The long 15 days of Chinese New Year was finally over or was it really that long? For adults, somehow their watches and clocks tick faster than the kids.
For those how think the 15 days passed very quickly, I'm sure there would be some things that you wished you have done, may be meeting up with some friends or doing the thing you have always wanted to do but never have the time.
I have some unfulfilled or un-executed wishes just like many. But I think the root cause for my inaction is not so much of poor planning or time really passes by that fast. For me, it is definitely a case of 'not sure when the right time is.' I plan to have an open house but then again not sure what the right date is. So for the past 15 days, I have been doing something I called 'try and fix' a date. With the 15 days over, I am still in the 'try and fix' mode. What I could have done differently? I could have done it the way the young people do their things - 'fix and try'!
'Fix and try' simply means you are not sure when the right time is but you fix an arbitrary date and inform others. Then from that moment on, you try to maneuver and orchestrate to try to make it happen. I think this is a better way for at least the date is IN the plan. It may not happen, but at least we tried. It may be disappointing to some, but at least if it does materialize, the rewards are worth it. It may give you some extra work, but at least your 15 days will be longer.
We all know for a fact: 'let's catch up some day' simply means 'the day will never come.' They know it and we know it.
So, if you ever have something you want to do and do not know when, why not fix a date on it and try. The chances are anytime better than you try and fix a date.fix, try
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Thunderstorm in the mind
To those who celebrate the Chinese New Year, hope you have good gains besides cholesterol and weight :)
Before I touch on this subject which I'm sure is still a mystery to you, allow me to share a real simple incident that happened to me leading into this important realization.
I have 2 tongue scrappers in my toilet, one with a pink tag and one with a blue tag. My son slept in my room and we shared the same bathroom. One day, my kid learnt to use the tongue scrapper and ever since, he has been using it. As a matter of hygiene, we don't share the scrappers. My son likes blue color and presumably he will use the tongue scrapper with the blue tag. In the morning, i usually wake up much earlier than the rest and usually do not switch on the lights in order not to wake the rest up. In that gloomy bathroom, I will try hard to identify the scrapper with the pink tag. Every morning I do that and then 1 day, I told myself 'just pick one and if it's the wrong one, so be it!' That day was a good day because I realized an important lesson. Here it is:
Many a time, we want to have only the good things to happen. What we do is that we try to prolong some good events for as long as possible. Even if we can, back in our mind, we are still worried that one day, this good blessing may end. At the same time, we think of ways to fight or avoid any bad incidents from happening. If we compare these good and bad things that occur upon us, it is just like the blue and pink tongue scrappers. However, IF we can accept both good and bad events, and accept that they will come one way or another, suddenly you will realize that you have new-found energy and new-found peace. The thunderstorm in your mind suddenly ceases and it becomes a peaceful and refreshing secret garden. Everything is clean, refreshing and cooling.
However, don't get me wrong. We should continue to put effort in making the good things longer and do not intentionally invite bad things to come. The main difference is that, we are NOT WORRIED about bad things happening or good things not being prolonged. In other words, we still maintain peace in the mind regardless of what may come next. Mentally, we accept both and our mind is focused on how to deal with it, rather than dealing with the fear of it.
Have you had a good holiday and back in your mind, you wonder what bad things may happen in the office when you get back to work? Have you had the satisfaction when your stocks in the share market are doing well but you have concerns that the price may go down tomorrow? If we can accept that the good news and the bad news will come, share prices will go up and down...thenn the thunderstorm in your brain will cease.
It's very subtle and sometimes we do not notice. Here is a list of examples and hopefully it will help you recognize the source of thunderstorm in your mind:
- joy of meeting and sorrow of departing
- anticipation of good news and bad news
- good and bad investment
- good rumours and bad rumours about oneself
- genuine donations and scams
- finding friends honest and dishonest
- your loved ones love you more in some times and but less in some other times
Make your mind a peaceful secret garden :)
Before I touch on this subject which I'm sure is still a mystery to you, allow me to share a real simple incident that happened to me leading into this important realization.
I have 2 tongue scrappers in my toilet, one with a pink tag and one with a blue tag. My son slept in my room and we shared the same bathroom. One day, my kid learnt to use the tongue scrapper and ever since, he has been using it. As a matter of hygiene, we don't share the scrappers. My son likes blue color and presumably he will use the tongue scrapper with the blue tag. In the morning, i usually wake up much earlier than the rest and usually do not switch on the lights in order not to wake the rest up. In that gloomy bathroom, I will try hard to identify the scrapper with the pink tag. Every morning I do that and then 1 day, I told myself 'just pick one and if it's the wrong one, so be it!' That day was a good day because I realized an important lesson. Here it is:
Many a time, we want to have only the good things to happen. What we do is that we try to prolong some good events for as long as possible. Even if we can, back in our mind, we are still worried that one day, this good blessing may end. At the same time, we think of ways to fight or avoid any bad incidents from happening. If we compare these good and bad things that occur upon us, it is just like the blue and pink tongue scrappers. However, IF we can accept both good and bad events, and accept that they will come one way or another, suddenly you will realize that you have new-found energy and new-found peace. The thunderstorm in your mind suddenly ceases and it becomes a peaceful and refreshing secret garden. Everything is clean, refreshing and cooling.
However, don't get me wrong. We should continue to put effort in making the good things longer and do not intentionally invite bad things to come. The main difference is that, we are NOT WORRIED about bad things happening or good things not being prolonged. In other words, we still maintain peace in the mind regardless of what may come next. Mentally, we accept both and our mind is focused on how to deal with it, rather than dealing with the fear of it.
Have you had a good holiday and back in your mind, you wonder what bad things may happen in the office when you get back to work? Have you had the satisfaction when your stocks in the share market are doing well but you have concerns that the price may go down tomorrow? If we can accept that the good news and the bad news will come, share prices will go up and down...thenn the thunderstorm in your brain will cease.
It's very subtle and sometimes we do not notice. Here is a list of examples and hopefully it will help you recognize the source of thunderstorm in your mind:
- joy of meeting and sorrow of departing
- anticipation of good news and bad news
- good and bad investment
- good rumours and bad rumours about oneself
- genuine donations and scams
- finding friends honest and dishonest
- your loved ones love you more in some times and but less in some other times
Make your mind a peaceful secret garden :)
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Another year or another GREAT year?
Happy New Year! Yes time flies and it is another year. Notice the word 'another'? That's what that will happen if we do not use it well...just another year! Many have attempted to make resolutions but even more have failed. What the heck? Who cares, right?
Well, we do not take resolution seriously because we do not see the rewards for doing well and punishment for failing the year. For those who are observant, they do not want 'just another year'. They want the year to be great and each year is not necessarily greater but great new things happen. So, for those who keep their dreams and resolutions, they gain their reward. If it is to be another year, it shall be another GREAT year. For the rest who drag their life along, it will ALWAYS be another year.
So much for the reward and punishment. But some think they cannot blame themselves because they just don't have the time for resolutions, for checking or even for thinking. If this is the case, I strongly suggest that we all start to think of all the time we have for facebook games, all the time we spend in phone calls and all the time we spend in traffic jams whether in a car or over public transport. Make a point that you WILL repossess 5 minutes from these 3 areas every day and you know what? You will have 91 hours in 2011 just to review your actions and resolutions towards another great year.
All the best!
Well, we do not take resolution seriously because we do not see the rewards for doing well and punishment for failing the year. For those who are observant, they do not want 'just another year'. They want the year to be great and each year is not necessarily greater but great new things happen. So, for those who keep their dreams and resolutions, they gain their reward. If it is to be another year, it shall be another GREAT year. For the rest who drag their life along, it will ALWAYS be another year.
So much for the reward and punishment. But some think they cannot blame themselves because they just don't have the time for resolutions, for checking or even for thinking. If this is the case, I strongly suggest that we all start to think of all the time we have for facebook games, all the time we spend in phone calls and all the time we spend in traffic jams whether in a car or over public transport. Make a point that you WILL repossess 5 minutes from these 3 areas every day and you know what? You will have 91 hours in 2011 just to review your actions and resolutions towards another great year.
All the best!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Facts about Fear
When we want to do something, it is influenced by 'pull' as well as 'push' factors. Pull factors are those that motivate us to do it while push factors are those that force us to take certain actions (change the status quo) or inaction (remain status quo).
Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.
I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).
So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.
If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?
So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)
Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.
I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).
So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.
If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?
So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)
Friday, September 03, 2010
We chase dreams - are we?
I have spoken to a lot of people from all ages about their dreams. On the surface, all look perfect. Each one has something or some things that they want to achieve in their life such as travelling around the world, having a dream house, having a lot of cash...
But the true confusion pops out when I ask the question "What's your plan?" Most answers I hear are sometimes ironic, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes kiddish and sometimes out of whack! I do respect someone's right to chase their dreams in their own unique ways. But the common question remains : "By doing what we are doing, is it going to bring us closer to that dream?" Most of the time, the answer is NO. That's the issue.
I am not able to analyze everyone's dream and their plans. While saying so, I am able to introduce some techniques that can at least help us verify if our plans and our dreams are indeed aligned.
First, we need to understand what is actually required to achieve a specific dream of ours. For example, we want to be able to travel around the world. What do you actually need? To me, it is about money and health.
Next, we need to look at all the key activities that we are doing currently and identify those that we think can help us achieve that dream. List down all the ones that we think will be able to help us achieve that dream. Once you have that list, apply the '5 why's' (5Y) technique. For example, one may have identified learning French as an important step. Start the 5Y process:
Q1 : Why learning French can help achieve my dream?
A : I can communicate better with the locals
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : ????
If you get stuck, that means that activity you plan most likely is not going to help you achieve that dream. It may help by adding value but it is NOT bringing us closer to that dream. However, if the dream is 'to live in France' for 1 year, then learning Frenck helps. You then continue with th 5Y.
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : It helps me to become part of the society.
Q3 : Why becoming part of the society is important?
A : I will be able to live a fuller life but accepting the values of the French people.
Q4 : Why do we need to live a fuller life?
A : So that it will give me a unique experience that I will remember forever
Q5 : Why do you want to remember a unique experience forever?
A : If we look back at life, it is all about memories and the more unique experiences I have, the more quality life I have lived.
Of course, we can always continue to ask why. But generally, once we hit the fifth why, it gets down to the core reason and most likely that is really what you want.
Good luck, dream chasers!
But the true confusion pops out when I ask the question "What's your plan?" Most answers I hear are sometimes ironic, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes kiddish and sometimes out of whack! I do respect someone's right to chase their dreams in their own unique ways. But the common question remains : "By doing what we are doing, is it going to bring us closer to that dream?" Most of the time, the answer is NO. That's the issue.
I am not able to analyze everyone's dream and their plans. While saying so, I am able to introduce some techniques that can at least help us verify if our plans and our dreams are indeed aligned.
First, we need to understand what is actually required to achieve a specific dream of ours. For example, we want to be able to travel around the world. What do you actually need? To me, it is about money and health.
Next, we need to look at all the key activities that we are doing currently and identify those that we think can help us achieve that dream. List down all the ones that we think will be able to help us achieve that dream. Once you have that list, apply the '5 why's' (5Y) technique. For example, one may have identified learning French as an important step. Start the 5Y process:
Q1 : Why learning French can help achieve my dream?
A : I can communicate better with the locals
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : ????
If you get stuck, that means that activity you plan most likely is not going to help you achieve that dream. It may help by adding value but it is NOT bringing us closer to that dream. However, if the dream is 'to live in France' for 1 year, then learning Frenck helps. You then continue with th 5Y.
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : It helps me to become part of the society.
Q3 : Why becoming part of the society is important?
A : I will be able to live a fuller life but accepting the values of the French people.
Q4 : Why do we need to live a fuller life?
A : So that it will give me a unique experience that I will remember forever
Q5 : Why do you want to remember a unique experience forever?
A : If we look back at life, it is all about memories and the more unique experiences I have, the more quality life I have lived.
Of course, we can always continue to ask why. But generally, once we hit the fifth why, it gets down to the core reason and most likely that is really what you want.
Good luck, dream chasers!
Friday, July 09, 2010
We have our Codes of Ethics - but which set of codes?
I have read a book by Richard Ludlum about spy stories and he mentioned a very good insight about common sense. "Common sense is not seen from our eyes, but from the other guy's eyes". What looks illogical to us makes perfect logical sense for the other guy. There are many reasons but one key point is our codes of ethics (COE).
Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.
All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.
So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.
Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:
1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".
2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.
3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".
Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!
Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.
All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.
So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.
Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:
1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".
2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.
3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".
Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Art of War by Sun Zi (孙子)
Recently, I have re-studied the art of war developed by Sun Zi thousand of years ago. I find new truths in the truths I have discovered earlier and am compelled to share it with you. As usual, the sharing doesn't make me lose anything but only a deeper understanding of what have been understood earlier.
I am not commenting on the whole 13 chapters but the important insights I have derived from these chapters. I have also included some Chinese text in its original form to make it more authentic and also for cross reference in case you want to read further by yourself.
1. Quantitative advantage. More is always stronger than less (故用兵之法，十則圍之，五則攻之，倍則分之，敵則能戰之，少則能 逃之，不若則能避之。故小敵之堅，大敵之擒也) - in a war, the advantages of having more people in a war outweigh the opponent with fewer people.However, this quantitative advantage is only applicable during the battle engagement i.e. if you have 10 people and your opponent has 5, but you only send 2 while your opponent sends 5, it's your opponent that has the quantitative advantage and not you. Have you seen how a big size guy tears a telephone directory in a circus? Actually he is tearing the phonebook bit by bit and not all at once. By doing so, he has quantitative advantage over the phone book.
2.In any battles, it is not advisable to drag the duration of the battle (故兵貴勝，不貴久) - waging a war takes a lot of resources. So, if it drags, your quantitative advantage will be affected.
3.We can only know how to win but cannot realize it until your opponent gives you the opportunity (故曰：勝可知 ，而不可為) - it's just like a badminton or tennis game. We cannot plan our attack and defence plans way in advance. It is during the game that your opponents open up new opportunities due to their weakness and you convert those opportunities into success.
4.Choose your battle (是故勝兵先勝而後求戰，敗兵先戰而後求勝) - according to the Chinese original text, those great generals know they can win, that's why they fight while the inexperienced generals fight first and then try to win. In our normal life, there are so many wars we can wage such as animal rights, politics, public safety, office politics...the challenges are countless but our resources are limited. What can we do? We choose our battles that ensure we can win.
5.Just a simple attack and defense sequence can create an infinite combination (聲不過五，五聲之變， 不可勝聽也) - in the Chinese text, there are only 5 music notes but with it, an infinite combination of sounds to form music. I think it's self-explanatory.
6. In a battle, the formation is more important than the individual's strength (故善戰者，求之于勢，不責于人) - this is to say that teamwork is more important and stronger than individual's capability.
7.For your team to die for you, you must first capture their heart (卒未親附而罰之，則不服，不服則難用也) - if you try to punish your team members before you capture their hearts, it will be hard to get their cooperation.
8.If your team is too close to you, punishment becomes useless and hence hard to use such people(卒已親附而罰不行，則不 可用也) - this is the opposite of point 7. No matter how close we are with our team, it must be clear that they still respect us as their leaders and not buddies
Heavy stuff? Probably. That's why I split into 2 parts....coming soon!
I am not commenting on the whole 13 chapters but the important insights I have derived from these chapters. I have also included some Chinese text in its original form to make it more authentic and also for cross reference in case you want to read further by yourself.
1. Quantitative advantage. More is always stronger than less (故用兵之法，十則圍之，五則攻之，倍則分之，敵則能戰之，少則能 逃之，不若則能避之。故小敵之堅，大敵之擒也) - in a war, the advantages of having more people in a war outweigh the opponent with fewer people.However, this quantitative advantage is only applicable during the battle engagement i.e. if you have 10 people and your opponent has 5, but you only send 2 while your opponent sends 5, it's your opponent that has the quantitative advantage and not you. Have you seen how a big size guy tears a telephone directory in a circus? Actually he is tearing the phonebook bit by bit and not all at once. By doing so, he has quantitative advantage over the phone book.
2.In any battles, it is not advisable to drag the duration of the battle (故兵貴勝，不貴久) - waging a war takes a lot of resources. So, if it drags, your quantitative advantage will be affected.
3.We can only know how to win but cannot realize it until your opponent gives you the opportunity (故曰：勝可知 ，而不可為) - it's just like a badminton or tennis game. We cannot plan our attack and defence plans way in advance. It is during the game that your opponents open up new opportunities due to their weakness and you convert those opportunities into success.
4.Choose your battle (是故勝兵先勝而後求戰，敗兵先戰而後求勝) - according to the Chinese original text, those great generals know they can win, that's why they fight while the inexperienced generals fight first and then try to win. In our normal life, there are so many wars we can wage such as animal rights, politics, public safety, office politics...the challenges are countless but our resources are limited. What can we do? We choose our battles that ensure we can win.
5.Just a simple attack and defense sequence can create an infinite combination (聲不過五，五聲之變， 不可勝聽也) - in the Chinese text, there are only 5 music notes but with it, an infinite combination of sounds to form music. I think it's self-explanatory.
6. In a battle, the formation is more important than the individual's strength (故善戰者，求之于勢，不責于人) - this is to say that teamwork is more important and stronger than individual's capability.
7.For your team to die for you, you must first capture their heart (卒未親附而罰之，則不服，不服則難用也) - if you try to punish your team members before you capture their hearts, it will be hard to get their cooperation.
8.If your team is too close to you, punishment becomes useless and hence hard to use such people(卒已親附而罰不行，則不 可用也) - this is the opposite of point 7. No matter how close we are with our team, it must be clear that they still respect us as their leaders and not buddies
Heavy stuff? Probably. That's why I split into 2 parts....coming soon!
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