Busy or don't know what to do

I once came across a quote in a shopping mall that said 'those who don't know how to enjoy life have not discovered shopping'. While the intention is to encourage spending, I think there is an alternative meaning to it. We keep doing the same thing because that was the only way we know so far.

I spoke to many people especially the successful ones and I see some common traits of these highly effective people:

1. I like to keep myself busy
2. By the 3rd day of my holiday, I find life too slow
   
3. I have dreams of what I want to do with my life, but my schedule is just too tight
   

Sounds familiar? Read on...

Would it be that we keep ourselves busy not because we want it but because we just don't know what to do with life. And since we don't what to do, then may be it is better to keep ourselves busy or to be more specific, let others or our jobs keep ourselves busy. If we know so well what we want to do with life, then how can a person be bored after 3rd day of holiday.

A little acid test to our achievements in life. List down some of your big achievements in your work and personal life. Grow sales despite economic slowdown, contain budget, bought a new house with high potential return, goes to the gym 4 times a week consistently...remember this feeling you are having now as you list down.

Now, imagine you have a colleague who is diagnosed for 4th stage liver cancer. You visit him and he tells you about his achievements which so happens to be the ones I listed above or those that you have in your mind. Do you still find the achievements very relevant in his context? Well, yes or no, you decide but one thing for sure...that guy can be you. If you find that your achievements like growing sales and market shares are less relevant, then better think again.

The power to create and destroy

No, we are not talking about super power or playing with god. Not that deep or far-fetched. We are talking about the power of parents.

When I go to a friend's place, I notice different attitudes of their children. Some greet me and ask after me. Some are too engrossed with what they are doing and cannot be bothered about my presence or probably not worth bothering.

Well, for children, having visitors was a first experience at some point their process of growing. They naturally responded in the best way they thought in that situation then and that response became their benchmark. As time went by, that became their attitude. However if the parents interfered with that response and insisted that their kids must greet visitor regardless of what they were doing then, it would influence the response of their kids.

What does this mean? It means that parents have the power to create, destroy or continue any tradition. Each generation is a cross road and the parents bear the highest responsibility. If you teach your kids your mother tongue, that it shall continue for another generation. When your kids teach their kids the mother tongue, it will then be transferred for another generation.

So parents united, use your power and use it carefully.

Happy Mother's Day!

My very own anger management

I bought some educational CD's that I can play in the car while I'm stuck in jams. This CD makes such an impact to me that I think it is worth sharing. And the beauty is that it's so easy to have a traffic jam and so opportunities to perfect my anger management is abundant. Ever since I realized some truths of anger, I have not been angry since Feb this year. If there were some 'near-misses', i felt bad and I think that is a good start. At least I know I want to manage better.


Here are my management tips:

Sea water
What is the difference between pure water and sea water? Sea water is most salty of course. But it is actually pure water but mixed with salt. So, sea water is actually pure water but it is 'contaminated with salt'. Same goes for people. There are people who are rude. Is that the person or is that his attitude? If we are able to treat that all people are 'pure water' but some become salty because of the 'salty attitude', we could then be more forgiving. It's not him. It's not his face. It's not his dressing. It's his attitude today. When I look around the cars stuck around me, I see 2 things in each face. The pure person and the 'salty' attitude. And sometimes I wish I could help them ease some irritation on their face. To do that , I allow them to come into my line instead of 'I hate people jumping the line!!!!!!'

If the above step doesn't work, never mind. Try the next:

Stabbing ourselves
Each time I'm angry, I feel pain or discomfort in my physical heart. So I imagine that each time I'm angry, it's like I am stabbing my own heart with an invisible knife. The knife may be virtual but the pain is true. So now, each time I feel like getting angry, the image of myself stabbing my own heart stops my anger. Why am I hurting myself when someones does something wrong? When the incident is over, I reflect upon it hours later and realize that it is not just the anger at the moment. If that happens, it will also probably affect my positive mood from that incident until the time I reflect. All in all, it's not worth it.

If the above still doesn't help, try this:

The big 'MY'
It is irritating because it is blocking MY view. The car is delaying MY appointment. He is trying to squeeze into MY line. He is spoiling MY day. Mine...oh....mine. Oh MY god. I did it MY way. Notice that the problem arises because it is MY thing? If in a jam, we don't treat the line we are following is MY line, most likely, when another car is joining the traffic, you don't feel 'trespassed' because it is not MY line anymore. It's our line.

Still cannot work? Then use the more conventional way:

Patience is a virtue
In most religions I have seen, patience has always been regarded as a virtue, something the followers ought to cultivate. So, all the irritating incidents that are happening is a way for us to cultivate patience. When we are angry each time there is an irritating incident, that means we are far from perfection. If we are half the time angry, hey...i am 50% from perfect. If we can handle each situation, then congrats! You have perfected patience. Finally, patience can be measured.

I'm sorry for those who don't have a jam to practice anger management. For the rest, aren't we lucky to have jams? Aaaaaahhh...Monday's jam is the best one!

What can time buy?

I was buying things in a pharmacy last week and I overheard someone talking on the mobile phone. The conversation was about 10 minutes and the whole discussion was nothing more than which brand to buy and whether the price was the best in the country.

I am sure at that time, there was a doctor out there who was faced by a emergency situation where he/she has to make a life-or-death surgery on an accident victim in order to continue life.

In the first case, the caller feels great because she has bought something for the lowest price, probably $2 cheaper than everyone else in the country. Then there is this doctor who also feels great because she manages to save a life due to her 'bets' she took.

We could be from different walks of life, different countries, different beliefs but whatever the differences, we are blessed with exactly 24 hours in a day. If one prefers to spend 20% of one's timing bargaining, what one will get back is the money saved. Is it worth it? Only the person can judge. One can also spend 20% of one's time doing charity work, is it worth it? Again, only the person can tell.

My message here is that everyone is granted the same amount of time in a day. If time is a currency, think of what this newly founded 'money' can buy. Some use it like 'discount coupon' to buy the lowest price, some spend it to 'buy peace' while others did not buy anything but their 'money' was stolen by their friends who engage them in idle talking and activities.

My other message is that we need to ask ourselves 'Has it been worth it, all this time that was spent in this particular activity?' To help you check whether it's worth it, ask yourself the following questions:
Can you recall its benefits? Does it make you a much better person today? When you think back, can it gives you the same pleasure? Most of all, do you feel happy when you think back?

If it doesn't, most likely it is not worth it. It is mostly like an idle activity.

With that, I hope it can suggest some new resolutions for this Chinese New Year.

For those whose resolutions stop as soon as they start, may I share some tips with you. Have a few resolutions starting on different significant dates. Some start on 1/1/09, some start on 1st day of Chinese New Year, reserve some for Hari Raya, Wesak Day, Labor Day...

A new chicken and egg situation

Well, it has been quite a while since I wrote. What should I say? Time flies? But that doesn't mean I have not encountered any new incidents that worth writing, only that have not been writing.

I have some skin problem called eczema. For those who experienced before, you will know that it is a sticky issue because initially the part affected is itchy and then I scratch it, and then it becomes more itchy, and I scratch further. When do I stop? When all the dead skins have been scratched off and what left is the normal skin. By then, some 'little wounds' will have been created during the 'pleasure time' as now the pleasure is lower and the pain is sensed. I regretted scratching it (sure because it is painful now and the logical part of myself takes over). As the wound heals and the dead skin accumulates, the temptation to scratch begins. Then, the whole story starts again...and thinking of it, it has been 5 years!

I realize that this pleasure and pain is one entity but only at different extreme. Just like cold and hot is part of temperature. Now the question that needs to be answered is which is the 'chicken' and which is the 'egg' (which is the cause and which is the effect). There are a lot of times we thought we know, but do check again.

Those who are actively running in the rat race, there are high and low in our months. There are crazy months where budgeting, meetings and visitors just have to happen at the same time. Then usually there is a peaceful period during the end of the year as most people take their holidays or last attempt to 'clear their leave entitlement'. During the peak time, we feel like this job sucks and almost want to quit. But by December when we look back, aaahh it was a meaningful experience. In fact, the pain then makes the vacation now even a more enjoyable and rewarding one!!

Now, which is the cause and which is the effect? In my case, is the pain worth it because it makes the scratching part more pleasurable? We work late nights and then we 'enjoy' the weekend better by sleeping more? We take unnecessary risks to gain extra money so that we can buy ourselves a favorite bag? Will I miss the pleasurable scratching if my eczema is fully treated? Is it the subconscious reason I have let myself to go through this pain-pleasure trip for 5 years?

The key messages I want to share are:

1. we need to understand that pain and pleasure are actually one entity. We should not complain about the pain but yet consciously and subconsciously enjoy the pleasure because of the pain.
2. we need to ask ourselves is the pain worth it? IE we should put the pain as the 'cause' and the pleasure as the effect' to ensure that we do not indulge in short-term pleasure while the situation deteriorates. You will understand better when you see a person who have lost his limbs due to diabetes (while some are born with insulin deficiency, the rest is failure to avoid high-sugar foods)
3. look out for alternative pleasures IE what pleasure we can get if the pain is gone forever?

Looks like I have to start scratching my head for the answer than scratching my leg for the pleasure!

Happy new year!!