Happy New Year! Yes time flies and it is another year. Notice the word 'another'? That's what that will happen if we do not use it well...just another year! Many have attempted to make resolutions but even more have failed. What the heck? Who cares, right?
Well, we do not take resolution seriously because we do not see the rewards for doing well and punishment for failing the year. For those who are observant, they do not want 'just another year'. They want the year to be great and each year is not necessarily greater but great new things happen. So, for those who keep their dreams and resolutions, they gain their reward. If it is to be another year, it shall be another GREAT year. For the rest who drag their life along, it will ALWAYS be another year.
So much for the reward and punishment. But some think they cannot blame themselves because they just don't have the time for resolutions, for checking or even for thinking. If this is the case, I strongly suggest that we all start to think of all the time we have for facebook games, all the time we spend in phone calls and all the time we spend in traffic jams whether in a car or over public transport. Make a point that you WILL repossess 5 minutes from these 3 areas every day and you know what? You will have 91 hours in 2011 just to review your actions and resolutions towards another great year.
All the best!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Facts about Fear
When we want to do something, it is influenced by 'pull' as well as 'push' factors. Pull factors are those that motivate us to do it while push factors are those that force us to take certain actions (change the status quo) or inaction (remain status quo).
Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.
I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).
So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.
If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?
So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)
Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.
I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).
So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.
If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?
So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)
Friday, September 03, 2010
We chase dreams - are we?
I have spoken to a lot of people from all ages about their dreams. On the surface, all look perfect. Each one has something or some things that they want to achieve in their life such as travelling around the world, having a dream house, having a lot of cash...
But the true confusion pops out when I ask the question "What's your plan?" Most answers I hear are sometimes ironic, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes kiddish and sometimes out of whack! I do respect someone's right to chase their dreams in their own unique ways. But the common question remains : "By doing what we are doing, is it going to bring us closer to that dream?" Most of the time, the answer is NO. That's the issue.
I am not able to analyze everyone's dream and their plans. While saying so, I am able to introduce some techniques that can at least help us verify if our plans and our dreams are indeed aligned.
First, we need to understand what is actually required to achieve a specific dream of ours. For example, we want to be able to travel around the world. What do you actually need? To me, it is about money and health.
Next, we need to look at all the key activities that we are doing currently and identify those that we think can help us achieve that dream. List down all the ones that we think will be able to help us achieve that dream. Once you have that list, apply the '5 why's' (5Y) technique. For example, one may have identified learning French as an important step. Start the 5Y process:
Q1 : Why learning French can help achieve my dream?
A : I can communicate better with the locals
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : ????
If you get stuck, that means that activity you plan most likely is not going to help you achieve that dream. It may help by adding value but it is NOT bringing us closer to that dream. However, if the dream is 'to live in France' for 1 year, then learning Frenck helps. You then continue with th 5Y.
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : It helps me to become part of the society.
Q3 : Why becoming part of the society is important?
A : I will be able to live a fuller life but accepting the values of the French people.
Q4 : Why do we need to live a fuller life?
A : So that it will give me a unique experience that I will remember forever
Q5 : Why do you want to remember a unique experience forever?
A : If we look back at life, it is all about memories and the more unique experiences I have, the more quality life I have lived.
Of course, we can always continue to ask why. But generally, once we hit the fifth why, it gets down to the core reason and most likely that is really what you want.
Good luck, dream chasers!
But the true confusion pops out when I ask the question "What's your plan?" Most answers I hear are sometimes ironic, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes kiddish and sometimes out of whack! I do respect someone's right to chase their dreams in their own unique ways. But the common question remains : "By doing what we are doing, is it going to bring us closer to that dream?" Most of the time, the answer is NO. That's the issue.
I am not able to analyze everyone's dream and their plans. While saying so, I am able to introduce some techniques that can at least help us verify if our plans and our dreams are indeed aligned.
First, we need to understand what is actually required to achieve a specific dream of ours. For example, we want to be able to travel around the world. What do you actually need? To me, it is about money and health.
Next, we need to look at all the key activities that we are doing currently and identify those that we think can help us achieve that dream. List down all the ones that we think will be able to help us achieve that dream. Once you have that list, apply the '5 why's' (5Y) technique. For example, one may have identified learning French as an important step. Start the 5Y process:
Q1 : Why learning French can help achieve my dream?
A : I can communicate better with the locals
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : ????
If you get stuck, that means that activity you plan most likely is not going to help you achieve that dream. It may help by adding value but it is NOT bringing us closer to that dream. However, if the dream is 'to live in France' for 1 year, then learning Frenck helps. You then continue with th 5Y.
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : It helps me to become part of the society.
Q3 : Why becoming part of the society is important?
A : I will be able to live a fuller life but accepting the values of the French people.
Q4 : Why do we need to live a fuller life?
A : So that it will give me a unique experience that I will remember forever
Q5 : Why do you want to remember a unique experience forever?
A : If we look back at life, it is all about memories and the more unique experiences I have, the more quality life I have lived.
Of course, we can always continue to ask why. But generally, once we hit the fifth why, it gets down to the core reason and most likely that is really what you want.
Good luck, dream chasers!
Friday, July 09, 2010
We have our Codes of Ethics - but which set of codes?
I have read a book by Richard Ludlum about spy stories and he mentioned a very good insight about common sense. "Common sense is not seen from our eyes, but from the other guy's eyes". What looks illogical to us makes perfect logical sense for the other guy. There are many reasons but one key point is our codes of ethics (COE).
Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.
All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.
So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.
Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:
1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".
2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.
3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".
Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!
Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.
All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.
So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.
Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:
1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".
2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.
3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".
Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Art of War by Sun Zi (孙子)
Recently, I have re-studied the art of war developed by Sun Zi thousand of years ago. I find new truths in the truths I have discovered earlier and am compelled to share it with you. As usual, the sharing doesn't make me lose anything but only a deeper understanding of what have been understood earlier.
I am not commenting on the whole 13 chapters but the important insights I have derived from these chapters. I have also included some Chinese text in its original form to make it more authentic and also for cross reference in case you want to read further by yourself.
1. Quantitative advantage. More is always stronger than less (故用兵之法，十則圍之，五則攻之，倍則分之，敵則能戰之，少則能 逃之，不若則能避之。故小敵之堅，大敵之擒也) - in a war, the advantages of having more people in a war outweigh the opponent with fewer people.However, this quantitative advantage is only applicable during the battle engagement i.e. if you have 10 people and your opponent has 5, but you only send 2 while your opponent sends 5, it's your opponent that has the quantitative advantage and not you. Have you seen how a big size guy tears a telephone directory in a circus? Actually he is tearing the phonebook bit by bit and not all at once. By doing so, he has quantitative advantage over the phone book.
2.In any battles, it is not advisable to drag the duration of the battle (故兵貴勝，不貴久) - waging a war takes a lot of resources. So, if it drags, your quantitative advantage will be affected.
3.We can only know how to win but cannot realize it until your opponent gives you the opportunity (故曰：勝可知 ，而不可為) - it's just like a badminton or tennis game. We cannot plan our attack and defence plans way in advance. It is during the game that your opponents open up new opportunities due to their weakness and you convert those opportunities into success.
4.Choose your battle (是故勝兵先勝而後求戰，敗兵先戰而後求勝) - according to the Chinese original text, those great generals know they can win, that's why they fight while the inexperienced generals fight first and then try to win. In our normal life, there are so many wars we can wage such as animal rights, politics, public safety, office politics...the challenges are countless but our resources are limited. What can we do? We choose our battles that ensure we can win.
5.Just a simple attack and defense sequence can create an infinite combination (聲不過五，五聲之變， 不可勝聽也) - in the Chinese text, there are only 5 music notes but with it, an infinite combination of sounds to form music. I think it's self-explanatory.
6. In a battle, the formation is more important than the individual's strength (故善戰者，求之于勢，不責于人) - this is to say that teamwork is more important and stronger than individual's capability.
7.For your team to die for you, you must first capture their heart (卒未親附而罰之，則不服，不服則難用也) - if you try to punish your team members before you capture their hearts, it will be hard to get their cooperation.
8.If your team is too close to you, punishment becomes useless and hence hard to use such people(卒已親附而罰不行，則不 可用也) - this is the opposite of point 7. No matter how close we are with our team, it must be clear that they still respect us as their leaders and not buddies
Heavy stuff? Probably. That's why I split into 2 parts....coming soon!
I am not commenting on the whole 13 chapters but the important insights I have derived from these chapters. I have also included some Chinese text in its original form to make it more authentic and also for cross reference in case you want to read further by yourself.
1. Quantitative advantage. More is always stronger than less (故用兵之法，十則圍之，五則攻之，倍則分之，敵則能戰之，少則能 逃之，不若則能避之。故小敵之堅，大敵之擒也) - in a war, the advantages of having more people in a war outweigh the opponent with fewer people.However, this quantitative advantage is only applicable during the battle engagement i.e. if you have 10 people and your opponent has 5, but you only send 2 while your opponent sends 5, it's your opponent that has the quantitative advantage and not you. Have you seen how a big size guy tears a telephone directory in a circus? Actually he is tearing the phonebook bit by bit and not all at once. By doing so, he has quantitative advantage over the phone book.
2.In any battles, it is not advisable to drag the duration of the battle (故兵貴勝，不貴久) - waging a war takes a lot of resources. So, if it drags, your quantitative advantage will be affected.
3.We can only know how to win but cannot realize it until your opponent gives you the opportunity (故曰：勝可知 ，而不可為) - it's just like a badminton or tennis game. We cannot plan our attack and defence plans way in advance. It is during the game that your opponents open up new opportunities due to their weakness and you convert those opportunities into success.
4.Choose your battle (是故勝兵先勝而後求戰，敗兵先戰而後求勝) - according to the Chinese original text, those great generals know they can win, that's why they fight while the inexperienced generals fight first and then try to win. In our normal life, there are so many wars we can wage such as animal rights, politics, public safety, office politics...the challenges are countless but our resources are limited. What can we do? We choose our battles that ensure we can win.
5.Just a simple attack and defense sequence can create an infinite combination (聲不過五，五聲之變， 不可勝聽也) - in the Chinese text, there are only 5 music notes but with it, an infinite combination of sounds to form music. I think it's self-explanatory.
6. In a battle, the formation is more important than the individual's strength (故善戰者，求之于勢，不責于人) - this is to say that teamwork is more important and stronger than individual's capability.
7.For your team to die for you, you must first capture their heart (卒未親附而罰之，則不服，不服則難用也) - if you try to punish your team members before you capture their hearts, it will be hard to get their cooperation.
8.If your team is too close to you, punishment becomes useless and hence hard to use such people(卒已親附而罰不行，則不 可用也) - this is the opposite of point 7. No matter how close we are with our team, it must be clear that they still respect us as their leaders and not buddies
Heavy stuff? Probably. That's why I split into 2 parts....coming soon!
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Winning makes us feel more confident, losing makes us wiser
There are times that we don’t enjoy certain conversations, not because the subject is uninteresting but because my chat member challenges me too much. Naturally, we enjoy conversations where at the end it, we manage to impress our viewpoint and feel more right after that. But on the hind sight, such ‘successful conversation’ doesn’t make us better. We gain more confidence no doubt, but we don’t expand our horizon.
On the contrary, when we are challenged by our friends, when they challenge the very sacred truth we hold, it is actually a true test of our conviction.
If we are thinking of how to improve ourselves, this is it. In such a situation, we need to use up all that we know, all that we understand to defend our position. Through it all, we either reinforce our belief or we expand our understanding. Whichever the case, we benefit although during the conversation, it is an agony.
If we take a step back, ask ourselves why are we so agitated when our belief is challenged or questioned. If we have so much conviction, what can change that belief and hence why the agitation when we are questioned? In my opinion, it's because of the fear of the unknown. "What happens if he is right?", "How can I be wrong when I experienced it myself?" Simply put, we are worried subconsciously that if this sacred cow is shattered, then we may be lost or we may need to re-engineer the truth from the scratch. We will have sleepless nights, we will try to salvage that past truth, we will...naturally, the mind will say 'defend yourself from the challenge', 'avoid this trouble-maker'...
Do you have such friends that don’t hesitate to challenge you? Don’t sack all of them as they do play a role.
On the contrary, when we are challenged by our friends, when they challenge the very sacred truth we hold, it is actually a true test of our conviction.
If we are thinking of how to improve ourselves, this is it. In such a situation, we need to use up all that we know, all that we understand to defend our position. Through it all, we either reinforce our belief or we expand our understanding. Whichever the case, we benefit although during the conversation, it is an agony.
If we take a step back, ask ourselves why are we so agitated when our belief is challenged or questioned. If we have so much conviction, what can change that belief and hence why the agitation when we are questioned? In my opinion, it's because of the fear of the unknown. "What happens if he is right?", "How can I be wrong when I experienced it myself?" Simply put, we are worried subconsciously that if this sacred cow is shattered, then we may be lost or we may need to re-engineer the truth from the scratch. We will have sleepless nights, we will try to salvage that past truth, we will...naturally, the mind will say 'defend yourself from the challenge', 'avoid this trouble-maker'...
Do you have such friends that don’t hesitate to challenge you? Don’t sack all of them as they do play a role.
Friday, April 16, 2010
How many days are there in a week? To some, it's only 2.
Each day, many people are counting their days to the weekends as though they are born for weekends and the rest (weekdays) are merely part of the process. If we were to only 'live' when the weekend arrives, we only use 29% of our lives. Or in a more negative way, we fail to live in 71% of our lives. Ain't that sad? For a terminally ill person, every extra day is a bonus and here we are, criticizing it, treating the week days with no respect.
If we hate what we do so much during the weekdays, why do we still continue doing? Why don't we just stop what we hate doing and move on to something we like? Why don't we create an escape plan that can help us get out? Is it really the environment that forces us to continue doing what we hate, or is it just a case of plain cowardice of not having the guts to face a new world?
I have the chance to talk to a foreign worker recently. After knowing him for about 6months by now, I find his thinking is much more advanced than a lot of the lucky people in Malaysia who prefer to label themselves as 'some poor guys trapped in the rat race'. This foreign worker has a clear escape plan. He knows exactly how long he wants to stay in this country, how hard he needs to work, how much money he needs to earn and save and what he wants to do when he goes back to his home country. If he is caught by the police for illegal staying, he knows it's still worth the risk. If he has to wake up at 4 am to work, he knows it's part of the master plan. To him, everything is clear even if he doesn't know what the next odd job is coming up next week. Such is the power and vision of an unskilled laborer. As uneducated as he is, it is not an excuse for not being able to plan his escape route. The only thing he has is 'carpe diem' - seizing the day.
'Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called Present' - taught to me by my son when he was 9 years old.
If we hate what we do so much during the weekdays, why do we still continue doing? Why don't we just stop what we hate doing and move on to something we like? Why don't we create an escape plan that can help us get out? Is it really the environment that forces us to continue doing what we hate, or is it just a case of plain cowardice of not having the guts to face a new world?
I have the chance to talk to a foreign worker recently. After knowing him for about 6months by now, I find his thinking is much more advanced than a lot of the lucky people in Malaysia who prefer to label themselves as 'some poor guys trapped in the rat race'. This foreign worker has a clear escape plan. He knows exactly how long he wants to stay in this country, how hard he needs to work, how much money he needs to earn and save and what he wants to do when he goes back to his home country. If he is caught by the police for illegal staying, he knows it's still worth the risk. If he has to wake up at 4 am to work, he knows it's part of the master plan. To him, everything is clear even if he doesn't know what the next odd job is coming up next week. Such is the power and vision of an unskilled laborer. As uneducated as he is, it is not an excuse for not being able to plan his escape route. The only thing he has is 'carpe diem' - seizing the day.
'Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called Present' - taught to me by my son when he was 9 years old.
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