 30 years and was prepared to do so till she died. But why she did it? She wasn’t prepared to know.
This could be another show of the mysterious 'twilight zone' TV series which challenged the mind to think. But unfortunately it is not. It is what billions of people are doing every day. We tried to get more petrol (money) to fuel our journey (life) but yet not many are sure where we're rushing to. We could see many people around us doing the same and so how could it be wrong??!! So, a lot of people ended up moving in circles and cycles. Birth & death, resignation & new jobs, disease & health, budgets & reviews, winning and losing, gains & losses...
We are doing our best to maintain the 'course'. But where is this 'course' leading you? If it's a happy-go-lucky ride all the time, then at least we can say 'we ain't going anywhere coz it's great here'. But most of the times, it's not. Despite the pain, we convince ourselves ‘that's the way to do it’. It will get us where we want.’ Yes, but where???
Unless we know where we are rushing to, there is really no meaning in this rushing. We must be able to differentiate between a goal and a method. We work hard because that’s a ‘method’ to get money. But getting money is not the goal. What do you intend to do with the money? Do you ‘re-invest’ into the course to get more money? If that’s the case, it is still the method and not the goal!
‘Where are we going?’ is a profound question that is not easy to answer. To find a purpose for life can be a search of a life time. But not only that…it also varies by individuals.
But for those who want a suggestion, may I humbly share my strategy:
I do not know where I want to go to because my mind is unclear
My mind is unclear because there is too much distraction
I need better focus to avoid such distractions
By then, my mind will be clear and naturally I’ll see the tangent to this cycle…and get out of it!
Simply put, it means:
‘Do good, avoid evil, purify your mind’
Friday, December 09, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
The Relationship of ‘C’ – based on a true story
Being a relatively more analytical person, I almost analyze anything and relationship is not exception. What is interesting is that as I go through the stages of my relationship with my wife, from classmates to husband and wife, I am quite amazed that every stage of our relationship begins with the letter ’C’. I even observe friends’ relationship and realized that they go through the same stage as mine too. Perhaps as you continue reading, yours fall into the same pattern…
Common. When we first get attracted to someone, we always talk about common things. It could be a common interest, a common gym, a common workplace and most of the time, we talk about ‘other people’ and events that are commonly known. If those guys seem to click with each other, then move on the stage to…
Confession. This is the time when things get a bit intimate (not physically though!) Your partner starts telling you things that you did not ask i.e. confessing. She may tell you about her past dark side, and you may tell her about your failed relationship or abusive parent. If you are at this stage, be clear about what you want as this is where a boyfriend-girlfriend thing usually starts. Once the relationship sparks, wow, then the 1st 2 weeks are like heaven on earth! The world is bright and shining and even pain seems to be more beautiful! What’s my advice? Make full use for it as rain is about to pour…
Control. What comes after bright sky? Yes, rain of course. This is the time when both try to influence each other. Your girlfriend may tell you that your hairstyle is outdated. You may find her using the word ‘hate’ excessively. This is the time that makes or breaks a relationship. For those who sacrifice in the name of love, they will endure this torrential rain of nagging but it has to be both parties. Otherwise, this is the beginning of the ending. From control, it can go to conflict.
Let’s say you bring enough umbrellas for this weather…
Compromise. This is when you have 10 ‘should do’ but are willing to cut down to 5 if your girlfriend agrees to comply. You, on the other hand, agree to follow 5 of your girlfriends ‘must have’. Not happy but okay. Life can go on. While the big rain is gone, there are scattered intermittent showers from time to time. This usually happens when your girlfriend’s best mate asks her why your belly is getting bigger and your girlfriend will reply ‘aaah, that guy just doesn’t listen. Keep going out with his gang of lousy friends whose average waist is 38 inches!’. Don’t laugh yet okay. You are the same too. You will sit together with your fatty friends and see some gorgeous ladies at the store with long silky hair. There you go mumbling “I always tell my girlfriend that long hair is the universal beauty but she keeps her hair short like a tomboy!” Anyway, life goes on…
Commitment. This word is usually received with some trauma by men. Anyway, this is the time when the turbulence is over and things move the same way day-in-day-out. To create some excitement out of this monotonous life, you or your partner suddenly have this brilliant idea called “let’s get married”! Some are not impulsive though. Some are well planned. For these, it is not a sudden spark of idea but a well conceived plan from Day One. They will utter something short but with very deep meaning that you can find an excuse to avoid. “It’s time”. There goes the wedding plan. You plan all the way until you can even tell what flowers you want to use that day. But ask a question beyond that big day, it is a brief “don’t know”. You plan to have kids? DK. You guys going for honeymoon. DK. Then comes the big party where half of the people that attend the weeding you also DK.
Confusion. One way or another, we manage to get over the hangover of the word ‘wedding’ and got back into life. New house, new bed, new bills but same spouse? As there are no plans earlier what will happen after wedding, naturally there is just a big wide space right in front of you. Well, some talk to others and manage to develop some sort of plan to move forward. Others prefer self-discovery and are still self-discovering after 5 years! But I have to say some are more unfortunate. They branch out to the ‘condemned avenue and are stuck for the rest of their waking hours. For those who don’t, somehow they will soon upgrade to the next stage…
Contentment. It’s not because everything turns out in the way you want it to be, but because whether it is good or bad, you seem to ‘like’ it! It’s like nature-lovers who appreciate the beauty of mountains and disasters of seas. It has a deeper meaning than just feeling good about an event. It is a more profound respect and peace for nature….’come what may, I’m here to stay’ attitude you got there! Fully confident, I’m eager to upgrade to the next stage. But I cannot report further until I pass this stage.
I’m sure there are many C’s lie ahead for life is a big learning institution. Could it be contagious? Perhaps conspicuous? Or even condemned?? Well, let’s find out!
Common. When we first get attracted to someone, we always talk about common things. It could be a common interest, a common gym, a common workplace and most of the time, we talk about ‘other people’ and events that are commonly known. If those guys seem to click with each other, then move on the stage to…
Confession. This is the time when things get a bit intimate (not physically though!) Your partner starts telling you things that you did not ask i.e. confessing. She may tell you about her past dark side, and you may tell her about your failed relationship or abusive parent. If you are at this stage, be clear about what you want as this is where a boyfriend-girlfriend thing usually starts. Once the relationship sparks, wow, then the 1st 2 weeks are like heaven on earth! The world is bright and shining and even pain seems to be more beautiful! What’s my advice? Make full use for it as rain is about to pour…
Control. What comes after bright sky? Yes, rain of course. This is the time when both try to influence each other. Your girlfriend may tell you that your hairstyle is outdated. You may find her using the word ‘hate’ excessively. This is the time that makes or breaks a relationship. For those who sacrifice in the name of love, they will endure this torrential rain of nagging but it has to be both parties. Otherwise, this is the beginning of the ending. From control, it can go to conflict.
Let’s say you bring enough umbrellas for this weather…
Compromise. This is when you have 10 ‘should do’ but are willing to cut down to 5 if your girlfriend agrees to comply. You, on the other hand, agree to follow 5 of your girlfriends ‘must have’. Not happy but okay. Life can go on. While the big rain is gone, there are scattered intermittent showers from time to time. This usually happens when your girlfriend’s best mate asks her why your belly is getting bigger and your girlfriend will reply ‘aaah, that guy just doesn’t listen. Keep going out with his gang of lousy friends whose average waist is 38 inches!’. Don’t laugh yet okay. You are the same too. You will sit together with your fatty friends and see some gorgeous ladies at the store with long silky hair. There you go mumbling “I always tell my girlfriend that long hair is the universal beauty but she keeps her hair short like a tomboy!” Anyway, life goes on…
Commitment. This word is usually received with some trauma by men. Anyway, this is the time when the turbulence is over and things move the same way day-in-day-out. To create some excitement out of this monotonous life, you or your partner suddenly have this brilliant idea called “let’s get married”! Some are not impulsive though. Some are well planned. For these, it is not a sudden spark of idea but a well conceived plan from Day One. They will utter something short but with very deep meaning that you can find an excuse to avoid. “It’s time”. There goes the wedding plan. You plan all the way until you can even tell what flowers you want to use that day. But ask a question beyond that big day, it is a brief “don’t know”. You plan to have kids? DK. You guys going for honeymoon. DK. Then comes the big party where half of the people that attend the weeding you also DK.
Confusion. One way or another, we manage to get over the hangover of the word ‘wedding’ and got back into life. New house, new bed, new bills but same spouse? As there are no plans earlier what will happen after wedding, naturally there is just a big wide space right in front of you. Well, some talk to others and manage to develop some sort of plan to move forward. Others prefer self-discovery and are still self-discovering after 5 years! But I have to say some are more unfortunate. They branch out to the ‘condemned avenue and are stuck for the rest of their waking hours. For those who don’t, somehow they will soon upgrade to the next stage…
Contentment. It’s not because everything turns out in the way you want it to be, but because whether it is good or bad, you seem to ‘like’ it! It’s like nature-lovers who appreciate the beauty of mountains and disasters of seas. It has a deeper meaning than just feeling good about an event. It is a more profound respect and peace for nature….’come what may, I’m here to stay’ attitude you got there! Fully confident, I’m eager to upgrade to the next stage. But I cannot report further until I pass this stage.
I’m sure there are many C’s lie ahead for life is a big learning institution. Could it be contagious? Perhaps conspicuous? Or even condemned?? Well, let’s find out!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
So what? Now what?
‘So what’ and ‘now what’ are probably the 2 simplest ways to check if what you are doing is really really what you want. Why is it that knowing what you really want is important? It ensures that you do not waste all your effort and time only to find out that what you have achieved is not what you want at the finish line. For this, the ‘so what’ question will help. What about ‘now what’. This is the next question that you need to ask yourself after you cross the finish line.
An example to exemplify the importance of ‘so what’ can be found in a Chinese proverb called ‘she gong hao long’, simply translated as ‘she gong the dragon fanatic’
She Gong is a rich guy that lived in the olden days of China. He is so mesmerized with dragons that his house, robes and paintings are all about dragons. One day, the Dragon King was passing by and was completely flattered by She Gong’s admiration for dragons. To appreciate this, Dragon King decided to pay him a visit and personally thank him. So, he transformed himself into a dragon and paid She Gong a visit. The moment She Gong saw him, She Gong was so terrified that he immediately fainted in his garden. What happened? She Gong thought he liked dragons so much but when faced with a real dragon, he realized that dragons were not really what he wanted!
This store exemplifies a lot about our dream jobs, dream house and dream life. We may think that is what we really want and hence, day and night, we work hard to get there. To a lot of people who are in this fix, most of us realize that when we achieve what we want, all of a sudden we ask ourselves, “hey…how come I don’t feel great about it?” In other words, we become She Gong!
In order to avoid this, it is very important that we continue to ask ourselves a very basic question of ‘so what?’ Some of us want to achieve financial freedom by Year 2010. While it may sound good, we need to further ask ‘so what when we have financial freedom?’ ‘Well, then I don’t have to pay loans anymore!’ So? ‘Err…I can buy more things!’ ‘Doesn’t that get you back into a loan state again?’ Err…
Some may want to retire early. Again, the same question, “so what if you can retire by 45 years old?” Then I can wake up late everyday! So what if you can wake up late? Err…then I am less stressful. So? Then I achieve better health. So? Err…
Please don’t get me wrong that financial freedom and early retirement are not good. But what I’m saying is that we need to check again and again to make sure that is what we really really want. If it is, then go ahead. If you are not sure, then check further to see if within your dream, there is another ‘hidden dream’.
Now, let’s say that you pass the ‘so what’ test. You know exactly what you want. Then you are ready for the 2nd test :”Now what?” When you have achieved what you want, always remember that life does not stop there (stopping there will be really unlucky right?). So, where do you want to move from there onwards? I have friends who are always very focused on what they want in their career. They can spell out to you that they aim to be a Marketing Manager or Financial Controller in 5 years’ time. You ask the ‘so what’ question and they can reply you with 10 good reasons to do so. Well, sounds good. They are very focused in their dream job, picking up the right networking and learn the right skills.
Then after 5 years, not surprising they achieve what they want. They celebrate and then tell their juniors how focus and perseverance get them to where they are today. Unfortunately, the celebration is short-lived because they suddenly realize that they were so technically good at their position…but that’s about all. They can’t move to a higher position such as General Manager due to lack of competency in other areas. As a result, they either stay where they are or they start learning other skills. Simply put, they do check their ‘so what’ question but have not checked ‘now what’. Simply put, ‘focus gets you where you want to go fast but also get stuck fast!’ A Ferrari gets you to the traffic jam faster!
So, it’s important to make sure that we don’t just aim to climb the mountain, but also think of what we want to do after that. Otherwise, the next step is only going down the hill!
An example to exemplify the importance of ‘so what’ can be found in a Chinese proverb called ‘she gong hao long’, simply translated as ‘she gong the dragon fanatic’
She Gong is a rich guy that lived in the olden days of China. He is so mesmerized with dragons that his house, robes and paintings are all about dragons. One day, the Dragon King was passing by and was completely flattered by She Gong’s admiration for dragons. To appreciate this, Dragon King decided to pay him a visit and personally thank him. So, he transformed himself into a dragon and paid She Gong a visit. The moment She Gong saw him, She Gong was so terrified that he immediately fainted in his garden. What happened? She Gong thought he liked dragons so much but when faced with a real dragon, he realized that dragons were not really what he wanted!
This store exemplifies a lot about our dream jobs, dream house and dream life. We may think that is what we really want and hence, day and night, we work hard to get there. To a lot of people who are in this fix, most of us realize that when we achieve what we want, all of a sudden we ask ourselves, “hey…how come I don’t feel great about it?” In other words, we become She Gong!
In order to avoid this, it is very important that we continue to ask ourselves a very basic question of ‘so what?’ Some of us want to achieve financial freedom by Year 2010. While it may sound good, we need to further ask ‘so what when we have financial freedom?’ ‘Well, then I don’t have to pay loans anymore!’ So? ‘Err…I can buy more things!’ ‘Doesn’t that get you back into a loan state again?’ Err…
Some may want to retire early. Again, the same question, “so what if you can retire by 45 years old?” Then I can wake up late everyday! So what if you can wake up late? Err…then I am less stressful. So? Then I achieve better health. So? Err…
Please don’t get me wrong that financial freedom and early retirement are not good. But what I’m saying is that we need to check again and again to make sure that is what we really really want. If it is, then go ahead. If you are not sure, then check further to see if within your dream, there is another ‘hidden dream’.
Now, let’s say that you pass the ‘so what’ test. You know exactly what you want. Then you are ready for the 2nd test :”Now what?” When you have achieved what you want, always remember that life does not stop there (stopping there will be really unlucky right?). So, where do you want to move from there onwards? I have friends who are always very focused on what they want in their career. They can spell out to you that they aim to be a Marketing Manager or Financial Controller in 5 years’ time. You ask the ‘so what’ question and they can reply you with 10 good reasons to do so. Well, sounds good. They are very focused in their dream job, picking up the right networking and learn the right skills.
Then after 5 years, not surprising they achieve what they want. They celebrate and then tell their juniors how focus and perseverance get them to where they are today. Unfortunately, the celebration is short-lived because they suddenly realize that they were so technically good at their position…but that’s about all. They can’t move to a higher position such as General Manager due to lack of competency in other areas. As a result, they either stay where they are or they start learning other skills. Simply put, they do check their ‘so what’ question but have not checked ‘now what’. Simply put, ‘focus gets you where you want to go fast but also get stuck fast!’ A Ferrari gets you to the traffic jam faster!
So, it’s important to make sure that we don’t just aim to climb the mountain, but also think of what we want to do after that. Otherwise, the next step is only going down the hill!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Thinking Beyond The Box
Wah..another management jargon! Not enough with 'out of the box' it seems.
Well, ‘thinking beyond the box’ is actually much much easier than thinking out of the box. It doesn't require us to think hard or creatively but just the courage to think beyond the results of our actions or inactions. In other words, we ask ourselves 'so what if that's going to happen?'
A little personal experience I have is when I applied for my daughter's birth cert. I was told that I needed to register within 7 days from birth date or else I'll be fined. I was extremely busy then and so on the 6th day, I forced myself to take a day off to secure my daughter's citizenship, not without a lot of grumbling.
Off I went the next day, stressed out by many questions the night before, evolving around 'what will happen if I didn't manage to get the birth cert?' ‘Will my daughter lose her citizenship?’
Luckily, the registration went extremely smoothly and I got my daughter's birth cert within 5 minutes! The government can be really efficient! Anyway, in that ecstatic mode, I asked the officer how much the fine was if I were late. The lady told me for the first 30 days they will fine RM5. What!?? Only RM5?? All of a sudden, I realized that all the stress and 'what if' were not worth that RM5!
What did I learn? That’s right. I did not think 'beyond' the fine. I treated the fine as the ultimate result and hence work on my decisions and planning before this point. Simply put, I didn't think ‘beyond the box.’
A lot of people have fear of snakes. But many don't ask ,'so what will happen if there's a snake?' Some fear retrenchment at work but failed to ask 'so what if I'm retrenched?' I don't have income, idiot!. So? I need to use my saving to meet commitment, fool! So? It will only last 6 months, you moron! So? I need to find a job before then, Einstein! Aha! So the real issue is that the reserves are only 6 months and the guy needs to find a job by then. Now, what can he do? Well, he can beef up his savings, expand his network and upgrade his skills.
While it may sound oversimplified, ‘thinking beyond the box’ takes away unnecessary anxiety from the idea of retrenchment. At least, the mind is able to focus on plans and actions that have real impact in a real world.
So, next time you face an issue and are horrified by its possible ending, don’t stop there. Ask yourself that one last question ‘so what?’
A pre-empt for the next blog. Now that you are introduced to ‘so what’, the next question is naturally ‘now what?’. For that, watch out for the next blog.
Well, ‘thinking beyond the box’ is actually much much easier than thinking out of the box. It doesn't require us to think hard or creatively but just the courage to think beyond the results of our actions or inactions. In other words, we ask ourselves 'so what if that's going to happen?'
A little personal experience I have is when I applied for my daughter's birth cert. I was told that I needed to register within 7 days from birth date or else I'll be fined. I was extremely busy then and so on the 6th day, I forced myself to take a day off to secure my daughter's citizenship, not without a lot of grumbling.
Off I went the next day, stressed out by many questions the night before, evolving around 'what will happen if I didn't manage to get the birth cert?' ‘Will my daughter lose her citizenship?’
Luckily, the registration went extremely smoothly and I got my daughter's birth cert within 5 minutes! The government can be really efficient! Anyway, in that ecstatic mode, I asked the officer how much the fine was if I were late. The lady told me for the first 30 days they will fine RM5. What!?? Only RM5?? All of a sudden, I realized that all the stress and 'what if' were not worth that RM5!
What did I learn? That’s right. I did not think 'beyond' the fine. I treated the fine as the ultimate result and hence work on my decisions and planning before this point. Simply put, I didn't think ‘beyond the box.’
A lot of people have fear of snakes. But many don't ask ,'so what will happen if there's a snake?' Some fear retrenchment at work but failed to ask 'so what if I'm retrenched?' I don't have income, idiot!. So? I need to use my saving to meet commitment, fool! So? It will only last 6 months, you moron! So? I need to find a job before then, Einstein! Aha! So the real issue is that the reserves are only 6 months and the guy needs to find a job by then. Now, what can he do? Well, he can beef up his savings, expand his network and upgrade his skills.
While it may sound oversimplified, ‘thinking beyond the box’ takes away unnecessary anxiety from the idea of retrenchment. At least, the mind is able to focus on plans and actions that have real impact in a real world.
So, next time you face an issue and are horrified by its possible ending, don’t stop there. Ask yourself that one last question ‘so what?’
A pre-empt for the next blog. Now that you are introduced to ‘so what’, the next question is naturally ‘now what?’. For that, watch out for the next blog.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I want! I want!
For those who have kids, this phrase reminds us of the weekends and school holidays when they are literally terrorizing the home. But, do notice that small kids almost never use the phrase ‘I have to’? It’s always either ‘I want to’ or ‘I don’t want to’.
I believe that when we say ‘I want’, we are subconsciously telling what our emotion desires. In other words, there’s a passion for something and we are ready to put effort to get it. When we say ‘I have to’, it is more of the logical mind that’s doing the talking. It may not be the thing that we like to do, but needs to be done for whatever reasons, be it professionalism, fear or habit.
Recently, I started observing conversations among adults. I notice that my subjects have replaced ‘I want’ with ‘I have to’ significantly. Almost all the things we do are ‘I have to’! Look at these common sentences:
I have to finish this report before lunch
I have to go back early today because my wife is sick
I have to baby sit this weekend
And the ultimate: I have to clear my leave!! What a noble act… clear leave!
We sound so victimized….
We humans have the capability to choose the emotion we want to feel. We have the power to make meaning out of a situation. If people say ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ then it’s the same to say ‘Meaning is in the eyes of the beholder’. How you make meaning out of a situation is at the end of the day, what emotions you choose to feel.
Back to the examples of ‘I have to’,. Isn’t it lovelier if we can say:
I want to finish this report before lunch so that it will never bother me again
I want to go back early to take care of my poor wife
I want to play with my babies this weekend
I want to go on holidays!
How beautiful all of a sudden in the world of ‘I want’. We suddenly sound as if we are in control, we are getting what we want, we are enjoying ourselves.
But why we use ‘I have to’ so often? Many reasons. It makes us look more matured perhaps; we are seen to be more logic-driven and less emotionally driven. It’s blame-free perhaps since we did not choose but was forced by the situation to do it. We stop liking things perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…
There’s just no passion for anything. We long forget about aspiration. We want to be blame-free and we end up in a situation that we do not like but yet still blame the environment instead of ourselves. We want to maintain status quo and refuse to learn and as a result, the world passes us by. We then blame the world for deserting us while it was actually us who deserted the world.
So, how can we change from a 'hunted' to a 'hunter'? Try this little exercise today. How many ‘I have to’ can we replace with ‘I want’? Here are a few practical examples:
a) I want to wake up at 6 tomorrow morning to be punctual
b) I want to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight
c) I want to go on holidays in September
d) I want to buy a new watch this weekend
I believe that when we say ‘I want’, we are subconsciously telling what our emotion desires. In other words, there’s a passion for something and we are ready to put effort to get it. When we say ‘I have to’, it is more of the logical mind that’s doing the talking. It may not be the thing that we like to do, but needs to be done for whatever reasons, be it professionalism, fear or habit.
Recently, I started observing conversations among adults. I notice that my subjects have replaced ‘I want’ with ‘I have to’ significantly. Almost all the things we do are ‘I have to’! Look at these common sentences:
I have to finish this report before lunch
I have to go back early today because my wife is sick
I have to baby sit this weekend
And the ultimate: I have to clear my leave!! What a noble act… clear leave!
We sound so victimized….
We humans have the capability to choose the emotion we want to feel. We have the power to make meaning out of a situation. If people say ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ then it’s the same to say ‘Meaning is in the eyes of the beholder’. How you make meaning out of a situation is at the end of the day, what emotions you choose to feel.
Back to the examples of ‘I have to’,. Isn’t it lovelier if we can say:
I want to finish this report before lunch so that it will never bother me again
I want to go back early to take care of my poor wife
I want to play with my babies this weekend
I want to go on holidays!
How beautiful all of a sudden in the world of ‘I want’. We suddenly sound as if we are in control, we are getting what we want, we are enjoying ourselves.
But why we use ‘I have to’ so often? Many reasons. It makes us look more matured perhaps; we are seen to be more logic-driven and less emotionally driven. It’s blame-free perhaps since we did not choose but was forced by the situation to do it. We stop liking things perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…
There’s just no passion for anything. We long forget about aspiration. We want to be blame-free and we end up in a situation that we do not like but yet still blame the environment instead of ourselves. We want to maintain status quo and refuse to learn and as a result, the world passes us by. We then blame the world for deserting us while it was actually us who deserted the world.
So, how can we change from a 'hunted' to a 'hunter'? Try this little exercise today. How many ‘I have to’ can we replace with ‘I want’? Here are a few practical examples:
a) I want to wake up at 6 tomorrow morning to be punctual
b) I want to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight
c) I want to go on holidays in September
d) I want to buy a new watch this weekend
Sunday, August 21, 2005
You help the best when you help nothing at all...
Does the above title sound familiar? It's picked up from the romantic song by Ronan Keating (with some modification, of course). So, the best help is when you are not helping!
Some point in our lives, we have tried to help others before and there are times we learnt the painful lesson of help goes unappreciated. May be we even tell ourselves, "Ah, forget about helping. That guy doesn't even utter a little thank you."
Well, if that situation happens, that means you may have given such noble help and strange enough (but yet true), it goes unnoticed and hence unappreciated. More confusing? Well, here’s the explanation.
There is a noble saying “If you give a person a fish, it will last a day. If you teach them to fish, they will fish for a lifetime.” In other words, helping someone to develop the skills to solve problems should be the best help. Yes, I fully agree but (yes, there's always a 'but') will the guy appreciate it? Most likely not. That's because if the guy thinks that a problem is solved using his own skill, he may attribute that to his skill but not necessarily to your help to mold that skill. In other words, it goes unnoticed. So on the Top 40 countdown, helping people to avoid problems is the least noticed and hence the least appreciated.
2nd most appreciated help is when you are literally seen lending a hand to a friend. This guy, once the problem is solved will 'thank you for your help'.
The most appreciated help, yes, no.1 on the countdown, is when you didn’t help to solve a problem at all and that is called ‘lending a shoulder’!! What??
Well, here's the truth. A friend is sobbing because her father has just passed away. Feeling sorry and yet knowing you can't bring back her father, you pick up some lines from some movies like 'well, that's how nature is', 'we got to be strong and carry on', and even lend a shoulder for the friend to cry on. Guess what?? You probably get a hand-written thank you letter signed off with 'you are a true friend indeed'. What have you solved actually? Not sure. Did you resurrect his father? Definitely no.
Then 10 years later, during her 30th birthday and someone asks her to give a speech, she may still say ‘I’m glad I have so many friends that helped me over the years and you are one of them!” Yeah…recognition for not helping much.
So, when we start helping others especially those that teach friends to fish, do be prepared that your help may not go noticed. But again, should we help then or may be it is more ‘cost-efficient’ to just lend a shoulder? It all depends on your objective. Here is a little test that you can do to determine:
You hear some crying in a drain. As you approach it, you see a dog trying to get out of it. Out of compassion, you help it to get out. When the dog is safely out, it bites your hand and run away. Now, what emotions do you CHOOSE to feel? Feel angry because that bloody dog does not appreciate your help OR feel happy the dog is finally safe?
If you are choosing anger, then your ultimate objective of helping is actually to get ‘appreciated help’. If you choose happiness, then your intention is to safe the dog.
So, what’s your choice?
Some point in our lives, we have tried to help others before and there are times we learnt the painful lesson of help goes unappreciated. May be we even tell ourselves, "Ah, forget about helping. That guy doesn't even utter a little thank you."
Well, if that situation happens, that means you may have given such noble help and strange enough (but yet true), it goes unnoticed and hence unappreciated. More confusing? Well, here’s the explanation.
There is a noble saying “If you give a person a fish, it will last a day. If you teach them to fish, they will fish for a lifetime.” In other words, helping someone to develop the skills to solve problems should be the best help. Yes, I fully agree but (yes, there's always a 'but') will the guy appreciate it? Most likely not. That's because if the guy thinks that a problem is solved using his own skill, he may attribute that to his skill but not necessarily to your help to mold that skill. In other words, it goes unnoticed. So on the Top 40 countdown, helping people to avoid problems is the least noticed and hence the least appreciated.
2nd most appreciated help is when you are literally seen lending a hand to a friend. This guy, once the problem is solved will 'thank you for your help'.
The most appreciated help, yes, no.1 on the countdown, is when you didn’t help to solve a problem at all and that is called ‘lending a shoulder’!! What??
Well, here's the truth. A friend is sobbing because her father has just passed away. Feeling sorry and yet knowing you can't bring back her father, you pick up some lines from some movies like 'well, that's how nature is', 'we got to be strong and carry on', and even lend a shoulder for the friend to cry on. Guess what?? You probably get a hand-written thank you letter signed off with 'you are a true friend indeed'. What have you solved actually? Not sure. Did you resurrect his father? Definitely no.
Then 10 years later, during her 30th birthday and someone asks her to give a speech, she may still say ‘I’m glad I have so many friends that helped me over the years and you are one of them!” Yeah…recognition for not helping much.
So, when we start helping others especially those that teach friends to fish, do be prepared that your help may not go noticed. But again, should we help then or may be it is more ‘cost-efficient’ to just lend a shoulder? It all depends on your objective. Here is a little test that you can do to determine:
You hear some crying in a drain. As you approach it, you see a dog trying to get out of it. Out of compassion, you help it to get out. When the dog is safely out, it bites your hand and run away. Now, what emotions do you CHOOSE to feel? Feel angry because that bloody dog does not appreciate your help OR feel happy the dog is finally safe?
If you are choosing anger, then your ultimate objective of helping is actually to get ‘appreciated help’. If you choose happiness, then your intention is to safe the dog.
So, what’s your choice?
Thursday, August 04, 2005
The power of 'mixing with the right group'
Part 1
I do spend time in the bookstore often and there is this book of everyday motivational phrases. One of the phrases reads: 'if you want to be youthful, stay useful'!
I find this phrase so inspiring that it should be my guide when I reach 50 (of course, I think I'm quite useful now). This powerful phrase has become my weapon each time I see a person above 50. Each time I tell them this phrase, I could see the resonance and each time, I enjoyed seeing the eyes of these guys sparkle...except one retired golf guy.
Part 2
He said, 'Kua, you are right to say that we should stay useful in order to be youthful. I have one more strategy to share...'
After his revelation, I realized that it were my eyes that sparkle! What was so inspiring? Here it is: 'In order to stay young, stay with the young!'
That is so true that we can even use this mantra now, not when we reach 50. It is all about benchmarking actually. When we mix with friends who are religious, we suddenly want to be more religious. When we spend more time with health-conscious friends, we suddenly talk more about health too.
Apart from talking more on the subjects among our friends, there is another important reason to do so. Our expectation becomes higher and surprisingly, our body will respond to this new demand! That's no magic but just about 'our body responding to our new target'. What is one bombastic term used by trainers for this phenomenon? Yes...mindpower! Another term? Yes...mentoring! Another? No, not mixing. Yes! Benchmarking.
So, let's look around us. Are we behaving like our close friends? Is that good? If yes, continue. Are there any areas you want to improve on but the current standard among your friends are lower or equal to yours? If yes, it's time to look for more friends in this area. Very soon, our expectation is raised and naturally, our mind and body will respond to the new standards!
Why should we be contented just because we only have hypertension while our friends have both hypertension and diabetes? Why not we ask ourselves how can we be as fit as our young friends?
So, it all boils down to 'mixing with the right group' or more aptly put, 'the power of mixing with the right group'
Happy befriending!
I do spend time in the bookstore often and there is this book of everyday motivational phrases. One of the phrases reads: 'if you want to be youthful, stay useful'!
I find this phrase so inspiring that it should be my guide when I reach 50 (of course, I think I'm quite useful now). This powerful phrase has become my weapon each time I see a person above 50. Each time I tell them this phrase, I could see the resonance and each time, I enjoyed seeing the eyes of these guys sparkle...except one retired golf guy.
Part 2
He said, 'Kua, you are right to say that we should stay useful in order to be youthful. I have one more strategy to share...'
After his revelation, I realized that it were my eyes that sparkle! What was so inspiring? Here it is: 'In order to stay young, stay with the young!'
That is so true that we can even use this mantra now, not when we reach 50. It is all about benchmarking actually. When we mix with friends who are religious, we suddenly want to be more religious. When we spend more time with health-conscious friends, we suddenly talk more about health too.
Apart from talking more on the subjects among our friends, there is another important reason to do so. Our expectation becomes higher and surprisingly, our body will respond to this new demand! That's no magic but just about 'our body responding to our new target'. What is one bombastic term used by trainers for this phenomenon? Yes...mindpower! Another term? Yes...mentoring! Another? No, not mixing. Yes! Benchmarking.
So, let's look around us. Are we behaving like our close friends? Is that good? If yes, continue. Are there any areas you want to improve on but the current standard among your friends are lower or equal to yours? If yes, it's time to look for more friends in this area. Very soon, our expectation is raised and naturally, our mind and body will respond to the new standards!
Why should we be contented just because we only have hypertension while our friends have both hypertension and diabetes? Why not we ask ourselves how can we be as fit as our young friends?
So, it all boils down to 'mixing with the right group' or more aptly put, 'the power of mixing with the right group'
Happy befriending!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Solving Solutions?
The title does sound funny, redundant or probably non-sensical! However, there's a reason for it and this is usually a case of us being so deep in the woods that we see the trees but not the forest itself.
For example, I bought a new house and need money to renovate. Because I need to renovate, I need to sell off some of my shares. But the price is not the best yet. I spoke to an expert in stock markets and he asked me to meet him in 2 week's time to discuss. But I will be traveling by then and he offered to email me his comments instead. But my personal mail is currently down and so I need to use my phone. But I don't know how to activate my MMS and am now trying to solve the mms problem. I called my service provider a few times but the line has always been busy.
Now, what is my actual problem? Service provider, MMS, email, traveling, share price, money or renovation? It could be either one or it could even be all the above.
So, you can see how easy we can get lost in this jungle of events if we are not careful or don’t take time to map and review the series of events.
So, it is aptly to say that sometimes we are trying to 'solve the solution instead of the problem'!!
So, each time we are stuck in a situation, start mapping the events. Ask ourselves what the real issue is to verify if we are trying to solve a problem or solve a ‘solution’. If it's the solution that we are trying to solve, then go back up the map to see what options we can replace for this solution. If no options available, move up one more level. You will be amazed that sometimes we are barking at the wrong tree or looking for an answer in the wrong place. Don't be surprised suddenly someone says to you that ‘hey! You are thinking out of the box!’
As for my renovation case, it’s neither one of the above reasons I have listed. I prefer to treat it as a renovation timing problem and has postponed my renovation for another 4 weeks!
So, let's start solving problems, not solutions!
For example, I bought a new house and need money to renovate. Because I need to renovate, I need to sell off some of my shares. But the price is not the best yet. I spoke to an expert in stock markets and he asked me to meet him in 2 week's time to discuss. But I will be traveling by then and he offered to email me his comments instead. But my personal mail is currently down and so I need to use my phone. But I don't know how to activate my MMS and am now trying to solve the mms problem. I called my service provider a few times but the line has always been busy.
Now, what is my actual problem? Service provider, MMS, email, traveling, share price, money or renovation? It could be either one or it could even be all the above.
So, you can see how easy we can get lost in this jungle of events if we are not careful or don’t take time to map and review the series of events.
So, it is aptly to say that sometimes we are trying to 'solve the solution instead of the problem'!!
So, each time we are stuck in a situation, start mapping the events. Ask ourselves what the real issue is to verify if we are trying to solve a problem or solve a ‘solution’. If it's the solution that we are trying to solve, then go back up the map to see what options we can replace for this solution. If no options available, move up one more level. You will be amazed that sometimes we are barking at the wrong tree or looking for an answer in the wrong place. Don't be surprised suddenly someone says to you that ‘hey! You are thinking out of the box!’
As for my renovation case, it’s neither one of the above reasons I have listed. I prefer to treat it as a renovation timing problem and has postponed my renovation for another 4 weeks!
So, let's start solving problems, not solutions!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Maintaining or rotting?
What happen if you leave your car for 2 weeks without driving? It most likely won't start. Keep your leather bags for 6 months in a cupboard and again most likely it goes moldy. Stop using your brain for 10 years? Well...mmm...let's not get into that.
The interesting point here is that 'if you don't use something for a long time, it doesn't mean it remains new. Instead, it rots!!'
It's the same for a car, a bag or a skill. So, when we keep polishing our skills, sometimes we are only maintaining our standard only from rrrrotting.
However, a lot of people have the impression that if we don’t do anything, we are maintaining at where we are...a dangerous misconception indeed!
When we see some experienced colleagues or friends that refuse to upgrade their skills, refuse to change their attitude, refuse to know more, so what’s gonna happen? Slowly but surely, they will rot. So, it is true and also sad to say that ‘maintaining is actually rotting.’
But is that all? Nope, there are more rotting news unfortunately. Not moving anywhere also causes rotting. For a lot of school leavers as well as middle age people, sometimes we do not know where we should be heading in our life. Some of us are busy developing options in this limbo but there are some who will just hang around, enjoying the bliss of ‘que sera sera’. For those who only hang around, it may very well be another form of rotting too!
So, open the window of your heart. Let the fresh air gush into the room and replace the stale rotting air. Open your brain too. Let the creative juice flow in to replace the expired stagnant cholesterol!
The interesting point here is that 'if you don't use something for a long time, it doesn't mean it remains new. Instead, it rots!!'
It's the same for a car, a bag or a skill. So, when we keep polishing our skills, sometimes we are only maintaining our standard only from rrrrotting.
However, a lot of people have the impression that if we don’t do anything, we are maintaining at where we are...a dangerous misconception indeed!
When we see some experienced colleagues or friends that refuse to upgrade their skills, refuse to change their attitude, refuse to know more, so what’s gonna happen? Slowly but surely, they will rot. So, it is true and also sad to say that ‘maintaining is actually rotting.’
But is that all? Nope, there are more rotting news unfortunately. Not moving anywhere also causes rotting. For a lot of school leavers as well as middle age people, sometimes we do not know where we should be heading in our life. Some of us are busy developing options in this limbo but there are some who will just hang around, enjoying the bliss of ‘que sera sera’. For those who only hang around, it may very well be another form of rotting too!
So, open the window of your heart. Let the fresh air gush into the room and replace the stale rotting air. Open your brain too. Let the creative juice flow in to replace the expired stagnant cholesterol!
Thursday, June 30, 2005
I-see-I-saw
It's quite amazing to see a series of happy and sad events happening in less than 2 months.
It started with my father-in-law diagnozed for cancer. He passed away 4 weeks ago and exactly 7 days later, my colleague got married. Then for exactly 7 days again, my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl! All in all, I saw sickness, death, wedding and birth. (could this be the new version of the 4 sights that Buddha saw?)
Is this a cycle? Would sickness be the next thing to happen again? I'm not sure about that. But one thing I can be very sure of is that there will always be a mixture of happy and sad events. And above all else, what I'm even more sure of is that what we are happy about today can be the very reason why we are sad tomorrow.
Simply put, every event comes neutral. But with our own perspective, we generate an emotion out of it. This emotion can be so strong that we manage to keep the bad side of the event out of the picture for the time being.
When we celebrate a birth, there has to be death. And death is in itself a new beginning of another event. Hence, it's not really negative when we think of the bad side but it's more of thinking NEUTRAL.
By thinking neutral, we still can continue to be happy, not so much because we forget there is a sad part to it but more because we appreciate the event and capture the moment. Above that, we are happy because we are able to appreciate the beautiful nature of ups and downs.
So, when there's a down side in your life now, don't despair. It’s so happen you are on the down side of the see saw. Things will change soon as we ride this see saw.
So, have fun riding the see-saw in this playground called life!
It started with my father-in-law diagnozed for cancer. He passed away 4 weeks ago and exactly 7 days later, my colleague got married. Then for exactly 7 days again, my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl! All in all, I saw sickness, death, wedding and birth. (could this be the new version of the 4 sights that Buddha saw?)
Is this a cycle? Would sickness be the next thing to happen again? I'm not sure about that. But one thing I can be very sure of is that there will always be a mixture of happy and sad events. And above all else, what I'm even more sure of is that what we are happy about today can be the very reason why we are sad tomorrow.
Simply put, every event comes neutral. But with our own perspective, we generate an emotion out of it. This emotion can be so strong that we manage to keep the bad side of the event out of the picture for the time being.
When we celebrate a birth, there has to be death. And death is in itself a new beginning of another event. Hence, it's not really negative when we think of the bad side but it's more of thinking NEUTRAL.
By thinking neutral, we still can continue to be happy, not so much because we forget there is a sad part to it but more because we appreciate the event and capture the moment. Above that, we are happy because we are able to appreciate the beautiful nature of ups and downs.
So, when there's a down side in your life now, don't despair. It’s so happen you are on the down side of the see saw. Things will change soon as we ride this see saw.
So, have fun riding the see-saw in this playground called life!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Corporate heaven...is there such a thing?
Most working people have split personalities. How can we tell? They behave so differently in their personal life from their working life. Some can be a loving father at home but a monster at work. Some are such educationists to their kids but yet never want to learn anything new at work.
Many have found a good reason to justify the way they behave. "Have to earn a living, right?" In other words, who cares about the methods and behaviour as long as I can get what I think is noble?
Equipped with this reason, many justify why it's ok to lie at work, 'tah pau' toilet rolls for home use, gain trust from bosses by supplying office rumours.
We must understand that in the works of karma or in the eyes of god: lying is lying while cheating is plain cheating.
If lying 100 times 'earns' you a big slap, it doesn't matter whether it comes from work or from private life because lying is still lying. Hell doesn't differentiate unwholesome actions from work or home.
When we say we want to lead a quality life, it doesn't mean only our private life. It should encompass work life too. We spend at least half of our waking hours at work. Our colleagues see us more than our family. Any compromise in work life simply means 'a life half lived'.
What shall we do? It's quite simple actually. Extend to your office as a part of your private life (what?? Sleeping during work hours?), and also extend your work life to the home (you mean continue to work at home? No way!!)
Hold your horses please! It doesn't mean we do it physically and literally. It means we need to equip our minds and our environment with the common fundamentals that we can apply at work as well as at home.
We have neighbours at home. Do we have one at work? Do we know anyone in the next office? We review our business quarterly. Do we review our personal progress?
In short, identify the positive values that we practice at work and extend it to our home. The same goes to the positive family values we have at home. If punctuality is a big thing at home, extend this value to work.
Once we are able to merge work and home, our split personalities will gradually disappear. 'We become ourselves' again.
So go ahead, make yourself at home...in the office!
Many have found a good reason to justify the way they behave. "Have to earn a living, right?" In other words, who cares about the methods and behaviour as long as I can get what I think is noble?
Equipped with this reason, many justify why it's ok to lie at work, 'tah pau' toilet rolls for home use, gain trust from bosses by supplying office rumours.
We must understand that in the works of karma or in the eyes of god: lying is lying while cheating is plain cheating.
If lying 100 times 'earns' you a big slap, it doesn't matter whether it comes from work or from private life because lying is still lying. Hell doesn't differentiate unwholesome actions from work or home.
When we say we want to lead a quality life, it doesn't mean only our private life. It should encompass work life too. We spend at least half of our waking hours at work. Our colleagues see us more than our family. Any compromise in work life simply means 'a life half lived'.
What shall we do? It's quite simple actually. Extend to your office as a part of your private life (what?? Sleeping during work hours?), and also extend your work life to the home (you mean continue to work at home? No way!!)
Hold your horses please! It doesn't mean we do it physically and literally. It means we need to equip our minds and our environment with the common fundamentals that we can apply at work as well as at home.
We have neighbours at home. Do we have one at work? Do we know anyone in the next office? We review our business quarterly. Do we review our personal progress?
In short, identify the positive values that we practice at work and extend it to our home. The same goes to the positive family values we have at home. If punctuality is a big thing at home, extend this value to work.
Once we are able to merge work and home, our split personalities will gradually disappear. 'We become ourselves' again.
So go ahead, make yourself at home...in the office!
Monday, June 06, 2005
Everyone is right (then who is wrong?)
There was this humorous zen story about some monks (monks again!!?)
2 monks were arguing on a contoversial topic. After a long debate, they still couldn't determine who was right. So, they decided to ask their master to decide.
When the 1st monk presented his viewpoints, the master quickly agreed that he was right. The 1st monk was satisfied and showed the 2nk monk a 'l-told-you' look.
The 2nd monk was shocked and explained to the master why his views were right and the 1st monk was wrong. The master, after pondering for a moment, also agreed with the 2nd monk! The 2nd monk also felt satisfied as truth finally prevailed.
At that time, there was also another monk that was attending to the master in the room. This monk was most shocked as he couldn't believe his respected master actually agreed with the 2 monks despite they had opposing views.
He agitatedly asked the master, "How can Master support 2 opposing views? Don't you think you are misleading your disciples?"
The master, without any hesitation, replied "You are right too!!!"
If you think this story is humorous, then that's how funny we are at times. All try to insist that their opinions are right which I believe we really are, based on our own perspective, background and what we view as priorities.
Many have heard of the saying 'seeing is believing'. However, do you know that each person that looks into a mirror see different images depending on where we stand?
To demonstrate our priority can make us feel so right, try answer this question:
"If you have $100,000, will you donate to an orphanage or an old folks home?"
No matter which organization you go for, you are RIGHT. Some argue that the orphans have a better future hence they should donate to orphanage. If that's true, what about letting the old folks have a good end since they have not much time left?
So, which one now? Still orphanage? Still old folks? Go with your priority. That's right. Just remember one thing: If you choose orphanage, don't argue with those who donate to old folks because...
You are right
They are right
I'm also right!
2 monks were arguing on a contoversial topic. After a long debate, they still couldn't determine who was right. So, they decided to ask their master to decide.
When the 1st monk presented his viewpoints, the master quickly agreed that he was right. The 1st monk was satisfied and showed the 2nk monk a 'l-told-you' look.
The 2nd monk was shocked and explained to the master why his views were right and the 1st monk was wrong. The master, after pondering for a moment, also agreed with the 2nd monk! The 2nd monk also felt satisfied as truth finally prevailed.
At that time, there was also another monk that was attending to the master in the room. This monk was most shocked as he couldn't believe his respected master actually agreed with the 2 monks despite they had opposing views.
He agitatedly asked the master, "How can Master support 2 opposing views? Don't you think you are misleading your disciples?"
The master, without any hesitation, replied "You are right too!!!"
If you think this story is humorous, then that's how funny we are at times. All try to insist that their opinions are right which I believe we really are, based on our own perspective, background and what we view as priorities.
Many have heard of the saying 'seeing is believing'. However, do you know that each person that looks into a mirror see different images depending on where we stand?
To demonstrate our priority can make us feel so right, try answer this question:
"If you have $100,000, will you donate to an orphanage or an old folks home?"
No matter which organization you go for, you are RIGHT. Some argue that the orphans have a better future hence they should donate to orphanage. If that's true, what about letting the old folks have a good end since they have not much time left?
So, which one now? Still orphanage? Still old folks? Go with your priority. That's right. Just remember one thing: If you choose orphanage, don't argue with those who donate to old folks because...
You are right
They are right
I'm also right!
Monday, May 30, 2005
You can buy happiness, you know...
As opposed to a lot of movies, stories and even sermons, the conclusion at the end seems pretty standard: Money cannot buy everything. It can't buy love definitely according to the movie 'Indecent Proposal'.
I beg to differ. I think everyone can buy happiness. I have bought it before and bought some again yesterday. Let me share the secret with you...
Remember this : Each time you ‘draw out notes, aid the endangered', you are actually buying happiness. If you wonder why the first letter of the phrase quoted is bolded, it combines to give you the word ‘donate’!
In the Longman’s dictionary, the word ‘donate’ means ‘to give something, especially money, to a person or an organization in order to help them’
In my dictionary (in the mind only), the following can be found:
Donate (verb) - the act of buying happiness, originated from the mnemonics 'draw out notes, aid the endangered'
So, each time when we donate money to charity, remember that we are not actually parting with our money but are actually buying happiness. Just like any other products that we buy in a shop, it is sometimes a ‘cash and carry’ where you pay at the checkout and get it instantly. On the other hand, there are also products that involve a delivery such as a big piece of furniture.
The same goes to happiness. When you buy happiness (i.e. donate), sometimes you get instant happiness but there are some that come very much later, such as donations to construct an orphanage. Regardless of ‘cash & carry’ or ‘delivery-required’ happiness, you will sure get it. And if you are of the ‘kiasu’ type, then make sure you maximize your happiness when you have already paid for it!
So, ladies and gentlemen, kiasu or non-kiasu, get ready to:
‘draw out notes, aid the endangered'
I beg to differ. I think everyone can buy happiness. I have bought it before and bought some again yesterday. Let me share the secret with you...
Remember this : Each time you ‘draw out notes, aid the endangered', you are actually buying happiness. If you wonder why the first letter of the phrase quoted is bolded, it combines to give you the word ‘donate’!
In the Longman’s dictionary, the word ‘donate’ means ‘to give something, especially money, to a person or an organization in order to help them’
In my dictionary (in the mind only), the following can be found:
Donate (verb) - the act of buying happiness, originated from the mnemonics 'draw out notes, aid the endangered'
So, each time when we donate money to charity, remember that we are not actually parting with our money but are actually buying happiness. Just like any other products that we buy in a shop, it is sometimes a ‘cash and carry’ where you pay at the checkout and get it instantly. On the other hand, there are also products that involve a delivery such as a big piece of furniture.
The same goes to happiness. When you buy happiness (i.e. donate), sometimes you get instant happiness but there are some that come very much later, such as donations to construct an orphanage. Regardless of ‘cash & carry’ or ‘delivery-required’ happiness, you will sure get it. And if you are of the ‘kiasu’ type, then make sure you maximize your happiness when you have already paid for it!
So, ladies and gentlemen, kiasu or non-kiasu, get ready to:
‘draw out notes, aid the endangered'
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Can you drive with your head keep looking back?
There's an interesting story about 2 monks. They were about to cross a river and in front was a helpless woman trying to cross too. One monk decided to carry the woman on his shoulder and crossed. The other monk was shocked as monks were not supposed to have contact with women.
When they reached the other side of the river bank, the 1st monk left the woman there and continued their journey. The other monk was still shocked and complaint that the 1st monk should not have done that.
After an hour of non-stop nagging, the 1st monk finally broke the silence and said,"I have left the woman at the river bank but you still carry that thought till here!"
This is a good story about clinging to a passing moment. A 'passing moment' to me is an event that is very important during then but yet no impact on the future. In time management, we use to call that 'urgent but not important'. When I miss a turn, my most normal reaction is always a world standard...curse the country and all the ancestors! I realized all those agitation was actually meaningless and missing a turn was just another 'passing moment' like carrying the woman across the river.
If the moment is gone, why should our mind keep clinging to it. Isn't it better to translate the agitation into positive energy and look for the next solution (next u-turn)? Keep looking back (clinging) will not change anything but only slow down our life from progressing.
So, the next time your computer hangs, re-boot. Lost a bag? Buy. Miss an appointment? Re-arrange. Lost a friend? Befriend.
Happy Wesak Day!
When they reached the other side of the river bank, the 1st monk left the woman there and continued their journey. The other monk was still shocked and complaint that the 1st monk should not have done that.
After an hour of non-stop nagging, the 1st monk finally broke the silence and said,"I have left the woman at the river bank but you still carry that thought till here!"
This is a good story about clinging to a passing moment. A 'passing moment' to me is an event that is very important during then but yet no impact on the future. In time management, we use to call that 'urgent but not important'. When I miss a turn, my most normal reaction is always a world standard...curse the country and all the ancestors! I realized all those agitation was actually meaningless and missing a turn was just another 'passing moment' like carrying the woman across the river.
If the moment is gone, why should our mind keep clinging to it. Isn't it better to translate the agitation into positive energy and look for the next solution (next u-turn)? Keep looking back (clinging) will not change anything but only slow down our life from progressing.
So, the next time your computer hangs, re-boot. Lost a bag? Buy. Miss an appointment? Re-arrange. Lost a friend? Befriend.
Happy Wesak Day!
Friday, May 20, 2005
If only time is reversible...
Imagine you walk into a hospital and in ward no.1, you see a patient buckling and unbuckling his helmet strap. A nurse besides him records the number of times the patient has completed this repetitive action. In ward no.2, another patient is looking left and right. Another nurse is counting the times the patient is doing this.
You may guess this is a mental hospital. Actually, it's not. It's a futuristic hospital because scientists have found out how to reverse time.
Ward no.1
The patient does not buckle the helmet strap each time he rides a motorcycle. On his 1289th time of riding, his motorcycle skidded and he sustained head injuries as his unbuckled helmet came off during the accident.
His doctor (a time-travel scientist) managed to determine the accident took place at the 1289th time he rode a bike. He prescribed his medication to the nurse when the patient was still unconscious. The doc instructed the nurse,"ask patient to repeat the buckling and unbuckling for 1289th time and he should recover!"
If time is reversible, that's how patients are cured. Unfortunately, we have not found how to time travel yet. But don't be despair. The above method to cure is still the same but with one very minor condition i.e. You have to do it BEFORE the accident happens. For patient in ward no.1, he would have 'cured' his head injury if he had buckled his helmet each time he rides his bike. Simple isn't?
How many times have we seen others (may be ourselves) ignore safety just because we are lazy to do so? As parents, we keep complaining how lazy our kids are. Could they have been inspired by their parents who make illegal u-turns every day when sending the kids to school?
Can you guess what has happened to the guy in ward no.2? A small clue...did your primary school teacher asked you to look right, look left and look right again before doing something?
You may guess this is a mental hospital. Actually, it's not. It's a futuristic hospital because scientists have found out how to reverse time.
Ward no.1
The patient does not buckle the helmet strap each time he rides a motorcycle. On his 1289th time of riding, his motorcycle skidded and he sustained head injuries as his unbuckled helmet came off during the accident.
His doctor (a time-travel scientist) managed to determine the accident took place at the 1289th time he rode a bike. He prescribed his medication to the nurse when the patient was still unconscious. The doc instructed the nurse,"ask patient to repeat the buckling and unbuckling for 1289th time and he should recover!"
If time is reversible, that's how patients are cured. Unfortunately, we have not found how to time travel yet. But don't be despair. The above method to cure is still the same but with one very minor condition i.e. You have to do it BEFORE the accident happens. For patient in ward no.1, he would have 'cured' his head injury if he had buckled his helmet each time he rides his bike. Simple isn't?
How many times have we seen others (may be ourselves) ignore safety just because we are lazy to do so? As parents, we keep complaining how lazy our kids are. Could they have been inspired by their parents who make illegal u-turns every day when sending the kids to school?
Can you guess what has happened to the guy in ward no.2? A small clue...did your primary school teacher asked you to look right, look left and look right again before doing something?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Control is the cure?
I have many friends including bosses that are on medication for hypertension. According to these guys, 'things are under control' and hence, it's okay to continue with current lifestyle and stress levels. What you need to do is just make sure you take your medicine on time.
I find it amazing as to me, anyone who is prescribed with medication should be a sick person...more so, if the mdeication is supposed to be taken long term. On the contrary, many of these guys choose to think themselves as 'healthy' except for some 'minor' problems like hypertension. If that's the case, when do we conclude a person as unhealthy? When they collapse in the office or when he is in ICU?
This, to me is the ailment of the modern society. Not so much the disease itself but the attitude towards the disease. We always try to find a short cut. Instead of changing our lifestyle, we prefer to find some magical cure that allows us to go on with our current lifestyle, knowing very well that it is unhealthy.
Most people prefer to 'work out' in the physiotherapy clinic instead of the gym
Most people prefer to breath through an oxygen mask instead of through Qigong
Most people choose medication instead of meditation
What is your choice?
I find it amazing as to me, anyone who is prescribed with medication should be a sick person...more so, if the mdeication is supposed to be taken long term. On the contrary, many of these guys choose to think themselves as 'healthy' except for some 'minor' problems like hypertension. If that's the case, when do we conclude a person as unhealthy? When they collapse in the office or when he is in ICU?
This, to me is the ailment of the modern society. Not so much the disease itself but the attitude towards the disease. We always try to find a short cut. Instead of changing our lifestyle, we prefer to find some magical cure that allows us to go on with our current lifestyle, knowing very well that it is unhealthy.
Most people prefer to 'work out' in the physiotherapy clinic instead of the gym
Most people prefer to breath through an oxygen mask instead of through Qigong
Most people choose medication instead of meditation
What is your choice?
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