Biggest and Longest Project Ever - LIFE

Recently, I have been using the term 'project' very frequently. Each time an event has been completed, I asked myself, "What's the next project?" When I am going through some times of difficulties, I have a feeling that I am still in the midst of a complicated project and somehow I know that it will take some time and effort before it is completed: because it's a project.

Today, I realize that all these mini projects that I do monthly and the mid-sized projects that I do yearly are all connected. It is part of another bigger project called 'LIFE'. Hence if I break down LIFE, it is made up of multiple projects that are geared towards a bigger outcome. The interesting point is if I can create and align my projects towards a specific direction, can I then determine the outcome of my LIFE? Yes, I do! And while some may comment that there are surprises in life, I would take those surprises as additional bonuses just like 'chance' and 'opportunity' cards in the game of Monopoly. And these events are another sets of projects too :)

So, I would like to suggest to you to view life as a mega project and in it, lies many projects that are partially effected by us and partly affected by the environment. The reason for this is that when we take on the role as a Project Manager, we could easily identify the skills and qualities that we need and if we can build on those requirements, projects become much smoother and meaningful and so will life be.

Here are my take about being a Project Manager that will help shape your life:

1. In a project, there are a beginning and an ending.
1. Whatever we endure may come to an end. Focus on the immediate steps because if we can do the immediate steps well, we can do the next immediate steps well too.
2. Whatever we enjoy may end too. We constantly need to identify and start new projects.
2. Project management helps us focus better on:
1. what is important and what is not. 
2. what we need to do next. 
3. In project management, we need multiple skills.
1. Vision - to define the outcome we want in each project and align the outcome of each project to form  a larger outcome.
2. Leverage - we need to identify and connect with people that can help us in our project, just like how a developer needs to employ engineers, architects and contractors.
3. Leadership - how to lead the team towards what we want them to do while fully aware that they don't necessarily report to us.
4. Creativity - how to develop options when things are not going the way we want.
5. Resourcefulness - how to get the resources we need for projects and solving blockages.
6. Self Motivation - how to keep ourselves focused and energized to move on including having the right coach or mentor.
7. Perseverance - humble enough to know that we can effect a change but the environment can affect that change too. Being patient and knowing when to do what is important.
4. When things are going well, look far for opportunities. When things are not smooth, look near and focus on the immediate steps so that if we can do these steps well, the 'next' immediate steps can be accomplished too.
5. Change in plan is expected:
1. The environment may be adverse at times. 
2. If we cannot solve it, we need to resolve it i.e. finding a closure and move on.

And equally important, design a project called 'Happiness' because happiness does not come free. We need to work on it too!

Building Self Esteem

In my coaching sessions, I have come across cases of clients who are not confident or people who are hard to please themselves. It looks normal? Well it is, if the person runs a mental program (pattern) so often that it has become a habit and is executed without any thinking. It becomes natural reflex!

There are a few common causes for low self esteem and low confidence. The most common one is the Asian value of trying to be humble. What it means by humble is that we are not supposed to think highly of ourselves in fear of being egoistic and stop learning. In the process of 'being humble', we discount ourselves more than necessary, we lose our esteem and our confidence as well.

Another reason for the low esteem comes from denying our strengths. 'Fake it till you make it' - if we deny so much and so often, what we deny becomes true. Example: If someone says you are good at singing of which you are but you deny, you may become what you deny. However, this is different from another scenario where the person knows he is good and he is confident about himself, but just want to deny it only to show off his singing later. For those who have such practice, if you think that it's humbling, then I'm sorry to say not all see it that way. Some, including me, see it as insulting the person who gives the compliment and a person who is egoistic because his words and actions are not congruent!

The next reason, which is a result of past incidents from self, school, family, friends and environment, is that the person truly thinks he does not DESERVE good things or good treatment. He believes that he is a second class citizen, he is the child of a lesser God, he is the adopted child in the family….to the point that he is unable to accept help and compliments because he believes he is not WORTH it and hence, does not deserve anything good. It could be related to guilt that was seeded in the earlier days or in some past events, but we will not discuss that in this round.

Regardless of what level you are at, whether you have any of the signs mentioned above or are totally free from these problems, there are some easy things that when you use it often, it will build and continuously build your self esteem. It may sound simple and magically it works:

1. When someone gives you a compliment and you think it's genuine, say THANK YOU.
• This will help you to accept compliments when due. If we can accept critics when it's bad, wouldn't it be fair we can also accept compliments?
2. When you have genuinely helped someone and the person thinks it is a great help and thank you for that, says YOU ARE WELCOME. I'M GLAD I COULD HELP.
• This gesture will help us to acknowledge to ourselves that we are capable of helping others. We are more than we think.
3. APPRECIATE the things, skills and knowledge that you ALREADY HAVE. 
• Do not add the word 'BUT' at the back followed by some negative comments as it will erode your self esteem. 
• If you cannot think of any, remember those moments where either people say 'thank you' to you or you say 'welcome' to people. 
• By doing so, you will notice that you are richer and more enriched than you think. 
4. CELEBRATE your achievements.
• When you celebrate, you are reminding yourself of your success which will help you boost your confidence.
• The visual, sound and actions of the celebration get wired into your mental system and it will motivate you to want more achievements.
5. UPGRADE yourself
• There is this fear that when we appreciate too much and celebrate too much, we become lazy and stop growing. That's why I encourage you to upgrade yourself so that you continue to learn and continue to celebrate and continue to appreciate.
• However, upgrading yourself does not necessarily mean growing in the same areas. You may decide to keep your skills where you are in the meantime, and upgrade something else that is more important at this point in time. Example, if a person has enough income, he may want to consider having better health. If he thinks that he can have more money, go ahead…as long as it is an upgrade.

Follow these simple guidelines, and see how the self esteem and confidence are built every day and before long, it becomes your new habits. In short, practice these 4 things:

ACKNOWLEDGE

APPRECIATE

CELEBRATE

UPGRADE

Addressing a problem with SOAP

Problems and solutions are actually the same thing but at different times. The former is at the beginning while the latter is at the end. So, problem and solution are just part of an event. And it becomes a problem when we give a meaning to that situation and label it as PROBLEM.

Well, we will not go into the meaning we give to a particular situation today. We will focus our discussion in the assumption that analyses have been done and the situation has been identified as a problem.

Now, I see people 'solving' problems in my line of work and many are not clear of what they can or cannot do. I guess it's fair to say that if our solutions to a problem evolve around what we cannot do, it is not a good strategy.

So, at the very beginning when we approach a problem, we can first determine what we can or cannot do so that we focus on the right strategies. However, do note that if there are areas where we don't have the capability, do remember that we can leverage on others to help.

To keep it simple what strategies are more effective, I have coined an acronym 'S.O.A.P.' It stands for 4 approaches to a problem : Solve, Overcome, Avoid and Prevent.'

Solve:
We design a solution that can neutralize the problem. For example, we fix a leaking tap or change the tyres of our car. When using the 'solving' approach, check whether you have the RESOURCES to get the job done. Resources here refer to time, money and effort. If yes, the solving is an effective way.

Prevent:
We always here the saying 'prevention is better than cure'. While preventing seems to be the best solution, the question remains: Can you control the source of the problem? If you have no control of  the source, then preventing will not be effective. We employ the right staff to execute the work to prevent  facing problems later. The key to this strategy is that we have CONTROL over the source of the problem.

Avoid:
In avoiding, we have no control over the source of the problem. When the problem happens, we make sure we are out of harm's way and in doing so, are not affected by the negative factors. Avoiding is a good strategy if we have MOBILITY i.e. we have the capability to move things around. Examples of avoiding a problem is like we back up our business data. We know hacking and computer virus could cause data loss, so we keep a separate set of backup in an independent storage.

Overcome:
When we don't have the resources to solve a problem, we don't have control over the problem source and we cannot avoid the issue, then overcoming becomes a relevant approach. In other words, we receive the beatings of the problem but we compensate the situation with benefits from other sources so that the net effect is not too bad. When a person is stuck in a jam, she may overcome her frustration by listening to her favorite songs.

Now, let's use  SOAP on some of the common scenarios below:

• Your expenses will go up when GST is implemented:
• Can you stop GST? No. So prevention is out.
• Do you have the resources to solve GST? No, you are not the government.
• Can you avoid? Well, if you want to migrate, then it makes sense. If not, no.
• Can you overcome? Yes, that's the only option left anyway :) We can increase our price like the rest to make more money and we can look for new business to cover for higher expenses. We can also save by cutting wastage.
• Your business will cost higher once GST is implemented and you anticipate your customers may buy less:
• Solve: I'm able to justify the price increase and my clients should be able to accept since my products are unique (i.e. you have the resources to maintain sales)
• Prevent: I lock the price in 2014 for 2 years so that my customers get 6% discount to nullify GST.
• Avoid: I position my services under 'education' so that it is exempted from GST.
• Overcome: Well, I need to get more customers to cover for the possible sales decline in my  current customers.

Happy solving!

You are investing. Really?

Like most people who want to have a better and more comfortable life in the future, I make sure I make my money work hard just like me. We want be sure we can arrive at the desirable financial state on time….or perhaps in time.

Many laypersons like me who are not from the finance and investment industries, we are less attracted to technical and financial terms such as GDP, national debt or moving averages. Most laypersons are more interested in “how much the interest is, how much I can get if I were to invest for 5 years or how much I can sell off this house after 5 years?”. The financial elements that we are interested in are those that benefit or threaten us directly and immediately. That’s why I write this article to give a better understanding of the concepts related to investment s from a layperson perspective so that we are clearer on our financial positions and also the purposes of certain investing. 

‘Investment’ is one of the most common financial terms used in our daily dialog. We use this term for anything ranging from buying a house to buying a mobile phone. To be fair, even developers and property agents also use the term ‘investment’ loosely to indicate ‘you can make money.’ In concept, investment refers to money that you already have and you want to make your money work harder i.e. give you better returns. So what are considered as money you already have? Your hard-earned money you have in the bank or EPF, your money in the form of shares or bonds that you have paid for and also the house you have already owned. The key word is ‘have’ which means the investments you have are already fully owned by you.

Now, let’s take a look at a house you intend to buy. The property is sold to you at RM500,000 and you think that this property can appreciate rapidly in the next 5 years. You feel good because you have made a sound investment. The question is: “Did you pay with your own money or you take a housing loan to make the purchase?” If you are using your own money that you already have, then it is called investment. But if you do not own the $500,000 and are using a bank loan, you are actually not investing. You are actually trading. The simple concept of trading is ‘buy low and sell high’. For instance, you buy a property at $500,000 and you sell it later for $700,000 to  make $200,000. With the margin you make, you settle the loan and interests incurred by the loan you have taken earlier and the balance is called ‘profit before property gain tax’. Is the property purchase different from a convenient store that buys bread at $2.80 and sells to a shopper at $3.20? It’s more or less the same i.e. “buy low and sell high”. So, when you buy something not with your own money and you plan to sell it for a profit, you are actually trading.

In trading, the areas of focus will be quite different from investment. For investment, it is more towards return on investment and also its security. For trading, it's about ‘buy low and sell high’ and so profiteering comes from selling at higher prices (better margin), selling more at one time (better revenue) or accelerating the buying-selling cycle faster (faster turnaround). The other important factor will be how much you can ‘leverage’ by using other people’s money (e.g. bank loan) or other investors with real money. So, is the house that you live in right now yours? If yes, hope your investment is giving you good returns soon. If it is still under a bank loan, well…how is the trading so far?

There are times that you buy something to use and when you sell it away later, it is lower than the original price bought. A good example will be a car. Buying a car now and plan to sell it later at a loss is actually rental as a concept. The main difference is that in actual rental, you don’t own that car but in our rental concept discussed here, you own that car until you sell it away. The rental is equivalent to the difference of the initial price and the final price you sell the car away. For instance, when you buy a car for $100,000 and after 5 years, you sell it off at $50,000, the difference is $50,000. In other words, your rental per year is $10,000. Assuming you rent a car when you were traveling, what do you do with it? Yes, you maximize it. The same goes to the other things that you have bought and plan to sell later at a loss. Maximize the usage (without breaking it of course).

What about buying a better smart phone? Some call it investment. Really? Let’s do the analysis. Did you pay for it? Yes. Did you intend to sell it off at a higher or lower price? No. Then, the purchase of the smart phone is not related to investment and rental. However, if the phone helps a lot in your work or life, then it can be termed as an upgrade. Upgrade also gives us return on investment but not in a monetary form. The returns could come in the form of effort, time or comfort (quality). If the new phone allows you to reply to your mails without going back to the office, you could save time and effort. That’s a form of return but it is unrelated to money.

The above discussion has been made based on a single-minded intention. But in an actual environment, we may buy or invest in something for more than one intention. For example, we have a tradable property and at the same time, we also live in that property. Some rent out the property. So, how to treat your own unique scenario? My suggestion is to categorize your efforts into ‘cost-related’ and ‘revenue-related’.

Cost-related efforts help reduce your costs and because of that you can make a better margin. Revenue-related efforts on the other hand help increase the future selling and because of that, you make a better margin. So, if I rent out my property while waiting for the right time to sell it off, then my effort is cost-related because it helps me reduce the interests I need to pay to the bank. If I construct a swimming pool in my property, then it is revenue-related because I intend to fetch a higher price when I sell off.

Finally, there is one type of ‘investment’, which is truly not an investment but consumption. We buy it with the money we have, we don't intend to sell it and it does not fetch a decent price even if we try to sell it. All these things fall under ‘cost of doing business’ or some call it ‘necessary evil.’ These are things such as newspaper, petrol or entertainment that are necessary for the business or life but do not have a decent future value. So, if we buy a new phone to use because we like it, it is called consumption. Anyone telling himself or herself it’s an investment is merely camouflaging the guilt of shopping.

Let’s now summarize all these in my environment. I live in a semi-detached house that I have purchased using a bank loan and I intend to sell the house in next 7 years. Hhhhmmm….that’s trading. I bought a new car last year and I intend to sell it off in 5 years. Aaahhhh…that’s rental. I recently checked my shares in some mutual funds and the prices have gone up….that’s an investment. I plan to buy a new 60” TV this weekend, well…that will be an upgrade for comfort or may be it’s merely consumption!

What's stopping you?

When I do coaching with my clients, one of the very important factors that help accelerate the improvement is the ability to pinpoint the true underlying issue. Based on experience, the issue that is discussed at the beginning is usually not the real issue. The trap is, if we address the surface issue, the issue will not go away or in worse situations, it manifests itself in other forms of issues.

One of the effective technique I use for self improvement coaching is the CAWISHDA technique. The name sounds strange? It's an acronym made up of 4 words - can, will, should and dare.

When something cannot be done, most of us say 'I cannot do it'. On the surface, it appears like a skill problem. If it is a skill problem, then getting a teacher to teach will solve the problem. But why isn't that happening? Perhaps, it's more than just 'I cannot.'

When a person really cannot do something, it is skill-related and generally that can be resolved by learning and practicing. Even if you cannot reach your expectation, it's somewhere around there (partly because there are external factors that are out of your influence.

There are times that when we say we cannot, it could mean something else. Here are three possibilities:

I cannot = I will not (我不肯）
When it's about 'you will not', it means that you CAN do it but you don't WANT to do it in order to 'protect' some benefits that you are having now. For example, I will not join the gym because I don't want to lose my money if it turns out that I don't like it. So, I'm protecting my money from being wasted.

I cannot = I should not (我不该）
'Should' generally indicates that the action is violating certain rules or values that we have. In other words, we CAN do it but we don't think it's right to do it. For example, we can make a lot of money from helping others to raise fund. While that's legitimate and those who earn money out of it find that a 'win-win situation', others detest such acts. Hence, even if raising fund is something that they can do well, they will not do it as it violates their values.

I cannot = I dare not (我不敢）
There are times we know it is the right thing to do and logically we know we are able to do. But yet we don't do. It could be a case of confidence (state) or fear (emotion). Hence, it is more effective to focus on how to build confidence or manage the anxiety caused by fear. People who are afraid of height (vertigo) know the hanging bridge is safe. They also know that they are able to walk because walking on low grounds and walking a bridge is the same. And yet they don't because of the fear.

This is a short write up and we will not discuss how to handle value change or managing fear. However, the good news is that once we are able to bring the real issue to the table, your conscious mind can now see the actual problem and resolve it within your means.

So, each time when you hear someone says 'I cannot', always ask "you mean you cannot, you will not, you should not or you dare not?"

CAWISHDA!

What the Teacher could also mean

Perseverance

Among Asian values especially among the Chinese, perseverance is viewed as an important noble value. For those who subscribe or semi-subscribe to this value, it means one must work hard towards your dreams. If you fail, you try and try and still try until you make it regardless of the pain. Some go further: the more the pain the better because it means you are sincere and serious in achieving the set goals. Have you ever wondered in each of the Golden Horse awards for movies, most if not all winners will finish it with an important phrase "I will work harder!"

Alternative view:
Buddha questioned the meaning of life and why beings went through suffering. He renounced from his royal family in search of the truth. He followed many teachers but none gave him the the answers. He finally meditated under the Bodhi tree and eventually gained enlightenment.

For me, the Buddha had a vision. He wanted to know the root cause of suffering and intended to end it. He tried different strategies (different teachers) and each time it did not work, he changed his strategy but kept his vision.

Suggested conclusion:
Perseverance means keep chasing your dream and do not give up. Perseverance does not mean keep to one strategy and keep doing until it works. So, fix your dream but change your strategies.

Impermanence

The moment we ask for examples about impermanence, generally most of us will refer to sickness, death, suffering and other elements that are negative. Some go to the extent to explain why life is full of  suffering.

Alternative view:
It's only half the truth. Impermanence technically means something will not stay the same forever and will subject to change when the factors change. Hence, it is true that good things may become bad and it also means that bad things may become good. So, change can be two-way. When a person is sick and after that recovers, that's impermanence. When you get an increment in salary, that's a change from lower to higher salary and is also impermanence. When your kid grows taller, that is also a change i.e. impermanence.

Suggested conclusion:
Should we include change, improvement, recovery, growth and wisdom as new meanings of impermanence?

1st Noble Truth: Life is suffering

I have heard this truth many times. When there is 'first', it suggests that there is more than one. So what about the other truths? For those who only stay at the 1st noble truth, they will propagate the situation and in my view, have created more negativity than improving the situation.

Alternative view:
There are 4 noble truths:
1. Life is suffering
2. Craving is the root cause of suffering
3. If we can remove craving, we remove suffering
4. There is a way to  remove it and it's called the Noble 8-fold path

There are 3 truths that are ignored when anyone mentions the 1st noble truth. 'Life is suffering' is just a way to state the current situation. So, for those who only propagate this truth, you are reporting the truth  in a different context. Please remember to complete the other 3 truths for complete 'reporting'.

Suggested conclusion:
Hey! Whatever life situation you are in, don't worry. It happens to everyone from time to time. The good news is there is way out and let me share with you the Noble 8-Fold Path.

How different is difference?

Most of us, including myself, analyze things by spotting the differences; long versus short, large versus small or red versus blue. This works well most of the time especially when things are concerned. When it comes to people, it gets more difficult as I start to relate the difference to my values and make judgement accordingly.

What I have learnt to accept differences nowadays is not about trying to rationalize the differences. Logically, it makes sense and things should work easily. However, the fact of the matter is that my unconscious mind (UM) is objecting the decision to fully embracing the logic and the difference. Why?

I notice the UM works like our blood. The moment there is a 'foreign' matter detected in the body, an automatic mechanism is activated to reject the matter and start attacking it, sometimes to the point of over-reacting or better known as allergy. I notice UM is the same. It can still overreact although we consciously reason with it and the reasons seem substantial. It just rejects.

So, instead of trying to reconcile the difference, I now apply a different strategy. I reconcile using the similarities. In other words, it's not a foreign matter but a very similar matter like my own type, only that  it varies to a small extent. Surprisingly, the acceptance is much higher instantly. Yup! I found my own  vaccine!

So, here is the concoction for the vaccine :

When we identify 2 things being different, they are not truly different. In fact, they are the same except for some part (or sub modalities) of the matter vary to some degrees. Take for instance an angry man. How different is he from a cool guy? The angry guy is the same as the cool guy except for the following:

- intensity : he has more irritation than the cool guy 

- frequency : he is angry more often that the cool guy

- range : the angry guy could go up to throwing things around while the cool guy merely talks louder
- sequence : the angry guy flares first then think while the cool guy think first before flaring

For me, I find it easier to accept the difference and over and above that, I know in which areas the person should work on. 

Let's take another example: procrastination

- intensity: that guy can procrastinate for 2 weeks while mine is only 2 days

- frequency: that guy does it every day while I do it some of the days

- range: that guy procrastinates on all matters while I only do it for major matters
- sequence: that guy will do after procrastinating while I just do without the earlier step

Hey, aren't we both the same, we both get the work done??!!

Are we all actors?

From time to time, I will come across actors or actresses who are so committed in playing their roles that once they have accepted the role for a movie, they start preparing for the role as early as 12 months before the shoot. More impressive is their ability to gain weight or slim down according to the needs of the role they have decided, and better still, they can get back to their normal weight. Of course, these professional actors are disciplined to do whatever necessary to get into 'shape'.  They also have professional advisers or trainers to help them.

However, besides all these external help plus their own discipline, there is another motivating force. They are so engrossed with the role they will act that they 'become' the person they believe they are. They believe they are that person in the movie and that give them the motivation to move towards the shape they want to. There is a shift in their identity. By that change, we are consciously motivated or even unconsciously driven to do what it takes to get what we want. That is the power of identity. When we assume a certain identity, we are ready to accept certain actions or decisions as though it is part of 'us'.

We are not actors and we don't have a role to play in some mega movies. But does that mean we are not assuming a certain role or character in our daily life? You may have come across a smoker who immediately stops smoking when she knows she is pregnant, almost instantly. How can she do it? The mind and body just automatically reject smoking as it does not augur with their new ID as a caring mother. The same goes for a person who still drags himself to give a training despite he is very ill. He believes that he is a professional and he just cannot let 200 participants sitting in a hall staring at a empty stage without the speaker. It is against his ID and he will do whatever it takes to make sure he is there. For some strange reasons, he seems to be able to draw his energy from thin air.

So, we do assume a certain identity in our mind and we are motivated by it and we 'act' towards it. This ID is usually reflected as our values too. That explains why sometimes it is so easy for us to accept certain changes and some changes make us so uneasy and sleepless at night. So, do you know who you are acting as? Start with what you treasure most, what you like most and what you hate most. All these new details will give you an idea or some ideas of who you are acting as.

So, Shakespeare was right - "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players"

Close Encounter With the 3rd Kind

The world of spirits has always intrigued me, not because that I have anything to do with it but more because there are so many theories from west to east and not many of my questions are answered. The questions I have are most likely the same questions that you may have. So, rather than reading reports, watch movies and documentaries,why not I just go direct: Talk to someone who can see the spirit realm and get my very own first-hand information.

Here are the questions with my answers and analyses after talking to a key 'witness':

Q: Do they come only at night?
A: No. They appear in broad day light as well. So, day, night, rain or shine, they can be there.

Q: How do they look like?
A: Most of the time, it is merely a shadowy blurry thing. If you have watched The Eye 2, the early scene of  shadowy blurry figures surrounding a pregnant woman is close to the description. Interestingly, for baby ghosts (鬼仔 or toyol), they appear in a baby shape. There are generally 3 types: black, white and red. I think black and white are more because of the background just like dust on a black car appears grey and appears black on a white car. For red, that's seen as high energy or dangerous ones.

Q: Do they wear clothes?
A : It is blurry and so we don't really see what they wear. However, based on witness' account, he encountered a well dressed couple spirits who speak good English. It is still hard to say whether they should be categorized under spirits or angels.

Q: Do they appear more during Hungry Ghost period?
A: Nah. There is no special season.

Q: Can they appear anywhere?
A: Yes, they appear in houses, hotels, highways and also in holy places. Churches and temples have equal sightings of spirits (unless we don't categorize those as spirits). Jungles are full of them.

Q: What areas around Bandar Utama are considered hot areas?
A: Road between KBU and Kota Damansara appears to be high. The other one is the tunnel on LDP near KDU. Bukit Kiara is also worth mentioning.

Q: Why people who can say usually don't want to communicate with them?
A: Once the spirits know a person can see them, usually they will follow closely and try to communicate through these people. Even when these gifted people pretend they cannot see, the spirits will still do funny things to verify. They may suddenly appear in front of these people just to check if these people can see.

Q: Can they be reflected on a mirror?
A: Yes, they do cast an image on the mirror and they can sit in cars too.

Q: Can amulets or religious items ward off the spirits?
A: According to witness' account, they just flow pass as and when they like.

Q: Can they get into the physical world such as physical contact?

A: According to key witness' account, a person can feel their touching. There are also accounts of them reversing the orientation of the magnets (i.e. north to south pole), sounds of coins dropping between the ceiling and roof and gush of wind.

Q: What are the signs that a spirit is in the surrounding?
A: One sure sign is when the lights flicker.



Note: Spirits is a very subjective matter and I leave it to you to judge.  

Between you and you

There is this game where I usually play while waiting for dinner when I am in a company outing. Since the food served is usually Chinese dishes, we usually sit in a round table. That sitting arrangement gives me a good chance to start asking 'sensitive questions'. The questions asked are nothing more than hypothetical questions and I always love to watch the expression my colleagues wear on their face.

Although I keep reminding everyone that the questions are hypothetical, I can still see the big struggle on the face of the 'victim'. This goes to show one important thing: Our mind cannot differentiate between real and unreal. And because of that, we dare not make some decisions in fear that it will be a wrong decision despite it is hypothetical.

May be because of this, a lot of people I know dare not make decisions that affect their lives. Decisions such as when to retire, who to marry, what job to pursue or what passion to follow are often left open..sometimes forever open.

Since our unconscious cannot differentiate between facts and fiction, then it is hard to convince it to differentiate which is which. So, does it mean the situation is hopeless? Relax....there is hope. If you believe fire can fight fire, then we can also make fiction as part of facts or better still facts as part of fiction.

Sorry if I sound complicated. Actually I am haha....

Here is what we can do. Since the unconscious mind cannot tell the difference between fiction and reality, why not we now empower of mind hypothetically? Why not we tell our mind we have superpower and that our power will help us decide whatever we want and it is always right. This little additional info is truly minor to us, but to the unconscious mind it is true and it is BIG. With that new empowerment, we will be able to make better decisions.

We need to know that when we are deciding in our mind and we have not taken any action or inform anyone, it is really really between you and YOU. Since it is a mere private thought, we can always decide it and then review later.

Now, when we give superpower to our unconscious mind and when we know we can review it anytime we want it, these 2 new conditions that we acquire will give us all the resources we need to DECIDE. Too simple? It is really that simple actually.

Now, regarding the game that I used to play by asking sensitive questions, here is a question for you: If your spouse has an ex before marriage, would hope it is your best friend? Before you cringe, remember these 2 techniques: Empower yourself that you are a supercool person and then remember the decision is between you and....YOU! Decide with your superpower and then review later.

To Compete or To Complete?

Once, I went to a seminar in a large hall and there were probably about a thousand guests. Then the speaker started to play game and give away one grand prize only. In the 1st round, there were about 500 people that participated. I was one of them. By the 3rd round, there were about 20 people left and by the 5th, we had a winner.

The speaker asked the audience a very simple but scary question: "How many of you actually have the real intention to win the grand prize?" I looked a round and realized that there were actually not more than 20 people out of a THOUSAND!!

So, when I saw a thousand people, I actually spoke to myself "Aaah! There are a thousand people and do I really stand a chance?" So, I actually participated for the sake of participating. If I would have known that actually there were actually only 20 people who were serious, then I would have played more seriously.

That experience gave me a very important lesson. I don't see competitors as to how many there ARE, but how many are SERIOUS about winning. So, in my training business, there are many players. They filled up almost the large hall that I went for the seminar. But in my mind, I asked myself how many really want to win and win big, from their eyes, I could probably see about 20. Well, 20 for the whole country provides ample opportunities for all of us.

Are you in your line of business just to compete or you truly are determined to complete the race and win? I do hear about all the reasons how their competitors have bigger budget, better people, better network and more experience. My question to you remains: "What do you want to do about it?" Some choose to withdraw -good,, at least there is a closure to the issue and you focus your energy somewhere else where you have the leverage. Some choose to put their best foot forward - for those, I congratulate you. Some choose to keep complaining - I'm sorry for you because you will be despised, tortured, deprived, depressed, disappointed and finally beaten and exit the market. There are MANY reasons why we can lose. I'm waiting for that ONE reason why you can win.

Change Your Rules, Change Your Resuts

Imagine you are playing soccer and it's ok to use your hands. Will that not change the entire dynamics of soccer? Imagine we earn credits to buy things we want through good behavior and not through working for money? Will the world change?


Well, while some things may take a long long time to change, there are certain things that we can change very much in this life time itself. It's called self change. There is an ancient Chinese proverb that says 'it is easier to change a mountain than to change one's character.' Personally, I don't think so. I believe we can change if we WANT to change.


For things to improve, the key is really not the change but more of what the change represents. The change is easy. The effort slightly more difficult. But the resistance to change gets really difficult. The intention to resist change is good so that we maintain consistency. Otherwise, we may becomes schizophrenic all the time. Hence, resistance is the way to maintain our personality and identity and perhaps...our sanity.


However, this natural resistance to change sometimes becomes overdue. It is still 'holding true' to a set of assumptions that was true in the past. But the situation has changed but our unconscious mind is not aware of or refuse to accept (largely because there is no strong evidence). The good news is that if we can 'rationalize' with our unconscious mind, we are able to deactivate this resistance for some 'system upgrade' to happen. Once completed, then we will see a new behavior very much like the inception of a new idea in the mind (like the movie 'Inception').


To rationalize with the unconscious, it does not mean we speak logically with it. It would have worked long time ago if it could. We need to 'rationalize' the emotional aspects that the resistance is trying to protect. Ask ourselves, what happen if we change? Leave the logical effects aside, and focus on the emotional aspects. Does some form of fear come out? Does it cause anger? All these emotional hijacks are indicators that we have hit a right chord. Ask yourself for what reasons you have such emotions? After a few questions, you usually arrive at some root emotions that the resistance is trying to protect.


Usually, these are 3 types of 'key witnesses' that Resistance try to protect and how you can loosen it:


1) complex equivalent - by changing X, it means Y. e.g. changing my clothes means I am weak. Hint: ask yourself "how do you know?"; "has there been a situation where you have changed and you become more in control?"


2) identity crisis - i.e. by changing something, you are not yourself anymore. "If I change, I will be like that neighbor I hate so much". Hint: ask yourself "besides your neighbor, are there others you like who also do it and truly benefit from the change?" "would you be able to do it but with a bit of extra conditions?"


3) attachment - e.g. by changing, that means you have to let go something else. "If I change, I will need to let go the desire to achieve my dream too" It may not be true, but that is how our unconscious mind works though. Hint: ask yourself "Are there other ways to continue preserving that feeling besides current method?" "What if you can change and at the same time preserving the feeling?"


Change is not by chance. It is largely about changing our rules in our minds. If you can change the rule, you can then change the results. Imagine you have a rule in your own soccer game where the rest can only use their legs but you can use both legs and hands? But then again, some will not even dare to imagine that because the resistance is trying to protect you from 'unfairness'. Which category will that be? Yes, it can be no.1 or no.2 and may be no.3 too!

2 x 5 does not equal to 10

I have conducted various trainings and just like any other trainers, I ask questions to understand my audience better. One of the frequent questions is the years of experience in the participants' profession. It has happened to me so often that moving forward, I have decided not to take the participants' years of experience as answers but merely suggestions to be further verified. That's because most of the time, the years of working does not commensurate with the participants' level of understanding in their profession. For example, a guy may say he has worked in his industry for 10 years. After a few questions and also some role play, I realize that the person's experience is actually around 5 and not 10 years. I started to realize that the person actually has 5 years of experience but repeated twice (5 x 2). That's why his experience is only 5 years. If the person does not continue to improve himself, he will be 5 years x 3 in the next 5 years. So, when you say you have worked in your industry for 15 years, what do you actually mean? Is it 15 years where each year you improve yourself? Or 5 years x 3 which means you stop learning after the 5th year and you just repeat what you have learnt for year 6 to year 15? The key take-out: if you stop learning, your years of experience stops too. Happy learning!

To do or not to do?

There are many times that we ponder on our challenges and after many moments of pondering, we are still pondering. It could be our next job, our next trip or even in minor things like our next watch to buy. The question is not deciding which one to buy but a step earlier than that. It is about should we start deciding.This 'limbo' creates a very common situation across the people I know. It lands us into the land of 'inaction'. Things just.......stop.

With some serious thinking made on this subject based on my personal encounter recently, I realize that this inaction stems out from uncertainty. When the outcome is uncertain, we will therefore unable to decide or take action. For example, there are times that your alarm clock is working but once a while it doesn't. Do you change your alarm clock? Most likely we don't because it is 'once in a blue moon'. Because of that, we continue to 'suffer' from the uncertainty which is big enough to complain but too small to take any action. And the outcome? Still like that lor...Inaction.

There will continue be situations where the outcome can be uncertain. Rather than 'suffer', why not we take a stand? We make an assumption i.e. that the situation will DEFINITELY turn into a specific outcome. When the situation becomes certain, we will then naturally take action. If there is such a word, we should 'CERTAINTIZE' it.

Simply, make things happen by deciding what will happen in a limbo. Once we have that certainty, we will move things.

Don't 'justify' your life

Recently, I have conducted quite a few trainings for Sales that are generally made up of sales reps and promoters. I notice that some of the participants do not view themselves as important player in their organization. Later, I also noted that many also do not view themselves as 'important figures' in their personal life.

If that guy is a father, how would such thoughts impact his family? How would the kids see him? If that guy is a son, how would the parents take it after all the sacrifices they make to bring him up? The questions continue....

One common word that strikes across all the comments I receive from this group is this extremely vulgar word that kills all opportunities and make the owner rots slowly but surely. The word is 'JUST'.

What they keep doing is to insert this cancerous word in all their life statements. Instead of saying 'I am an employee of my company', they prefer to say 'I am just an employee of this company'. Here is a list of claims I'm sure you have heard before (even we have uttered it sometimes):

I am just a manager here. How can I change anything?
I am just a fresh graduate. How I can add any values?
I am just a father. You expect me to work like a Superman?
I am just a temporary worker. Why should I meddle?
I am just a housewife. What big things can I do?

What they have done is justifying their inaction by adding the word 'just'. In an interesting way, I prefer to call it 'justifying their identities' i.e. the act of adding the word 'just' in their life.

Because of this 'justification', they will continue to drag themselves, happily justifying their lack of actions but unhappily feeling the pain of the injustice in life....far from realizing that they were part of this vicious cycle themselves.

So, dear readers, do not justify your life. You are bigger than what you think and you can be a Show Stopper (that means you are so important that disasters can happen if you are not there).

So, don't JUST BE but be ALL you can BE!

Self sabotage is self defense

After doing my own training for close to 2 years now, I notice among my participants, friends and relatives, there are many who are good at being bad. Strange? Not really when I explain further. Have you spoken to someone who is in trouble and tell you how down he is. However, when you start giving suggestions, suddenly he transforms into a super energetic guy to tell you why he can't change or act on his problem. Suddenly, he is motivated to convince you that he is NOT motivated. Still sounds strange? I call this act Self sabotage. It is aplenty. If only this guy can use the motivation for a better objective, things will be really different. Then, the next question is 'why not he does that?'

I believe the root causes are lack of self confidence and fear. When a person lacks confidence, he does not only sees his weaknesses and not his strengths, he also wants to tell the whole world his weaknesses. When you ask someone who has fear in presenting, they will tell you all the weaknesses they have 'confidently'. Hence, telling the world his weaknesses seems to be his way of boosting confidence (although it makes things worse at the end of the day).

For those who have fear, not knowing is the biggest fear of all. Between a fear of something and a fear of nothing, fear of nothing is definitely more scary because it can mean ANYTHING. Logically, it makes sense too. Which one will you choose: a fixed problem or an ever changing problem?

If we look at both the factors, the reactions we see are generally how a person is trying to defend himself. His defense techniques may not be effective, but that is what he knows until now.

How can we help them? Give them a metaphor. A good example will be if a guy normally lets the girlfriend get into a taxi before he goes in thinking that it is his way of protecting others, what happen if the taxi speeds off before he gets in? Wouldn't that jeopardize his gf? This metaphor will help us convince the person that he has a need to defend and protect but at the same time, he needs to know better methods. This will open up the person more and at the same time allowing them to hold to their mode of 'protecting themselves.

So for a person who has trouble presenting, would it be easier and more effective to ask :
'Do you want to learn how to present well?' versus
'Do you want to know more how to protect yourself better when you give a presentation?'

Second question will have better alignment. More importantly, it will not trigger off the person's defense mechanism of convincing you that he or she cannot do it.

Self sabo to self defense to self realization to self motivation.

The King and the Prime Minister

There was once a king (unconscious mind) who always meant well for his people. However, he was gullible and take messages as they were. To protect him, the Prime Minister (conscious mind) was usually very cautious about external influence to ensure that the King was not badly influenced.

Both of them worked together to manage the country and both meant well for the people. However, the relationship between them was strange because the king was speech-impaired and as a result sometimes the Prime Minister (PM) could not figure out very clearly what the King meant. To make matters worse, the king also had some hearing problems at times and so could not catch what the PM wanted to tell him.

The king sometimes went to the city to learn more about the condition of his people. From his trips, he gained different experiences and because his bodyguards also could not clearly understood his questions, they would sometimes gave wrong answers. The King being the gullible type, took the answers as they were without questioning them. When he went back to the palace, he would write new decrees and had the PM implement them. The PM knows some of those decrees were not the best for the people but being the PM, he could only advice the king.

One day, the PM shared his challenge with a wise man and the wise man came out with a brilliant idea. As both of them could not communicate well with each other, he advised the PM to jot down all his words and actions and create a dictionary out of it. From then on, the PM could then use the king's 'language' to communicate effectively with the king. Ever since, the ideas and implementation went well each time and the country and its people live happily. They have developed a new communication method and today we call this method NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming).

The Cast:
King - the Unconscious Mind
PM - the Conscious Mind
Country - our body
People - the people around us

Director's comment:
Our unconsious mind is very gullible and believe every experience that it goes through. From those experience, it starts to create different behaviour that meant well but not always the best behavior. Because of this, the conscious mind always try to protect the unconscious from negative external influence. The tricky part is the conscious mind is also moulded by the unconscious. So, even when the conscious mind has a good intention, but the behaviour exhibited can be totally opposite and it could make us feel helpless of 'why we do what we do.' The new communication method in this story is NLP where we learn the different language to talk to our unconscious and with better rapport and communication, we are now able to work with our unconscious mind to create behaviors that are congruent with each other.

Without time, everything is nothing

In advertising, the works are divided to 2 main components. One is creative which creates the nice, beautiful and inspiring artwork. The other, called media, is the one putting the artwork in the correct media like magazines or newspaper to reach targeted consumers.

Well, that's advertising. I also notice the similarity in life. We can have a lot of great ideas, even a lot of courage to execute some crazy ideas that we believe can save the world. However, all these great ideas and big beliefs are just like the advertising artwork. If they are not shown, it is merely good in-house materials. All equal to nothing if we do not have the time to execute them. They become good ideas...and period. They will not turn into reality. It's just great 'in-brain' materials.

Hence, having the time to execute our ideas is one damn important job. How can we find time? one may asked. Look around us, look at the amount of time wasters we engage ourselves in. How much time was spent in talking over the phone, checking senseless emails, reading gossips that has totally nothing to do with us, spending the dreamy time in the toilet, applying the i-guess-may-work cream on the face and other treatments, making unnecessary decision on a shirt or blouse which is just a t-shirt to be worn as pyjamas....

Got the idea? Time aplenty my dear!

Cause and Effect

'Cause and effect' is quite a universal understanding and can be found in many religions as well. For example, 'reap what you sow' and 'kamma' are commonly used in our daily conversations. What I intend to highlight here today is the concept of 'kamma' and its importance in this life, not the next nor the previous but THIS life.

I noticed that among Buddhists, each time when the subject of kamma appears, somehow the discussion links to past lives and future lives. While I subscribe to this concept too, but hey, wait a minute, don't causes happen in this life and effects received in this life? To me, it must and it will. I intend to discuss this today because otherhwise, the discussion of kamma becomes 'philosophical' as it talks about past and future lives and such discussions may create an impression that focusing on good kamma is for the next life and implies that it doesn't help them NOW.

The law of cause and effect simply means that what you have done has an effect to yourself. The effect may come immediately or later depending on the conditions for it to happen. When I say 'later', it could mean 5 minutes later, 1 year later or 50 years later, all depending on the conditions for the cause to take effect. More importantly, kamma doesn't necessarily mean 'good' or 'evil' outcomes. It is merely outcomes due to the actions (causes)taken earlier.

If you think I am trying to make the concept 'kamma' as mundane as possible, yes, you are right. The intention is to take out the 'hocus pocus' and 'mysticism' out of it so that we can see its working in everyday life.

Here are some examples:
If you leave your cup in the basin after drinking some sweet beverage, you will likely see ants on the cup by the evening.
If you drive more than the speed limit, you will get a speeding ticket.
If you give your boss a tight slap, you will get a warning letter.

See, kamma can be as mundane as the above examples. It is merely about 'what you do has an effect on you' when the conditions are right for the effect to manifest.

Now, in Chinese, kamma is called 因果（cause and effect). But actually an important word is missing which is 缘。缘 simply means conditions. So, 'cause and effect' should actually be written as cause-condition-effect (因缘果）.

So for the mundane examples I have given earlier, if the cup is immersed in water at the basin, the ants will not visit because the condition for them to reach the cup is missing. If the driver speeds in an area where there is no speed trap, he will not get a ticket. If you apologize immediately to your boss after slapping him, you may not get a warning letter. All these extra steps are actions that create conditions.

So, the way forward for all sinners, good Samaritans, potential saints is the same. Regardless of what you have done, your choice and only choice to improve is to do good. The effects of the good deeds will create either good effect or create the good conditions so that the past bad actions will not take effect.

By the way, the positive conditions are also partly created by our actions. They are the effects of our actions. In other words, conditions are themselves efffects!

Juggling elephants

I read a book with the title 'Juggling elephants' recently. It was a book about how to organize our lives better. As usual, good advice usually comes in few words and advice with many words is usually not good. It is a little thin book with big fonts and one can finish it in less than 2 days at most. So much for the description and let me move to the insights I gained.

The first lesson is that juggling elephants is really no fun i.e. we struggle in our lives trying to balance so many things. At the end of the day, we are not sure if we are managing our lives or our lives managing us.

Our lives can be likened to a circus with 3 rings showing different performances.Each ring represents either 'work', 'relationship' and 'self'.

In these 3 rings, the most important thing is not the acts in the rings. It is the ringmaster i.e ourselves. The Ringmaster has the greatest impact to the performance. Why so? Because the ringmaster's job is more than just introducing the coming acts. He is also the person who manages what shows to add in and which shows to start first.

During showtime, the ringmaster can only introduce one performance in one of the rings at one time. Hence, the ringmaster cannot be in all 3 rings at once. Sounds familiar? How many times we are in a holiday and we think about work and while working, we think about family? Remember that we can only be one ring at one time.

Even though there is a perfect line-up of acts for each ring, the ringmaster always reviews the next event before bringing into the ring. Just because we have planned something, that doesn't mean we must execute it if it is not ready. So, if we have 4 things we plan to do and one needs some feedback from another party, we must decide not to do it because it will not be complete and will waste our time.

Then, naturally someone may ask if that's the case then we will be short of doing something. Remember that the key to success in the circus is to have quality acts in ALL 3 rings i.e. it is always the OVERALL performance that determine our success and not an individual activity.

So at all times, we must ask ourselves 'which ring should I be at this moment?' and 'what acts should I be focusing on right now?'

When we plan the acts in one of the rings, list the acts and look for new acts that can be brought into a particular ring. However, do caution that there is no shortage of acts in a circus. So, do not try to put too many acts into the rings just because they are good. Remember it is the quality of acts that determines the success, not the individual acts.


Every act must serve a purpose and hence not all acts belong in our circus even if some are good. Sometimes when we plan our things, we do have a lot of acts that answer to the same purpose. We need to make sure whether these acts are necessary. We don't have to be in SPCA and PAWS on the same day.

In the list of acts we have made, line up the acts based on what will create an effective performance. Again, it is not the individual acts that determine the success.

When we line up our acts for 3 rings, it is important to schedule major acts in each ring at different times to maintain efficiency and effectiveness. We need to space out the things we like to do so that we don't stumble under our own ambitions. At the end of it, we may not enjoy at all.

If we have to deal with people in our rings,

- remember that the relationship between the ringmaster and the performers affects the success of the circus;

- and so, every team member is important and has to be fully engaged to make the act successful;

- consistently offer positive reinforcement for good behaviour and constructive feedback for negative behaviour;

- people have needs way beyond the obvious ones;

- people sometimes need to relax and not take themselves too seriously.

A circus always has intermission. It is a time for the audience to relax and stretch themselves. But intermission is also a crucial part of creating a better performance. Hence, we still need to take a break (intermission) from our circus and during this time, we ask ourselves the question "what have we done to improve our performance in one or more of the rings?"

Finally, always remember that 'our circus is only as good as the next performance'. Whatever we have done well is in the past. If we want to be good, we must be good in the next act.

If life is a circus, then make sure we are the best ringmaster!