Being a relatively more analytical person, I almost analyze anything and relationship is not exception. What is interesting is that as I go through the stages of my relationship with my wife, from classmates to husband and wife, I am quite amazed that every stage of our relationship begins with the letter ’C’. I even observe friends’ relationship and realized that they go through the same stage as mine too. Perhaps as you continue reading, yours fall into the same pattern…
Common. When we first get attracted to someone, we always talk about common things. It could be a common interest, a common gym, a common workplace and most of the time, we talk about ‘other people’ and events that are commonly known. If those guys seem to click with each other, then move on the stage to…
Confession. This is the time when things get a bit intimate (not physically though!) Your partner starts telling you things that you did not ask i.e. confessing. She may tell you about her past dark side, and you may tell her about your failed relationship or abusive parent. If you are at this stage, be clear about what you want as this is where a boyfriend-girlfriend thing usually starts. Once the relationship sparks, wow, then the 1st 2 weeks are like heaven on earth! The world is bright and shining and even pain seems to be more beautiful! What’s my advice? Make full use for it as rain is about to pour…
Control. What comes after bright sky? Yes, rain of course. This is the time when both try to influence each other. Your girlfriend may tell you that your hairstyle is outdated. You may find her using the word ‘hate’ excessively. This is the time that makes or breaks a relationship. For those who sacrifice in the name of love, they will endure this torrential rain of nagging but it has to be both parties. Otherwise, this is the beginning of the ending. From control, it can go to conflict.
Let’s say you bring enough umbrellas for this weather…
Compromise. This is when you have 10 ‘should do’ but are willing to cut down to 5 if your girlfriend agrees to comply. You, on the other hand, agree to follow 5 of your girlfriends ‘must have’. Not happy but okay. Life can go on. While the big rain is gone, there are scattered intermittent showers from time to time. This usually happens when your girlfriend’s best mate asks her why your belly is getting bigger and your girlfriend will reply ‘aaah, that guy just doesn’t listen. Keep going out with his gang of lousy friends whose average waist is 38 inches!’. Don’t laugh yet okay. You are the same too. You will sit together with your fatty friends and see some gorgeous ladies at the store with long silky hair. There you go mumbling “I always tell my girlfriend that long hair is the universal beauty but she keeps her hair short like a tomboy!” Anyway, life goes on…
Commitment. This word is usually received with some trauma by men. Anyway, this is the time when the turbulence is over and things move the same way day-in-day-out. To create some excitement out of this monotonous life, you or your partner suddenly have this brilliant idea called “let’s get married”! Some are not impulsive though. Some are well planned. For these, it is not a sudden spark of idea but a well conceived plan from Day One. They will utter something short but with very deep meaning that you can find an excuse to avoid. “It’s time”. There goes the wedding plan. You plan all the way until you can even tell what flowers you want to use that day. But ask a question beyond that big day, it is a brief “don’t know”. You plan to have kids? DK. You guys going for honeymoon. DK. Then comes the big party where half of the people that attend the weeding you also DK.
Confusion. One way or another, we manage to get over the hangover of the word ‘wedding’ and got back into life. New house, new bed, new bills but same spouse? As there are no plans earlier what will happen after wedding, naturally there is just a big wide space right in front of you. Well, some talk to others and manage to develop some sort of plan to move forward. Others prefer self-discovery and are still self-discovering after 5 years! But I have to say some are more unfortunate. They branch out to the ‘condemned avenue and are stuck for the rest of their waking hours. For those who don’t, somehow they will soon upgrade to the next stage…
Contentment. It’s not because everything turns out in the way you want it to be, but because whether it is good or bad, you seem to ‘like’ it! It’s like nature-lovers who appreciate the beauty of mountains and disasters of seas. It has a deeper meaning than just feeling good about an event. It is a more profound respect and peace for nature….’come what may, I’m here to stay’ attitude you got there! Fully confident, I’m eager to upgrade to the next stage. But I cannot report further until I pass this stage.
I’m sure there are many C’s lie ahead for life is a big learning institution. Could it be contagious? Perhaps conspicuous? Or even condemned?? Well, let’s find out!
