There are times that we don’t enjoy certain conversations, not because the subject is uninteresting but because my chat member challenges me too much. Naturally, we enjoy conversations where at the end it, we manage to impress our viewpoint and feel more right after that. But on the hind sight, such ‘successful conversation’ doesn’t make us better. We gain more confidence no doubt, but we don’t expand our horizon.
On the contrary, when we are challenged by our friends, when they challenge the very sacred truth we hold, it is actually a true test of our conviction.
If we are thinking of how to improve ourselves, this is it. In such a situation, we need to use up all that we know, all that we understand to defend our position. Through it all, we either reinforce our belief or we expand our understanding. Whichever the case, we benefit although during the conversation, it is an agony.
If we take a step back, ask ourselves why are we so agitated when our belief is challenged or questioned. If we have so much conviction, what can change that belief and hence why the agitation when we are questioned? In my opinion, it's because of the fear of the unknown. "What happens if he is right?", "How can I be wrong when I experienced it myself?" Simply put, we are worried subconsciously that if this sacred cow is shattered, then we may be lost or we may need to re-engineer the truth from the scratch. We will have sleepless nights, we will try to salvage that past truth, we will...naturally, the mind will say 'defend yourself from the challenge', 'avoid this trouble-maker'...
Do you have such friends that don’t hesitate to challenge you? Don’t sack all of them as they do play a role.
3 comments:
I have different view towards this. I never want to WIN come to conversation because i respect everyone has their own point of views and i think we have no right to judge what's right or wrong. Like you said the COE, you never know which COE they are using and we may not understand as much as themselves why they said so.
Eventually, i think it's our EGO to argue and WIN over the conversation, but somehow it never get us far and would not change our action, right?
Argument usually sparks from one's attachment to our truths. Reason to argue is not so much to win over the conversation but that if one loses, it means what one holds true is 'shaky'. Hence, the big fight to make sure one wins.
So, debating over an issue is a norm but I like to caution ourselves that when we debate over a subject that touches on our 'sacred truth', we need to understand that if we convince others, it's a test that the truth we hold true is still true. butt if we are not able to convince or so call 'loses the argument', we need to be open-minded enough to examine the truth again.
Kua
Agree then, sounds reasonable. Enjoy sharing with you, Kua. Keep up the good work, take good care in life.
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