Thus have i learnt...

Self sabotage is self defense

2011-12-18T09:32:00.003+08:00

After doing my own training for close to 2 years now, I notice among my participants, friends and relatives, there are many who are good at being bad. Strange? Not really when I explain further. Have you spoken to someone who is in trouble and tell you how down he is. However, when you start giving suggestions, suddenly he transforms into a super energetic guy to tell you why he can't change or act on his problem. Suddenly, he is motivated to convince you that he is NOT motivated. Still sounds strange? I call this act Self sabotage. It is aplenty. If only this guy can use the motivation for a better objective, things will be really different. Then, the next question is 'why not he does that?'

I believe the root causes are lack of self confidence and fear. When a person lacks confidence, he does not only sees his weaknesses and not his strengths, he also wants to tell the whole world his weaknesses. When you ask someone who has fear in presenting, they will tell you all the weaknesses they have 'confidently'. Hence, telling the world his weaknesses seems to be his way of boosting confidence (although it makes things worse at the end of the day).

For those who have fear, not knowing is the biggest fear of all. Between a fear of something and a fear of nothing, fear of nothing is definitely more scary because it can mean ANYTHING. Logically, it makes sense too. Which one will you choose: a fixed problem or an ever changing problem?

If we look at both the factors, the reactions we see are generally how a person is trying to defend himself. His defense techniques may not be effective, but that is what he knows until now.

How can we help them? Give them a metaphor. A good example will be if a guy normally lets the girlfriend get into a taxi before he goes in thinking that it is his way of protecting others, what happen if the taxi speeds off before he gets in? Wouldn't that jeopardize his gf? This metaphor will help us convince the person that he has a need to defend and protect but at the same time, he needs to know better methods. This will open up the person more and at the same time allowing them to hold to their mode of 'protecting themselves.

So for a person who has trouble presenting, would it be easier and more effective to ask :
'Do you want to learn how to present well?' versus
'Do you want to know more how to protect yourself better when you give a presentation?'

Second question will have better alignment. More importantly, it will not trigger off the person's defense mechanism of convincing you that he or she cannot do it.

Self sabo to self defense to self realization to self motivation.

The King and the Prime Minister

2011-07-29T07:49:00.004+08:00

There was once a king (unconscious mind) who always meant well for his people. However, he was gullible and take messages as they were. To protect him, the Prime Minister (conscious mind) was usually very cautious about external influence to ensure that the King was not badly influenced.

Both of them worked together to manage the country and both meant well for the people. However, the relationship between them was strange because the king was speech-impaired and as a result sometimes the Prime Minister (PM) could not figure out very clearly what the King meant. To make matters worse, the king also had some hearing problems at times and so could not catch what the PM wanted to tell him.

The king sometimes went to the city to learn more about the condition of his people. From his trips, he gained different experiences and because his bodyguards also could not clearly understood his questions, they would sometimes gave wrong answers. The King being the gullible type, took the answers as they were without questioning them. When he went back to the palace, he would write new decrees and had the PM implement them. The PM knows some of those decrees were not the best for the people but being the PM, he could only advice the king.

One day, the PM shared his challenge with a wise man and the wise man came out with a brilliant idea. As both of them could not communicate well with each other, he advised the PM to jot down all his words and actions and create a dictionary out of it. From then on, the PM could then use the king's 'language' to communicate effectively with the king. Ever since, the ideas and implementation went well each time and the country and its people live happily. They have developed a new communication method and today we call this method NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming).

The Cast:
King - the Unconscious Mind
PM - the Conscious Mind
Country - our body
People - the people around us

Director's comment:
Our unconsious mind is very gullible and believe every experience that it goes through. From those experience, it starts to create different behaviour that meant well but not always the best behavior. Because of this, the conscious mind always try to protect the unconscious from negative external influence. The tricky part is the conscious mind is also moulded by the unconscious. So, even when the conscious mind has a good intention, but the behaviour exhibited can be totally opposite and it could make us feel helpless of 'why we do what we do.' The new communication method in this story is NLP where we learn the different language to talk to our unconscious and with better rapport and communication, we are now able to work with our unconscious mind to create behaviors that are congruent with each other.

Without time, everything is nothing

2011-06-25T11:14:00.004+08:00

In advertising, the works are divided to 2 main components. One is creative which creates the nice, beautiful and inspiring artwork. The other, called media, is the one putting the artwork in the correct media like magazines or newspaper to reach targeted consumers.

Well, that's advertising. I also notice the similarity in life. We can have a lot of great ideas, even a lot of courage to execute some crazy ideas that we believe can save the world. However, all these great ideas and big beliefs are just like the advertising artwork. If they are not shown, it is merely good in-house materials. All equal to nothing if we do not have the time to execute them. They become good ideas...and period. They will not turn into reality. It's just great 'in-brain' materials.

Hence, having the time to execute our ideas is one damn important job. How can we find time? one may asked. Look around us, look at the amount of time wasters we engage ourselves in. How much time was spent in talking over the phone, checking senseless emails, reading gossips that has totally nothing to do with us, spending the dreamy time in the toilet, applying the i-guess-may-work cream on the face and other treatments, making unnecessary decision on a shirt or blouse which is just a t-shirt to be worn as pyjamas....

Got the idea? Time aplenty my dear!

Cause and Effect

2011-04-27T08:14:00.003+08:00

'Cause and effect' is quite a universal understanding and can be found in many religions as well. For example, 'reap what you sow' and 'kamma' are commonly used in our daily conversations. What I intend to highlight here today is the concept of 'kamma' and its importance in this life, not the next nor the previous but THIS life.

I noticed that among Buddhists, each time when the subject of kamma appears, somehow the discussion links to past lives and future lives. While I subscribe to this concept too, but hey, wait a minute, don't causes happen in this life and effects received in this life? To me, it must and it will. I intend to discuss this today because otherhwise, the discussion of kamma becomes 'philosophical' as it talks about past and future lives and such discussions may create an impression that focusing on good kamma is for the next life and implies that it doesn't help them NOW.

The law of cause and effect simply means that what you have done has an effect to yourself. The effect may come immediately or later depending on the conditions for it to happen. When I say 'later', it could mean 5 minutes later, 1 year later or 50 years later, all depending on the conditions for the cause to take effect. More importantly, kamma doesn't necessarily mean 'good' or 'evil' outcomes. It is merely outcomes due to the actions (causes)taken earlier.

If you think I am trying to make the concept 'kamma' as mundane as possible, yes, you are right. The intention is to take out the 'hocus pocus' and 'mysticism' out of it so that we can see its working in everyday life.

Here are some examples:
If you leave your cup in the basin after drinking some sweet beverage, you will likely see ants on the cup by the evening.
If you drive more than the speed limit, you will get a speeding ticket.
If you give your boss a tight slap, you will get a warning letter.

See, kamma can be as mundane as the above examples. It is merely about 'what you do has an effect on you' when the conditions are right for the effect to manifest.

Now, in Chinese, kamma is called 因果（cause and effect). But actually an important word is missing which is 缘。缘 simply means conditions. So, 'cause and effect' should actually be written as cause-condition-effect (因缘果）.

So for the mundane examples I have given earlier, if the cup is immersed in water at the basin, the ants will not visit because the condition for them to reach the cup is missing. If the driver speeds in an area where there is no speed trap, he will not get a ticket. If you apologize immediately to your boss after slapping him, you may not get a warning letter. All these extra steps are actions that create conditions.

So, the way forward for all sinners, good Samaritans, potential saints is the same. Regardless of what you have done, your choice and only choice to improve is to do good. The effects of the good deeds will create either good effect or create the good conditions so that the past bad actions will not take effect.

By the way, the positive conditions are also partly created by our actions. They are the effects of our actions. In other words, conditions are themselves efffects!

Juggling elephants

2011-03-09T23:11:00.003+08:00

I read a book with the title 'Juggling elephants' recently. It was a book about how to organize our lives better. As usual, good advice usually comes in few words and advice with many words is usually not good. It is a little thin book with big fonts and one can finish it in less than 2 days at most. So much for the description and let me move to the insights I gained.

The first lesson is that juggling elephants is really no fun i.e. we struggle in our lives trying to balance so many things. At the end of the day, we are not sure if we are managing our lives or our lives managing us.

Our lives can be likened to a circus with 3 rings showing different performances.Each ring represents either 'work', 'relationship' and 'self'.

In these 3 rings, the most important thing is not the acts in the rings. It is the ringmaster i.e ourselves. The Ringmaster has the greatest impact to the performance. Why so? Because the ringmaster's job is more than just introducing the coming acts. He is also the person who manages what shows to add in and which shows to start first.

During showtime, the ringmaster can only introduce one performance in one of the rings at one time. Hence, the ringmaster cannot be in all 3 rings at once. Sounds familiar? How many times we are in a holiday and we think about work and while working, we think about family? Remember that we can only be one ring at one time.

Even though there is a perfect line-up of acts for each ring, the ringmaster always reviews the next event before bringing into the ring. Just because we have planned something, that doesn't mean we must execute it if it is not ready. So, if we have 4 things we plan to do and one needs some feedback from another party, we must decide not to do it because it will not be complete and will waste our time.

Then, naturally someone may ask if that's the case then we will be short of doing something. Remember that the key to success in the circus is to have quality acts in ALL 3 rings i.e. it is always the OVERALL performance that determine our success and not an individual activity.

So at all times, we must ask ourselves 'which ring should I be at this moment?' and 'what acts should I be focusing on right now?'

When we plan the acts in one of the rings, list the acts and look for new acts that can be brought into a particular ring. However, do caution that there is no shortage of acts in a circus. So, do not try to put too many acts into the rings just because they are good. Remember it is the quality of acts that determines the success, not the individual acts.

Every act must serve a purpose and hence not all acts belong in our circus even if some are good. Sometimes when we plan our things, we do have a lot of acts that answer to the same purpose. We need to make sure whether these acts are necessary. We don't have to be in SPCA and PAWS on the same day.

In the list of acts we have made, line up the acts based on what will create an effective performance. Again, it is not the individual acts that determine the success.

When we line up our acts for 3 rings, it is important to schedule major acts in each ring at different times to maintain efficiency and effectiveness. We need to space out the things we like to do so that we don't stumble under our own ambitions. At the end of it, we may not enjoy at all.

If we have to deal with people in our rings,

- remember that the relationship between the ringmaster and the performers affects the success of the circus;

- and so, every team member is important and has to be fully engaged to make the act successful;

- consistently offer positive reinforcement for good behaviour and constructive feedback for negative behaviour;

- people have needs way beyond the obvious ones;

- people sometimes need to relax and not take themselves too seriously.

A circus always has intermission. It is a time for the audience to relax and stretch themselves. But intermission is also a crucial part of creating a better performance. Hence, we still need to take a break (intermission) from our circus and during this time, we ask ourselves the question "what have we done to improve our performance in one or more of the rings?"

Finally, always remember that 'our circus is only as good as the next performance'. Whatever we have done well is in the past. If we want to be good, we must be good in the next act.

If life is a circus, then make sure we are the best ringmaster!

'Try and fix' versus 'fix and try'

2011-02-18T10:26:00.004+08:00

The long 15 days of Chinese New Year was finally over or was it really that long? For adults, somehow their watches and clocks tick faster than the kids.

For those how think the 15 days passed very quickly, I'm sure there would be some things that you wished you have done, may be meeting up with some friends or doing the thing you have always wanted to do but never have the time.

I have some unfulfilled or un-executed wishes just like many. But I think the root cause for my inaction is not so much of poor planning or time really passes by that fast. For me, it is definitely a case of 'not sure when the right time is.' I plan to have an open house but then again not sure what the right date is. So for the past 15 days, I have been doing something I called 'try and fix' a date. With the 15 days over, I am still in the 'try and fix' mode. What I could have done differently? I could have done it the way the young people do their things - 'fix and try'!

'Fix and try' simply means you are not sure when the right time is but you fix an arbitrary date and inform others. Then from that moment on, you try to maneuver and orchestrate to try to make it happen. I think this is a better way for at least the date is IN the plan. It may not happen, but at least we tried. It may be disappointing to some, but at least if it does materialize, the rewards are worth it. It may give you some extra work, but at least your 15 days will be longer.

We all know for a fact: 'let's catch up some day' simply means 'the day will never come.' They know it and we know it.

So, if you ever have something you want to do and do not know when, why not fix a date on it and try. The chances are anytime better than you try and fix a date.fix, try

Thunderstorm in the mind

2011-02-10T07:47:00.005+08:00

To those who celebrate the Chinese New Year, hope you have good gains besides cholesterol and weight :)

Before I touch on this subject which I'm sure is still a mystery to you, allow me to share a real simple incident that happened to me leading into this important realization.

I have 2 tongue scrappers in my toilet, one with a pink tag and one with a blue tag. My son slept in my room and we shared the same bathroom. One day, my kid learnt to use the tongue scrapper and ever since, he has been using it. As a matter of hygiene, we don't share the scrappers. My son likes blue color and presumably he will use the tongue scrapper with the blue tag. In the morning, i usually wake up much earlier than the rest and usually do not switch on the lights in order not to wake the rest up. In that gloomy bathroom, I will try hard to identify the scrapper with the pink tag. Every morning I do that and then 1 day, I told myself 'just pick one and if it's the wrong one, so be it!' That day was a good day because I realized an important lesson. Here it is:

Many a time, we want to have only the good things to happen. What we do is that we try to prolong some good events for as long as possible. Even if we can, back in our mind, we are still worried that one day, this good blessing may end. At the same time, we think of ways to fight or avoid any bad incidents from happening. If we compare these good and bad things that occur upon us, it is just like the blue and pink tongue scrappers. However, IF we can accept both good and bad events, and accept that they will come one way or another, suddenly you will realize that you have new-found energy and new-found peace. The thunderstorm in your mind suddenly ceases and it becomes a peaceful and refreshing secret garden. Everything is clean, refreshing and cooling.

However, don't get me wrong. We should continue to put effort in making the good things longer and do not intentionally invite bad things to come. The main difference is that, we are NOT WORRIED about bad things happening or good things not being prolonged. In other words, we still maintain peace in the mind regardless of what may come next. Mentally, we accept both and our mind is focused on how to deal with it, rather than dealing with the fear of it.

Have you had a good holiday and back in your mind, you wonder what bad things may happen in the office when you get back to work? Have you had the satisfaction when your stocks in the share market are doing well but you have concerns that the price may go down tomorrow? If we can accept that the good news and the bad news will come, share prices will go up and down...thenn the thunderstorm in your brain will cease.

It's very subtle and sometimes we do not notice. Here is a list of examples and hopefully it will help you recognize the source of thunderstorm in your mind:

- joy of meeting and sorrow of departing
- anticipation of good news and bad news
- good and bad investment
- good rumours and bad rumours about oneself
- genuine donations and scams
- finding friends honest and dishonest
- your loved ones love you more in some times and but less in some other times

Make your mind a peaceful secret garden :)

Another year or another GREAT year?

2011-01-01T01:14:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year! Yes time flies and it is another year. Notice the word 'another'? That's what that will happen if we do not use it well...just another year! Many have attempted to make resolutions but even more have failed. What the heck? Who cares, right?

Well, we do not take resolution seriously because we do not see the rewards for doing well and punishment for failing the year. For those who are observant, they do not want 'just another year'. They want the year to be great and each year is not necessarily greater but great new things happen. So, for those who keep their dreams and resolutions, they gain their reward. If it is to be another year, it shall be another GREAT year. For the rest who drag their life along, it will ALWAYS be another year.

So much for the reward and punishment. But some think they cannot blame themselves because they just don't have the time for resolutions, for checking or even for thinking. If this is the case, I strongly suggest that we all start to think of all the time we have for facebook games, all the time we spend in phone calls and all the time we spend in traffic jams whether in a car or over public transport. Make a point that you WILL repossess 5 minutes from these 3 areas every day and you know what? You will have 91 hours in 2011 just to review your actions and resolutions towards another great year.

All the best!

The Facts about Fear

2010-10-26T18:10:00.004+08:00

When we want to do something, it is influenced by 'pull' as well as 'push' factors. Pull factors are those that motivate us to do it while push factors are those that force us to take certain actions (change the status quo) or inaction (remain status quo).

Well, I'm sure we have experienced something new and when we meet our friends or relatives, we want to share with them how great the experience was and how eager we wanted them to have that experience. But many a time, the listener responded with "well, I'm not sure if I can do that" especially the new experiences that involved some action or some adrenalin rush. All sorts of reasons were tabled but you tried every way to explain logically or factually why it was not a concern. After a long discussion, the verdict was 'inaction'.

I am one of those guys who have tried convincing and through experience find out that the FEAR of something (push factor) cannot be overcome by FACTS. You can bring a stack of stats to convince a guy that flying is not as dangerous as it seems, in fact is safer than driving...but who cares? Fear doesn't recognize facts. So, if you are still trying to use facts to convince someone to overcome his/her fear, I recommend you stop it and stop now because it just doesn't work! While you are explaining and demonstrating the facts, the listener (or non-listener) is thinking about the dangerous outcome from the action).

So, what do we do? It is better that we acknowledge the fear of the person and then look for ways to reduce it. If a person is scared of flying, tell them that their fear is valid but usually it applies to small planes. The larger planes are safer. In other words, do not dispel the myth of the fear but rather show how to handle the fear in different situations. Simply put, acknowledge and reduce makes more sense than dispelling the myth as far as the listener is concerned. The key is to make sense and unfortunately, logic and facts do not make sense when a person is in fear.

If we think we are brave and it doesn't apply to us, we do have fears. Are we not afraid of some investment plans to commit but the financial planner keeps blabbering with facts? Are we not worried about switching a job in fear of the unknown environment?

So acknowledge and alleviate. These are the facts that FEAR find factual. The rest of data? Later :)

We chase dreams - are we?

2010-09-03T18:24:00.005+08:00

I have spoken to a lot of people from all ages about their dreams. On the surface, all look perfect. Each one has something or some things that they want to achieve in their life such as travelling around the world, having a dream house, having a lot of cash...

But the true confusion pops out when I ask the question "What's your plan?" Most answers I hear are sometimes ironic, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes kiddish and sometimes out of whack! I do respect someone's right to chase their dreams in their own unique ways. But the common question remains : "By doing what we are doing, is it going to bring us closer to that dream?" Most of the time, the answer is NO. That's the issue.

I am not able to analyze everyone's dream and their plans. While saying so, I am able to introduce some techniques that can at least help us verify if our plans and our dreams are indeed aligned.

First, we need to understand what is actually required to achieve a specific dream of ours. For example, we want to be able to travel around the world. What do you actually need? To me, it is about money and health.

Next, we need to look at all the key activities that we are doing currently and identify those that we think can help us achieve that dream. List down all the ones that we think will be able to help us achieve that dream. Once you have that list, apply the '5 why's' (5Y) technique. For example, one may have identified learning French as an important step. Start the 5Y process:

Q1 : Why learning French can help achieve my dream?
A : I can communicate better with the locals
Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : ????

If you get stuck, that means that activity you plan most likely is not going to help you achieve that dream. It may help by adding value but it is NOT bringing us closer to that dream. However, if the dream is 'to live in France' for 1 year, then learning Frenck helps. You then continue with th 5Y.

Q2 : Why better communication with locals can help achieve my dream of travel around the world?
A : It helps me to become part of the society.
Q3 : Why becoming part of the society is important?
A : I will be able to live a fuller life but accepting the values of the French people.
Q4 : Why do we need to live a fuller life?
A : So that it will give me a unique experience that I will remember forever
Q5 : Why do you want to remember a unique experience forever?
A : If we look back at life, it is all about memories and the more unique experiences I have, the more quality life I have lived.

Of course, we can always continue to ask why. But generally, once we hit the fifth why, it gets down to the core reason and most likely that is really what you want.

Good luck, dream chasers!

We have our Codes of Ethics - but which set of codes?

2010-07-09T10:50:00.006+08:00

I have read a book by Richard Ludlum about spy stories and he mentioned a very good insight about common sense. "Common sense is not seen from our eyes, but from the other guy's eyes". What looks illogical to us makes perfect logical sense for the other guy. There are many reasons but one key point is our codes of ethics (COE).

Sometimes we can see a stingy man who is spends so little on food but is willing to spend lavishly on their kids. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their desperate younger brother. All these examples are common and most of them may look stupid and inconsistent from our eyes.

All the time, our minds function by receiving specific events, interprets some meanings out of it, categorizes which group that meaning belongs to and make a decision. It looks exactly like what the other illogical guy is doing. But if our mind can tap into the other guy's mind, we will see that one important step is missing and that is, after categorizing the meaning, the mind will pick the right codes of ethics BEFORE making a decision on the next step. Actually we do the same, only that we are not aware of it.

So, the key point is that everyone draws out codes of ethics (COE) that suit to the situation. That explains why some things may look inconsistent in our eyes but to the other guy, it makes perfect sense.

Let's review the examples I have stated above and which COE I think they are using:

1. A stingy man is willing to spend so little on food but spends lavishly on their kids is using "I work for my family, not for myself".

2. Some treat others including strangers much better than they treat their own family members because they are probably using 'customer service'to treat strangers hence the good treatment.

3. Some are willing to donate thousands of dollars for charity but refuse to lend money to their younger brother. They could be using "Charity brings me more good returns" but for lending money, unfortunately they use another COE called "guidelines on credit extension".

Make sense? If not it's understandable because you probably don't know which COE I'm using!

Art of War by Sun Zi (孙子)

2010-06-14T18:56:00.006+08:00

Recently, I have re-studied the art of war developed by Sun Zi thousand of years ago. I find new truths in the truths I have discovered earlier and am compelled to share it with you. As usual, the sharing doesn't make me lose anything but only a deeper understanding of what have been understood earlier.

I am not commenting on the whole 13 chapters but the important insights I have derived from these chapters. I have also included some Chinese text in its original form to make it more authentic and also for cross reference in case you want to read further by yourself.

1. Quantitative advantage. More is always stronger than less (故用兵之法，十則圍之，五則攻之，倍則分之，敵則能戰之，少則能逃之，不若則能避之。故小敵之堅，大敵之擒也) - in a war, the advantages of having more people in a war outweigh the opponent with fewer people.However, this quantitative advantage is only applicable during the battle engagement i.e. if you have 10 people and your opponent has 5, but you only send 2 while your opponent sends 5, it's your opponent that has the quantitative advantage and not you. Have you seen how a big size guy tears a telephone directory in a circus? Actually he is tearing the phonebook bit by bit and not all at once. By doing so, he has quantitative advantage over the phone book.

2.In any battles, it is not advisable to drag the duration of the battle (故兵貴勝，不貴久) - waging a war takes a lot of resources. So, if it drags, your quantitative advantage will be affected.

3.We can only know how to win but cannot realize it until your opponent gives you the opportunity (故曰：勝可知，而不可為) - it's just like a badminton or tennis game. We cannot plan our attack and defence plans way in advance. It is during the game that your opponents open up new opportunities due to their weakness and you convert those opportunities into success.

4.Choose your battle (是故勝兵先勝而後求戰，敗兵先戰而後求勝) - according to the Chinese original text, those great generals know they can win, that's why they fight while the inexperienced generals fight first and then try to win. In our normal life, there are so many wars we can wage such as animal rights, politics, public safety, office politics...the challenges are countless but our resources are limited. What can we do? We choose our battles that ensure we can win.

5.Just a simple attack and defense sequence can create an infinite combination (聲不過五，五聲之變，不可勝聽也) - in the Chinese text, there are only 5 music notes but with it, an infinite combination of sounds to form music. I think it's self-explanatory.

6. In a battle, the formation is more important than the individual's strength (故善戰者，求之于勢，不責于人) - this is to say that teamwork is more important and stronger than individual's capability.

7.For your team to die for you, you must first capture their heart (卒未親附而罰之，則不服，不服則難用也) - if you try to punish your team members before you capture their hearts, it will be hard to get their cooperation.

8.If your team is too close to you, punishment becomes useless and hence hard to use such people(卒已親附而罰不行，則不可用也) - this is the opposite of point 7. No matter how close we are with our team, it must be clear that they still respect us as their leaders and not buddies

Heavy stuff? Probably. That's why I split into 2 parts....coming soon!

Winning makes us feel more confident, losing makes us wiser

2010-05-05T21:42:00.003+08:00

There are times that we don’t enjoy certain conversations, not because the subject is uninteresting but because my chat member challenges me too much. Naturally, we enjoy conversations where at the end it, we manage to impress our viewpoint and feel more right after that. But on the hind sight, such ‘successful conversation’ doesn’t make us better. We gain more confidence no doubt, but we don’t expand our horizon.
On the contrary, when we are challenged by our friends, when they challenge the very sacred truth we hold, it is actually a true test of our conviction.

If we are thinking of how to improve ourselves, this is it. In such a situation, we need to use up all that we know, all that we understand to defend our position. Through it all, we either reinforce our belief or we expand our understanding. Whichever the case, we benefit although during the conversation, it is an agony.

If we take a step back, ask ourselves why are we so agitated when our belief is challenged or questioned. If we have so much conviction, what can change that belief and hence why the agitation when we are questioned? In my opinion, it's because of the fear of the unknown. "What happens if he is right?", "How can I be wrong when I experienced it myself?" Simply put, we are worried subconsciously that if this sacred cow is shattered, then we may be lost or we may need to re-engineer the truth from the scratch. We will have sleepless nights, we will try to salvage that past truth, we will...naturally, the mind will say 'defend yourself from the challenge', 'avoid this trouble-maker'...

Do you have such friends that don’t hesitate to challenge you? Don’t sack all of them as they do play a role.

How many days are there in a week? To some, it's only 2.

2010-04-16T23:57:00.007+08:00

Each day, many people are counting their days to the weekends as though they are born for weekends and the rest (weekdays) are merely part of the process. If we were to only 'live' when the weekend arrives, we only use 29% of our lives. Or in a more negative way, we fail to live in 71% of our lives. Ain't that sad? For a terminally ill person, every extra day is a bonus and here we are, criticizing it, treating the week days with no respect.

If we hate what we do so much during the weekdays, why do we still continue doing? Why don't we just stop what we hate doing and move on to something we like? Why don't we create an escape plan that can help us get out? Is it really the environment that forces us to continue doing what we hate, or is it just a case of plain cowardice of not having the guts to face a new world?

I have the chance to talk to a foreign worker recently. After knowing him for about 6months by now, I find his thinking is much more advanced than a lot of the lucky people in Malaysia who prefer to label themselves as 'some poor guys trapped in the rat race'. This foreign worker has a clear escape plan. He knows exactly how long he wants to stay in this country, how hard he needs to work, how much money he needs to earn and save and what he wants to do when he goes back to his home country. If he is caught by the police for illegal staying, he knows it's still worth the risk. If he has to wake up at 4 am to work, he knows it's part of the master plan. To him, everything is clear even if he doesn't know what the next odd job is coming up next week. Such is the power and vision of an unskilled laborer. As uneducated as he is, it is not an excuse for not being able to plan his escape route. The only thing he has is 'carpe diem' - seizing the day.

'Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called Present' - taught to me by my son when he was 9 years old.

Escape clause and escape route

2010-03-29T22:08:00.003+08:00

When I was still working for Gillette, I have been trained that for every contract there must be an escape clause. This is to ensure that for any unforeseen circumstances where both parties have to separate, there is always a ready platform for discussion. Since then, there is always escape clause in everything I do, no matter how sweet the deal could be. So far so good.

Now, that was work I'm talking about. But what about life? A contract where there is no resignation because any resignation simply means death. So, if life is a contract, what do we do? Do we have an escape clause and do we have an escape route?

The activities that we do in life should have an escape clause in my opinion. For example, for career, this is the job I am willing to do for this price and in the event I want to terminate this job, this or that will happen in my life. We should know the cost of parting way. We also need to have an escape route, something that we plan to escape from the things we don't like.

Take stock of your life's main activities. What are the 3 important things that you are doing in your life? Job, marriage and health may be? If one day you don't feel like doing it any more, is there an escape clause? If of the 3 important things you are doing and 1 sucks, do you have an escape route or plan? Difficult? Definitely. But again, if a prisoner can escape from the most tightly guarded prison called Alcatraz, everything else is possible. If you need inspiration, go check out some old movies I find useful such as Escape from Alcatraz (Clint Eastwood), Shawshank redemption (Morgan Freedman), Great Escape (Pele), you start to realize David Copperfield only makes things disappear in front of your eyes, but these guys make themselves disappear forever.

Some food for thoughts:

'I don't mind today ends up lousy. I do mind tomorrow ending up like today'

Escaping now to a better-than-writing activity called dreamland, I wish you all the best in your great escape.

Password to your subconscious mind - 'ICDIAAA'

2010-03-03T22:14:00.008+08:00

"Yes, you can do it"
"Do your best and let God do the rest"
"This tiger year will be good for you if you wear red"
"I don't believe in superstition, self reliance is what that works"
"Based on the law of attraction..."
"There is a miracle when you believe"

Some guys will swear that feng shui (geomancy) works, some will tell you how one event becomes the turning point of their life, some will swear that it's confidence that bring them success, some believe in perseverance, some pray hard, others pray harder...We believe that there should be only one truth but yet this truth can come in many versions :) Truth seems to be always true to those who choose to believe in it. If the rest don't believe in it, that's because they have yet to understand the truth. Well, I leave this point alone since my discussion here is more on subconscious mind.

If you observe all the quotes I have listed above, those are really words targeted to ourselves. But are they really talking to us? Or are the words meant for our subconscious brother? (see stranger in the attic for reference) As I explore subconscious mind recently, I have a strong hunch that these words are not meant for us (at least not to the conscious me) but for our subconscious mind.

It's a bit like the placebo effect where patients are given medicine which in actual fact are merely sugar pills but the patient improves his health due to strong conviction or more specifically conviction by the naive and gullible subconscious mind.

As scientists will attest, we only use 10% of our brain. The rest is basically not used or perhaps the rest is latent power in the subconscious side that have yet to be discovered with the right password. The passwords come in many forms such as feng shui, confidence, NLP, specific words that you tell yourself, memory of a person, aspiration...So, observe next time when you have a busy day ahead -what peculiar thing do you observe eg. special words you mumble to yourself, special drinks you take, special clothes you wear..those when work are the passwords to your subconscious mind.

To end, the password 'ICDIAAA' is 'I can do it again and again'

Stranger in the attic

2010-02-15T22:45:00.006+08:00

Recently, I spent time in understanding consciously the workings of the subconscious mind. While I’m still new at it (assuming my brainpower is hopeless), there are a few interesting discoveries. While these discoveries may not win Nobel prizes nor make me walk on water, it helps a great deal in explaining the linkage between the conscious and the subconscious mind, or I prefer to call it the interactions between the management and the operation departments.

Overall, the mind is divided into the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious comprises the things we want to do consciously while subconscious takes care of the involuntary activities such as heart beating, breathing, digesting and other trained skills such as cycling or driving.

The conscious brother is the ‘I’ that we know ourselves very well. The ‘I’ that thinks, plans and wishes. This is the brother that does all the thinking. It’s the one that is talking to our spouses and friends every day. It’s the one that is employed by companies, the one that everyone knows as us. However, the brain is born as a pair of twins.

We have a twin brother besides the one that we know. This twin brother is quiet, hardworking, disciplined, and gullible and always looks up to his brother for aspiration and instructions. While this good twin brother is not a great leader, he has a lot of strengths and qualities that the conscious brother cannot do. This subconscious brother doesn’t need rest, knows all the technical stuff in the body way better than the scientific knowledge combined in the world, is constantly in charge of cell production, and can even connect with the unseen force of the universe for ‘celestial’ or ‘divine’ help or solutions.

He does have one weakness inherent to his strength – he trusts the conscious brother too much to the point that he takes his conscious brother’s messages and instructions literally –word by word; letter by letter.

So, we have a perfect pair of twin brothers. The conscious one is smart, extrovert, active, full of passion, have infinite needs but has low stamina, doesn’t know much about the workings of the body and doesn’t know how to communicate with divine forces. The subconscious brother works tirelessly, knows a lot of technical knowledge has his divine networking and takes instructions very well. However, he is very gullible and trusts his twin brother too much without questioning.

Since the conscious brother is doing all the thinking, hence the relationship between the twins if turns sour must be due to the conscious brother since the subconscious brother is only at the receiving end. What sorts of problems arises form these relationships? It is very much like a lousy boss that gives conflict instructions, breathing down the next of his staff, lacks technical knowledge but still wants to meddle, and worse still, de-motivates his team.

Now that we know we have this biological twin brother that co-exists with us, it’s time we treat him well so that he can work well for us and by that, work well for both of us. Howe can we be a good brother and treat our non-evil twin brother well? Just follow the golden rules below:

1. Tell him what you want but don’t tell him how. Let him handle the operation part because he knows the best and you don’t

2. Having confidence in you simply means have confidence in your subconscious brother. Just tell him what you want and shut up. Don’t advice him and worse still, instil doubts in him.
For example: Just say ‘I want to remember all these words’ instead of ‘I must try to remember’; ‘at least remember 60% of these words’; ‘I must not forget’ – you are just confusing your own subconscious brother

Simply put, you do your best and let your twin brother do the rest. Whether you like it or not, the guy has been living up there since you were born. Why not make friends?

Why some guys have all the luck?

2010-01-31T23:12:00.004+08:00

If you ever wonder why some guys have all the luck while others don't, it could be more than just fate, karma, god testing your will power...don't neglect one more factor ie OURSELVES

For an incident to happen, we know it depends on the conditions causing it. But these conditions can be easily divided into 2 types : external and internal. External factors are those that you may have some form of influence or may be totally out of your control. Examples are weather, your boss, money, timing, karma...For internal conditions, there is just you and your attitude, and your stubbornness, your positive energy ie all that can be controlled by us.

If you review some of the small events that take place every day, you need to check whether the incident (or your wish) could not come true because of external factors or it is merely internal. One simple example: A female friend wants to go swimming. That's easy. But she doesn't like to go alone so she gets 2 friends to join her. But her 2 friends have menstrual cycle at different time of the month and they refuse to go swimming during this time. Now, initially it looks easy because she just has to pack her bag and go swimming. Just because she needs friends to do so, the success rate drops because the moment one of her friends doesn't go with her, she won't. Because it is not merely depending on the schedule of her friends but also also the menstrual cycle, the success rate drops even further. Now, if she doesn't improve her swimming or she feels frustrated because of not being able to swim, is it really karma? will power test? weather? or just plainly the conditions she has set?

Many will agree that life is short and we want to play hard. But if you set too many conditions for something to happen, it may not happen at all and we miss so many opportunities just because of the conditions we set. Worse still, we blame other people or external factors when we are the only stumbling block here?

So next time when you feel that you are unlucky, could you be the one that turns off the doorbell when luck knocks on your door?

Just close it

2010-01-18T08:09:00.001+08:00

In today's working environment, everyone needs to interface with another colleague or another department especially in a matrix organization which you don’t even know how many bosses you actually have unofficially. The problem is that with the advancement of technology, everything becomes faster but problems arrive at your knowledge faster than the solutions. Each problem, with the ideas of many people, have now multiple options of solving it, going around it, overcoming it and sometimes even postponing it.

If we are not careful, options will multiply by themselves and worse, each option will multiply into many sub-options and in less than days, you will have a web of possible solutions. Then each solution or sub-solution requires some form of effort to solve and that effort creates another set of conditions and solutions (refer to ‘Solving Solutions’ if you want more details). Suddenly, your world turns into a swampy mangrove in an Amazon jungle and you wade through the muddy water underneath and the thick bushes in front and above!!

For those who can say ‘well, I can let go my work during weekend, so it is not affecting me’, unfortunately you are not spared in your personal life too. All matters, if not careful, can create a web of options by itself if we leave it unattended.

So, the key to all this is to weed the unnecessary options at a very early stage so that it doesn’t turn into a jungle. That is why each matter MUST have a CLOSURE. As you close one option, you close with it all its sub-options and complications and what you see finally is a well-kept garden instead of a snake farm ( I call it snake farm when a person’s garden looks like an idle land with weeds and usually you will find snakes lurking)

There are many things we can close as fast as it opens but we don’t. Why? Maybe because we are greedy, trying to see if some better news will pop out. Often than not, it is because we have a fear of making the decision now subconsciously influenced by the scary part of ‘what if’. If I decide to buy the laptop here and now, what if another place sells it at an even better deal? We don’t notice that when we decide to ‘wait’, we could be spending 3 weekends trying to look for the best deal, only to realize that each laptop model has its unique features and suddenly your garden of options turns into a snake farm. Imagine if you have decided on the model, at least now it is a matter of 3 stores with the lowest price and you grab.

So, if you have a tendency of leaving multiple files open on your computer while working on a project, or those that have a long to do list, most likely you are not closing fast enough. Instead of making your to do list, why not make a ‘to close list’. What are the things you want to close today?

When I was young, my mother always cooked dinner at about 5.30pm and we would have finished dinner by 6pm. I asked her why that early and she gave a simple answer, "the earlier you eat, the earlier you are free". It makes sense because if we don’t have a closure for the dinner, you will then need to re-organize all your activities around it and that creates another set of options.

In short, just close it!

Busy or don't know what to do

2009-11-14T07:54:00.002+08:00

I once came across a quote in a shopping mall that said 'those who don't know how to enjoy life have not discovered shopping'. While the intention is to encourage spending, I think there is an alternative meaning to it. We keep doing the same thing because that was the only way we know so far.

I spoke to many people especially the successful ones and I see some common traits of these highly effective people:

I like to keep myself busy
By the 3rd day of my holiday, I find life too slow
I have dreams of what I want to do with my life, but my schedule is just too tight

Sounds familiar? Read on...

Would it be that we keep ourselves busy not because we want it but because we just don't know what to do with life. And since we don't what to do, then may be it is better to keep ourselves busy or to be more specific, let others or our jobs keep ourselves busy. If we know so well what we want to do with life, then how can a person be bored after 3rd day of holiday.

A little acid test to our achievements in life. List down some of your big achievements in your work and personal life. Grow sales despite economic slowdown, contain budget, bought a new house with high potential return, goes to the gym 4 times a week consistently...remember this feeling you are having now as you list down.

Now, imagine you have a colleague who is diagnosed for 4th stage liver cancer. You visit him and he tells you about his achievements which so happens to be the ones I listed above or those that you have in your mind. Do you still find the achievements very relevant in his context? Well, yes or no, you decide but one thing for sure...that guy can be you. If you find that your achievements like growing sales and market shares are less relevant, then better think again.

The power to create and destroy

2009-05-10T11:03:00.002+08:00

No, we are not talking about super power or playing with god. Not that deep or far-fetched. We are talking about the power of parents.

When I go to a friend's place, I notice different attitudes of their children. Some greet me and ask after me. Some are too engrossed with what they are doing and cannot be bothered about my presence or probably not worth bothering.

Well, for children, having visitors was a first experience at some point their process of growing. They naturally responded in the best way they thought in that situation then and that response became their benchmark. As time went by, that became their attitude. However if the parents interfered with that response and insisted that their kids must greet visitor regardless of what they were doing then, it would influence the response of their kids.

What does this mean? It means that parents have the power to create, destroy or continue any tradition. Each generation is a cross road and the parents bear the highest responsibility. If you teach your kids your mother tongue, that it shall continue for another generation. When your kids teach their kids the mother tongue, it will then be transferred for another generation.

So parents united, use your power and use it carefully.

Happy Mother's Day!

My very own anger management

2009-05-09T09:28:00.002+08:00

I bought some educational CD's that I can play in the car while I'm stuck in jams. This CD makes such an impact to me that I think it is worth sharing. And the beauty is that it's so easy to have a traffic jam and so opportunities to perfect my anger management is abundant. Ever since I realized some truths of anger, I have not been angry since Feb this year. If there were some 'near-misses', i felt bad and I think that is a good start. At least I know I want to manage better.

Here are my management tips:

Sea water
What is the difference between pure water and sea water? Sea water is most salty of course. But it is actually pure water but mixed with salt. So, sea water is actually pure water but it is 'contaminated with salt'. Same goes for people. There are people who are rude. Is that the person or is that his attitude? If we are able to treat that all people are 'pure water' but some become salty because of the 'salty attitude', we could then be more forgiving. It's not him. It's not his face. It's not his dressing. It's his attitude today. When I look around the cars stuck around me, I see 2 things in each face. The pure person and the 'salty' attitude. And sometimes I wish I could help them ease some irritation on their face. To do that , I allow them to come into my line instead of 'I hate people jumping the line!!!!!!'

If the above step doesn't work, never mind. Try the next:

Stabbing ourselves
Each time I'm angry, I feel pain or discomfort in my physical heart. So I imagine that each time I'm angry, it's like I am stabbing my own heart with an invisible knife. The knife may be virtual but the pain is true. So now, each time I feel like getting angry, the image of myself stabbing my own heart stops my anger. Why am I hurting myself when someones does something wrong? When the incident is over, I reflect upon it hours later and realize that it is not just the anger at the moment. If that happens, it will also probably affect my positive mood from that incident until the time I reflect. All in all, it's not worth it.

If the above still doesn't help, try this:

The big 'MY'
It is irritating because it is blocking MY view. The car is delaying MY appointment. He is trying to squeeze into MY line. He is spoiling MY day. Mine...oh....mine. Oh MY god. I did it MY way. Notice that the problem arises because it is MY thing? If in a jam, we don't treat the line we are following is MY line, most likely, when another car is joining the traffic, you don't feel 'trespassed' because it is not MY line anymore. It's our line.

Still cannot work? Then use the more conventional way:

Patience is a virtue
In most religions I have seen, patience has always been regarded as a virtue, something the followers ought to cultivate. So, all the irritating incidents that are happening is a way for us to cultivate patience. When we are angry each time there is an irritating incident, that means we are far from perfection. If we are half the time angry, hey...i am 50% from perfect. If we can handle each situation, then congrats! You have perfected patience. Finally, patience can be measured.

I'm sorry for those who don't have a jam to practice anger management. For the rest, aren't we lucky to have jams? Aaaaaahhh...Monday's jam is the best one!

What can time buy?

2009-01-26T10:52:00.003+08:00

I was buying things in a pharmacy last week and I overheard someone talking on the mobile phone. The conversation was about 10 minutes and the whole discussion was nothing more than which brand to buy and whether the price was the best in the country.

I am sure at that time, there was a doctor out there who was faced by a emergency situation where he/she has to make a life-or-death surgery on an accident victim in order to continue life.

In the first case, the caller feels great because she has bought something for the lowest price, probably $2 cheaper than everyone else in the country. Then there is this doctor who also feels great because she manages to save a life due to her 'bets' she took.

We could be from different walks of life, different countries, different beliefs but whatever the differences, we are blessed with exactly 24 hours in a day. If one prefers to spend 20% of one's timing bargaining, what one will get back is the money saved. Is it worth it? Only the person can judge. One can also spend 20% of one's time doing charity work, is it worth it? Again, only the person can tell.

My message here is that everyone is granted the same amount of time in a day. If time is a currency, think of what this newly founded 'money' can buy. Some use it like 'discount coupon' to buy the lowest price, some spend it to 'buy peace' while others did not buy anything but their 'money' was stolen by their friends who engage them in idle talking and activities.

My other message is that we need to ask ourselves 'Has it been worth it, all this time that was spent in this particular activity?' To help you check whether it's worth it, ask yourself the following questions:
Can you recall its benefits? Does it make you a much better person today? When you think back, can it gives you the same pleasure? Most of all, do you feel happy when you think back?

If it doesn't, most likely it is not worth it. It is mostly like an idle activity.

With that, I hope it can suggest some new resolutions for this Chinese New Year.

For those whose resolutions stop as soon as they start, may I share some tips with you. Have a few resolutions starting on different significant dates. Some start on 1/1/09, some start on 1st day of Chinese New Year, reserve some for Hari Raya, Wesak Day, Labor Day...

A new chicken and egg situation

2009-01-01T16:30:00.002+08:00

Well, it has been quite a while since I wrote. What should I say? Time flies? But that doesn't mean I have not encountered any new incidents that worth writing, only that have not been writing.

I have some skin problem called eczema. For those who experienced before, you will know that it is a sticky issue because initially the part affected is itchy and then I scratch it, and then it becomes more itchy, and I scratch further. When do I stop? When all the dead skins have been scratched off and what left is the normal skin. By then, some 'little wounds' will have been created during the 'pleasure time' as now the pleasure is lower and the pain is sensed. I regretted scratching it (sure because it is painful now and the logical part of myself takes over). As the wound heals and the dead skin accumulates, the temptation to scratch begins. Then, the whole story starts again...and thinking of it, it has been 5 years!

I realize that this pleasure and pain is one entity but only at different extreme. Just like cold and hot is part of temperature. Now the question that needs to be answered is which is the 'chicken' and which is the 'egg' (which is the cause and which is the effect). There are a lot of times we thought we know, but do check again.

Those who are actively running in the rat race, there are high and low in our months. There are crazy months where budgeting, meetings and visitors just have to happen at the same time. Then usually there is a peaceful period during the end of the year as most people take their holidays or last attempt to 'clear their leave entitlement'. During the peak time, we feel like this job sucks and almost want to quit. But by December when we look back, aaahh it was a meaningful experience. In fact, the pain then makes the vacation now even a more enjoyable and rewarding one!!

Now, which is the cause and which is the effect? In my case, is the pain worth it because it makes the scratching part more pleasurable? We work late nights and then we 'enjoy' the weekend better by sleeping more? We take unnecessary risks to gain extra money so that we can buy ourselves a favorite bag? Will I miss the pleasurable scratching if my eczema is fully treated? Is it the subconscious reason I have let myself to go through this pain-pleasure trip for 5 years?

The key messages I want to share are:

we need to understand that pain and pleasure are actually one entity. We should not complain about the pain but yet consciously and subconsciously enjoy the pleasure because of the pain.
we need to ask ourselves is the pain worth it? IE we should put the pain as the 'cause' and the pleasure as the effect' to ensure that we do not indulge in short-term pleasure while the situation deteriorates. You will understand better when you see a person who have lost his limbs due to diabetes (while some are born with insulin deficiency, the rest is failure to avoid high-sugar foods)
look out for alternative pleasures IE what pleasure we can get if the pain is gone forever?

Looks like I have to start scratching my head for the answer than scratching my leg for the pleasure!

Happy new year!!

Selfish or selfless ?

2008-10-07T15:18:00.001+08:00

This is a very interesting subject because it is a matter of where we draw the line. A father who robs to feed his family could be a selfish act because he is gaining at the expense of others. At the same time it's also a selfless act because he risks his safety for his family at least in the eyes of his kids.

As it is really a case of where we draw the line or which side of the fence we happen to be, it is therefore very hard to decide what emotions we should have for a thief who steals for his ailing kids.

So one man's meat is really another man's poison. As every case is totally relative, personally I have stopped reacting but remain indifferent instead.

I prefer to view this type of situations as a 'bet' i.e. the father takes a risk and if he succeeds, he has the money and if he fails, he has the punishment as well as not having the money.

Why is this discussion important? Some may ask. Of course it's important because many of us are faced with this situation but are not aware of it. If you ask most proud parents, they usually will tell you about the right things they are doing or sacrificing for the family be it good or bad things, be it legal or illegal, be it selfish or selfless. But one thing is consistent. They will justify that they need to do it for the family. How could that be wrong? The worse thing is that when the person fails and faces the punishment, the parent can even blame the merciless judge, blame the screwed up society or blame the creator. Again they ask the question 'how could it be wrong when I'm sacrificing for the family?' Then some Hollywood or Hong Kong director will make a movie out of it with the infamous line 'inspired by a true story'

So, rather than deciding whether we should be compassionate in situation like this, rather than justifying the unwholesome things that we do, why not view it as a bet. If we are the neutral party, stay neutral and just note that one guy has lost his bet. If we are having some unwholesome sacrifices, tell ourselves we must find alternatives because in betting, we don't win all the time.

Cancer is a gift?

2008-08-19T03:57:00.003+08:00

Well, I could almost say everyone will hope that they are free from some terrible disease and I'm sure cancer is one of those dreaded ones. However, I had a friend who viewed cancer as a gift because he believed that everything happens for a reason. For this, he took it as life lesson instead of as part of statistics of people died out of it.

Well, as you might have guessed, the person passed away. But in the 1.5 years that he was confirmed suffering from cancer, he did a lot of things most people won't do - making a meaning out of it besides the usual gung-ho fight of 'I will survive'.

Along the way, this guy inspired many of his friends including me, and from friends who passed on the word, had inspired many friends of friends. There are many meaningful lessons from this chap and for me, the ones below are the most inspiring:

instead of using blogs to defame someone, vet our frustration, this guy introduced blog as a way to 'visit' him virtually and a way to share his experience with those who are interested. This blog was actually inspiration from this friend and I earned a compliment from him as 'the new kid on the blog'
this guy printed out 'business cards' that say 'Occupation : Cancer patient'! He introduced to me the concept that we must have a role in our life, not merely in our job. Since he had cancer, his new life job was to share his learning
we have ups and downs and there are times things seem to happen with or without a cause. But instead of the typical positive thinking of 'things will get better' or 'the tough gets going' kind of mindsets, he chose a new dimension called 'make meaning'. Whatever should not happen has happened. But since it has happened, should we just lament it or can we 'make meaning' out of it? There was one time I felt very bad that I spoke bad about someone via sms and I didn't realize that I was sending this sms to the guy I spoke badly about! It had already happened and besides cursing myself for being stupid, I made a meaning out of it by telling myself 'good words wont betray others; betraying words cant be good'

Recently, a few friends of his edited all the postings in his blog and made a book out of it. To this group, I salute their commitment and perseverance despite the busy schedule that everyone has. For those who want a copy, please refer to the following blog for details:

http://www.fhbadventure.blogspot.com/

But for those who want to read the blogs in its original form, just go through the blogs. The comments could be equally interesting too.

There is also one party that most of us forget to thank, blogger.com itself for being the enabler. So to blogger.com, thank you for providing the blog site that have benefited millions!

Appointing God as the Gangster

2008-06-08T16:03:00.002+08:00

To start with, I'm not trying to be blasphemous here and there is no intention to belittle any religions or showing any disrespect. The title is such because we sometimes are literally doing it but are not aware of it. This article this time is to make all of us aware of such appointment.

It is very natural for humans to react to any bad sources coming from other humans. It could be due to natural reaction to protect ourselves ir it could be a way we solve our problems. This 'reaction' which is usually as negative as the source itself is called 'revenge' and sometimes it tastes sweet.

Now, the word 'revenge' has been modified, packaged, advertised and manipulated into many other forms and words. Some prefer to call it 'punishment', some say 'teaching someone a lesson', some justifies that 'it takes fire to fight fire', some tell you 'it's for his own good'...well, there are many variations and whatever it is, it is actually attempting 'to let out' that little energy that gets accumulated in our heart.

I'm not trying to discuss anger management today. The main subject I want to bring out is the subconscious way a lot of relatively more religious people (or those who want to better themselves) that they are advocating revenge without realising it.

How many times have you heard a guy that says 'for those bad people, let's forget them. God will punish them' or 'those guys will one day receive their karma'. The original idea here is more of 'hey, let me refrain myself from taking revenge as advised by my religion'. But what the idea became finally was 'I will not react or take revenge. God will punish him or karma will burn him'. Basically, we still want to take revenge but in this case we don't have to because we think God will do it on our behalf!'

So as what the title states, we are appointing God as our gangster to settle our old scores with people we don't like. When we are not taking revenge, the purpose is to forgive or to practice compassion. However, it can end up as 'my boss (God) will settle for me' if we are not careful.

So, ask ourselves next time when we forgive someone in the future...we forgive because we are really forgiving or we forgive (or actually close the case) because we believe God will handle it....aah what a fine line :)

October fest is not in October (neither is time management about time)

2008-05-19T09:25:00.007+08:00

Once, I tried to ask a stupid question as a joke. But finally I realized that it was actually true that October fest in Germany is not in October. It's actually September!!

Now, if we ask a 'stupid' question "what do we manage in time management?", I'm sure most of us will reply "Time, stupid!" And just like October fest, I have to say that time management is NOT about managing time.

Sound like a shocker? Yes, it does because that is what many of us have believed or taught to believe in. Time ticks away all the time. It is unstoppable. It is the result that we want. Now, do we manage results (time) or we manage factors that influence our time? Actually we are managing factors that may cause us to lose time. Hence, you may now agree that we actually don't manage time but try to work on the factors that can steal our time away.

So, what do we manage actually? Time management can be divided into 2 parts : the technical part (internal efficiency) and the strategic part (external factors)

Technical part (efficiency)
This is one part that you can find in most books. There is a long list that you can pick up but below are golden rules that I believe strongly in:

Plan 2 steps ahead in your first time - then you are always one step ahead after that
Always have a contingency plan so that we are not caught with fire-fighting
While waiting, do something. Read a book, call someone you should have been calling more often especially while waiting for a plane
Review your activities and find the biggest time waster - eg. meetings, reading emails. A lot of people complain that they are stuck in meetings and so they cannot do other work. The problem is 'why are we choosing other work that cannot be done during a meeting?' If the subject is not related to you at that time, do some thinking! (unless someone can read minds!!)
Know the peak performance time of the day. Even if you know, try different timing because as we age, our peak period may vary too
Get tools that can help us organize better. I'm a firm believer in PDA phones.

The above list can go on but I'm sure you can find that in many books. Now, for the strategic part (or external part) this is where the major outcome is almost fixed if not managed well ie even if we can be very efficient, we probably can cut down by 20%.

Changing methods

This is one key part. We will always have 24 hours. And there is a maximum of things we can do in a day. We need to have a belief that changing the way we work can improve our efficiency. But to know exactly where to attack, we need to know where the bottle neck is. In my past job, I had a guy who was very good in IT. But his work was slow despite his expertise. Then, we found out later that it was delayed by his poorer command of English! So, in this case, he has to tackle the bottle neck by changing the way he works. He may ask someone to help, he may set an easier format or even may have to improve his command of the language. Do we use spell check? Are we thinking more in front of the computer or doing? If it is thinking, think over it during those boring meetings or during your coffee break.

Asking for or getting more resource

This is usually done but we are not aware of. Each time we are bogged down with work, we skip lunches, work overtime...it is actually a form of putting in more resources. But the problem is that this should only be used for emergency. If a task is continuously going to suck time, we need more resources. Same method, which area is the bottle neck? Once identified, we need to check if changing methods is necessary. If not, then we need more resources. But a few famous reasons thing pop up most of the time:

"My company has a budget constraint. We are not allowed to get more people"

"Everyone is busy, none of my colleagues can help me."

"The work is too complicated. I cannot delegate. "

Well, that is what teamwork is for. To start with, do you help others? Can others help you in more mundane work like keying in some data while you focus on this critical task alone? One key example : a friend's mother is sick and is hospitalized. There is not much you can help your friend but you can always help her pay some bills or bring food for her...

There is another resource that sometimes we forget. Extending deadlines! It IS actually asking for more resources.

Prioritization

When the above has been done and the list is still too long, then you need to prioritize. Of course all are important. But remember that we are now not choosing good from bad. That is done in the above. We are choosing 'worse' out from 'the worst'. It is about renouncing, letting go some for the benefit of all. It is about getting complimented for the good work done and AT THE SAME TIME, screwed for not doing the others. One may say not fair, but having ALL TASKS screwed is the worst.

Life on rental

2008-04-23T22:27:00.002+08:00

After a long silence, I'm back!!! So much for my resolution to blog once a month. I guess it is due to the concept of trying to be perfect and ended zero (the worst in the scale of perfection!)

First, I have seen people renting cars when they go on trip or check into hotel during holidays. You sure bet they will maximize the car or room because they know they have paid a fixed fee and they feel they 'lose out' if they do not use it to the maximum.

Secondly, I have also seen people buying cars. They sometimes love their new assets so much that they take care of it to the extent of not using it to keep it new and shiny. Unfortunately, I have to say that we actually do not own it. Whatever that we buy with the intention of selling it off later at a price is actually 'a rental'. For example, we bought a car for $50k. 5 years later we sell it for $30k. What it simply means is that we actually spent $20k renting the car for 5 years or $4k per year.

While a car with better condition can command a better price when we sell it off, it is actually minimal. However, if we consider those years where we did not use the car, we actually lost out. Why not use the car to the max (without abusing it of course) as it is actually a fixed rental (in a way through depreciation).

Now, that's only a car. But let's take a look at life. If we assume we rent our physical body which has to be returned some day (ie we die!), it is a fixed rental. The price for rental is probably our past actions (if you believe in past life) or our current hardship that we go through all this while. There is a price we pay and if it's going to be that way, why not maximize our life? For the same price we pay, we get more out of it, a concept that sounds like music to the economists, financial analysts, production managers, advertisers and of course you.

So in life, the tougher the hardship means the higher the rental we pay
The higher rental we pay means the more we should get out of life!

Now, go and get it... you sucker

Inconvenient truth about retiring - Part 3

2008-01-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

If you are still at part 2, hope you are moving smoothly and well. For those who have just started entering part 3 or well over part 3, hopefully this article is able to give you some ideas on the plan of retiring. First to recap. In part 2, we are not supposed to save but to accumulate depreciating assets with good residual value. At the same time, you are also building your skills to increase your job market value. Now you are like most ‘walking zombies’ of the twilight zones whereby you have a car but nothing to shout about.

You have a house but nothing to show to others. You have some savings but you know that is not enough to let you retire. You seem to have everything and yet nothing :o Some turn more philosophical by telling themselves that ‘thou shalt not be greedy’. Appreciate what you have, good family, good health and stable income. Some lost interest in getting better because there is just nothing in sight and their current work demands 101% of their time. If you were to change jobs, there is a dark fear of losing what you already have.

Sound familiar? It's definitely the common mid-life crisis you are going through. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone goes through that plateau some time in their life. You are no exception. In a positive way, this is the BEST stage because it can determine the possibility of how you will end in your career life. It comes with risks of course but so is not doing anything.

What should we do? While there is not really a specific formula to follow, the attempt here is to try to give an all-rounded discussion to aspects that one has to pay attention too.

Time
First, you need time, not time to postpone deadlines but time to allow yourself to start organizing your life. If you are those that have no nights and days during weekdays, you then have to sacrifice some weekend time for a better tomorrow. Calculate your assets and liabilities that you have...and do it honestly. How much EPF, how much bank loan to go, how much your take home pay is...You will then be able to assess your status. Most likely it is still a net negative . No worries.

Income
Technically, what are the monies that come into your account. The most blatant one will be salary. However, if your plan is to work and rely on increment so that you can retire, you better do something else. If you do get a promotion every 3 years, yes then stay on for a chance to be part of the senior management. If you want to retire by working on a job, the ultimate goal is to get into the senior management level where you are offered better perks, profit sharing and stock options. Trust me, it’s those that make you rich.

If your skills and experience cannot get you to that level, then you need plan B i.e. your salary is not the main source to allow you to retire early. Your salary now plays the role as the main source for investment that will get you into earlier retirement. In other words, you want to spin your money to get more money.

Other income
How do you increase your other income? Other income is something that can either give you consistent money over a period of time. It can be a house that you rent out, it can be a business that gives you some profit every year or anything that can give you money consistently. If you fall into the group where you cannot get you into the senior management, then yes you need your salary as a form of fund to get more money. There are many possible business opportunities that can give you that.

Property
Property remains a main area that has proven over time that can bring more other income. A lot of people prefers to speculate property. That is not right if you are talking investment as it should be long term. A period of 5 years seem ok as it will have enough appreciation and also able to cover for legal fees and bank penalty for early settlement. Treat your property like a Fixed Deposit rather than as a dream home. Most people lose out in property because of 2 reasons:
1) They do too much renovation and hence trapping themselves into the need to sell the house at higher price.
2) They take too much risk by buying a property that has yet to grow rather than one property that is in an upward trend. I know you make less when you buy second hand, but think of it differently – you are outsourcing your risks to the 1st buyer

Business
In a country where fixed deposit rate is around 3.7%, we are all ears when we hear anything that can possible give us 5% interest per annum. While that may sound interesting, we do not have the same interest for a business venture that give us 5% return per year! Imagine you see a nice food stall in a coffee shop that is doing decent business. But for some reasons, this guy is getting old and is willing to sell his stall for RM30,000. If the profit is going to be RM300 per month, you probably is not interested. That is actually 12% interest per annum! The biggest trap that anyone could get into is trying to set up a NEW one. No, we do not have the skills and we do not have the time and the risk is too high. We have to look for EXISTING business that is already generating a steady income.

Direct selling
Multilevel, pyramid whatever you call it…it can also be a good business. But most people will tell you ‘I have been there and done that. It doesn’t work’. Sure it won’t if you are joining when the business is already at a stable level. To be filthy rich in such endeavors, you must START early. It’s usually the 1st to 3rd generation that makes tons of money, not when you are at 15th generation. You may want to invest a few potential direct selling that is at an early stage and work on it.

There are always more ways how we can make more ‘other income’. The basic principles remain:

If your current salary cannot get you to senior management that open up to profit sharing, steep bonuses and stock options, you need to find other income.

Happy exploring and Happy New Year!

Inconvenient truth about savings - Part 2

2007-10-06T12:48:00.000+08:00

Now, here comes the more controversial part where some may argue my thoughts or strategies won’t work while some may agree. Whichever the case, remember, we decide our own lives and must be willing to accept the consequences of our decisions.

It is a cycle of life where your parents may have supported you and then you support yourself and maybe later you support your kids and maybe (only maybe) your kids support you. But we have to start somewhere. So, let’s start from when you start working. In today’s job environment, there are too many degree holders! Hence, when you have a degree, you still start at the very first rung in your corporate ladder i.e. management trainee or sales rep. Unlike in the past, we started at executives which are merely 1 to 2 grades below the manager.

Most people start their career with nothing. If lucky, the father lends them his car to go to work. Regardless of what, most people try to start their savings at this age. When you are starting at this stage, there are basically 3 important things you need to be clear in your mind:
a) what are the things you cannot afford to lose?
b) when you will break even given your current income?
c) what are you good for?

In the 1st part, you may notice that there is no mention on savings. Most young people attack this point. It is pointless to talk about saving when you have yet to accumulate some depreciating assets (eg. Car, mobile phone, gym membership), leave alone money-making assets. So, it is really not practical to start your working life by savings. Not only that it won’t work, in fact it can be very discouraging when you realize that after a few years of savings, you basically still don’t have any savings! And probably end up with even more debts!!

So as you first start, stop thinking about savings. The time will come but definitely not now. What is important is to focus on things that you cannot afford to lose. Can you lose a job? No! Can you lose your health? Definitely no! So, your first wealth accumulation is your life assurance. We all know, we are worth more when you are dead or sick than when we are alive :(

Then, you begin your journey of accumulating ‘depreciating assets’. These are simple things that you have with a salvage value. For example, when you buy a car and sell it off 5 years later, it still has a residual value. Why is this important? That’s because once you own some of such assets, you basically pay the differences when you change to a new car rather than paying full price. Accumulating such assets is also in a way forced saving. With interest rates for car running at 3% p.a., go for it man! Even your fixed deposit is generating about the same amount of interest. But remember, you must include your maintenance as part of your car purchase. If your car maintenance cost is higher as your salvage value, you are back to square one. House? Yes if it is cheaper than renting after you pay your down payment. Don’t expect to make money on your first house. Treat it as rental. It makes getting the 2nd house easier in the next round as you start paying the difference, not from zero. Remember, consider maintenance cost as well. There are jokers who renovate their house more than the salvage value. Other depreciating asset will be your mobile phone, house air cond, computers but all with the same guideline, make sure maintenance and upgrades do not exceed salvage values.

At this stage, always remember that your savings on your current salary will not get you anywhere. It is time to earn more, not save more. Ask yourself a simple question. If your salary is RM3k per month, and you can save 100% i.e. RM3k, will you have a perfect life ever after? If the answer is ‘no’, then stop talking about saving at this stage! It is a time to make more.

How do you make more? If you are an employee, always remember to upgrade your skills. Ask yourself what you are good for. Never see what you need to learn from your current position. See it from where you want to be. Imagine yourself being in that position, look back to your current position and ask yourself what skills you need to build. Forget about increment, at best it helps you in your inflation. But go for promotions as this is where you quantum leap. Always set your own horizon in your current job. To me, 3 years is good and renew every 2 years. This horizon will help you see what you need to do with your career and also put some urgency in your action plans.

The above principally addressed the 1st stage – accumulating some assets and building what you are good for. This blog is long and so I have decided to put the next stage in my next blog i.e. when can you break even.

Until then, continue accumulating depreciating assets with maintenance cost in mind, and continue upgrading your skills. Good luck!

The inconvenient truth about savings

2007-07-21T19:36:00.000+08:00

Recently, there has been quite a number of discussions on saving money and retirement. After a few rounds with different friends and colleagues, I noticed that the outcome is almost like golf – more heartache than good memories!

Now, I don’t claim to be a financial expert and for the same token, I don’t think financial expert should claim they are the greatest financial planners as well.

I’m writing a 2-part articles this time and for the first part, I prefer to bring out a few shallowly understood concepts and also some possible misconceptions.

Here we go:

Investment
We buy a new phone and just because it’s expensive, we call it an investment. Hello…when you are using something immediately, you call it ‘buy and use’. Not investment. Investment simply means something that today it costs more but in the long run, it is still cheaper. Does your phone appreciate in value?? Stop cheating ourselves with nice literature words :)

Depreciation
There are a lot of people that buy Japanese cars because of their relatively higher resale value. But we need to understand that this is only true when we are buying new cars so that when we want to sell it, we lose less in depreciation. However, if we are buying a second hand car, what‘s the difference? You buy at lower prices and so you sell it away at lower prices, right??

Packages of 10’s are cheaper?
Well, if you go for massages or facial treatments, you will always come across the promotional packages they are offering. No doubt that they could be cheaper to buy en bloc, but that doesn’t mean you see more money in your savings. Imagine this. I usually go for my massage biweekly and the attendant suggests me to buy sets of 10 for the price of 9. While it is true mathematically in my savings, but how sure am I that I will see the RM80 I saved in my savings? Can I be very sure that that I will not spend RM80 on something else for the next 4 months? But one fact is clear. I have to pay RM800 upfront first!! So, packages only work if you have a fixed pocket money but you intend to stretch it further.

Getting loan for investment
This is a real funny one. Investment usually refers to the money you ALREADY have and you try to invest carefully so that they work harder for you. But sometimes especially when during market boom, there will be guys who borrow money to invest. No money but plan to invest?? This is not investment. This is called trading i.e. buy low and sell high but using banks to finance the transaction. So remember, that’s called trading. Same thing for a house. When you plan to buy a house and go for 90% loan, you are not investing because you don’t have the real money. You are…TRADING. You try to buy a house at lower price and sell it at higher price and trying to finance this transaction through a bank.

Unit Trust
This area is also quite misunderstood. I’m not against trusts. I have some myself. But again, we need to understand that there are such things called commissions (between 5 to 6.5%) and management fees (0.5% to 1.5%). It could be front loaded or backloaded but the fundamental questions we must always ask ourselves are: if I today buy 1000 units for RM1,000, how much will I get back in REAL cash when I sell that 1000 units 3 years later? Most agents will tell that if the price is RM1.50 per unit, then you will get RM1,500. However, one must understand that the growth of 50% in the 3-year period is actually not 50% but probably 56% to 58%. That is because there is commission and management fee involved. So, buying prices need to be lowered to accommodate for the fees.

Financial planners
This is also quite interesting. It is good to talk to some financial planners and see their views and that’s a great way to cross check against your plan to make sure that it is still a sound plan. But, you still need to be caution because that very guy who comes and sees you and tells you how to achieve financial freedom is probably also actually a guy who has not attained financial freedom himself. There will naturally be discussion on diversifying risks in different investments, but at the end of the day, it still stretches from insurance on one hand to stocks on the other and are usually services from the company he works for. If there’s one guy that also considers buying property, opening a coffee shop, insisting you pay your credit card first, then he is most likely the right guy you can pursue. Otherwise, you could be talking to a salesman actually.

Save money for your kids?
It’s true that we need some cash. However, we need to know how much cash we need for our usual expenses and rainy days. But there are guys who try to save money for kids’ future. We all know that death is certain. So, why not ‘maximize your death’ by buying insurance? Then, your kids use your current and mid-term savings, but use your insurance money when you check out from earth.

Interest – tool or enemy?
I have seen a lot of friends who frantically compromise lifestyle in order to clear their loans. Interest, in their belief, is the no.1 enemy. I beg to differ. Interest from loans is actually like a knife. It can be used for cutting vegetable and it can be used for killing. But the knife is not the cause but the user is. The knife is merely a TOOL. I strongly suggest we don’t go bonkers about interest and treat it like your family’s foe. It’s a tool and use it wisely. Evil of interest is widely known and I will not elaborate. But I need to share some benefits of interests. Interests ‘fast forward’ time so that you can start using something before you are qualified to. If you need to save to own a car but your job requires a car immediately, interest comes to the rescue. If you have a business that will yield 20% returns but you don’t have the money, an interest rate of 10% will realize your opportunity. For those who still disagree, try to find yourself an aunt that can lend you RM200,000 for 20 years and do not need any collateral. If you find out, please introduce to me too!

Well, hope the 1st part is of some values to you. On the 2nd part, I shall talk about what I think we should do at different stages of life in the road towards retirement or financial freedom.

Do you have a PCARD for work?

2007-05-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

Nope, PCARD is not a passport or a green card for a foreigner to work. It's actually a mnemonic that helps me remember the generic skills that we need either in our work or life. These skills are so basic and so generic in nature that it is overly easy for us to overlook or ignore them as unimportant.

I'm sure most of us have heard terms like EQ, soft skills, people management skills and leadership. On the personal life part, you may have heard about discipline, managing time, socializing skill and learning piano especially nowadays where middle income group parents and above are frantically trying to equip their kids will 'skills of life' such as piano (pain-o maybe :)), art class, reading skill upgrade...(talking about stress, are we the victim or the perpetrator?)

If you are ever confused to put all these skills on a table so that you can plan and decide what's important, then may I suggest 'PCARD'. PCARD stands for 5 generic skills that after observing and testing them across all disciplines and aspects of personal life, they remain relevant and important till this day. So what are they? Here we go...

Projection management skill (whatever tasks that you cannot finish immediately or require others to do as well)
Communication skill (talking to business partners, long last friends, talking to kids...)
Analytical skill
Resource management skill (people, time and information)
Decision making skill

Not sure if the skills are 'fully transferable' from one job to another? from work to personal life? Well, let's see. Supposed a person works as an account executive. She needs to make sure the monthly reports are submitted on time (P skills), she need to work with other departments to get info or follow procedures (C), she needs to write a summary of what happens to the numbers (A), she needs to delegate some new tasks to her new management trainee (R skill) and she needs to decide whether she needs extra time to generate a last-minute report requested by the boss. After a hard day work, it is finally Saturday. She is assisting her sister in her wedding dinner (P), she answers calls of her long-last friend to suddenly appear to sell her some things (C), she detected a foul smell from the fridge and is checking what the cause is (A), she is planning a trip and try to apply for annual leave (R) and she has to decide whether should she accept her company's recommendation to move to Marketing as part of her career building.

If you check the skills against your current job, are PCARD skills required too? A marketer launches a new product (P), needs to talk to suppliers for best deal (C), needs to check the best way to launch it (A), check spending against budget (R) and decide which location to use for launch (D).

If you are with me now, it's always pcardpcardpcardpcard...

Most parents send kids to learn new skills such as music, reading and dancing. All those to me are secondary skills. What the kids should derive form these classes is trying to learn the generic skills of PCARD. For example, reading music notes and playing the right key on the piano are learning analytical skill. Some practice art. That's visual communication. Some dance. That's analytical skills too. Have you noticed dancers trying to check their posture in front of the mirror? Or in deep thoughts how they cannot make the turn swiftly? They are analysing. What about reading? It's about how to gather and manage information (resources).

So, I'm sure the mid year appraisal is coming. Check your technical skill gap such as software and marketing communication as well as your soft skills gap using PCARD. May be this time you want to impress your boss by using PCARD to assess your soft skills and what you need to improve. Remember: Impressing your boss is also a ______________ skill? Yes, communication skill!

Net deficit after 3 months...

2007-03-24T17:48:00.000+08:00

Like most people on this planet, I joined the hopeful and like the hopeful, I set new year resolutions. As most of us have expected subconsciously, resolutions are not meant to last. The only hope is that may our resolutions last as long as long as our problems!

While I have no problems missing resolutions, this year was a bit different as I set myself for the first time a resolution of a new category. A few months ago, a client of mine gave me a few CD's with the title '4 lessons of Liao Fan'. In a synopsis, it's about a guy whose life was going 100% as fated until one day he made some good deeds. To his surprise, his fate started to change. The learnings are about how our actions can still change the destiny. Being motivated by these cd's, I made a resolution to do 1000 good deeds a year. For a statistician, that will mean about 3 good deeds per day.

First day, well...life was a bit slow so I missed my daily target. 2nd day...completed 2 but must work harder the following day to catch up with 'lost sales'. After a week, I realized that my best score was 2 per day. A week later my 2 remained the best score but the problem was that the quality of 2 dwindled. I had to include 'good deeds' like slowing down my car to allow a kid to cross the road, holding the lift door for a stranger...which was more of a courtesy than good deeds. But like any other sales guys, we have to do what we have to do.

I can miss my resolution to lose 3 kg or to improve my golf by 5 strokes and I don't think it has any spill over effects to the following days. But missing the good deeds as resolution is something very different. It blatantly tells me that I have not created enough good deeds to build a better aura for the future but that is still ok if there were also not many bad deeds done daily. But a quick check will easily reveal 5 incidents of bad deeds per day!

If I were to treat good and bad deeds as credit and debit, I have a NET DEFICIT!!! And why I'm still ok is primarily because I'm using my savings from past lives. But it's also quite true that opportunities for good deeds may also be hard to come by in our daily life style. For me, I'm in a car to work in the morning, office from 9am to 6 pm. During lunch, I'm surrounded by temptation of good hawker stores above everything else. Have dinner at malls or home. Watch TV for a few hours and...hmmmm. I guess that's it! While I'm sure there are opportunities, but it's so easy to miss if I don't pay attention.

Now, if we look around us, whether it's ourselves or our colleagues and friends, chances are low too if we do not make an effort to find. From time to time, we have heard comments like 'how could this happen to a nice guy like him, who does not do any harm all his life' (but the question is has he done anything good?). I have seen how religious people pray but sometimes it is more a 'request or wish list to God' than good deeds. God, please bless my kid so that he recovers fast, please bless my husband so that he travels safely, please bless my family to be free from harm...if you notice, the word bless is almost as good as 'help me'. So, where's the good deed? I'm not saying that we should not ask for blessing but I think that we need to do more than that.

One thing I benefited from 'missing my resolution' is that I have created a sharper eye for good deeds within the ecosystem of my work life. Example, we can read the paper and once we see any plead for donation and we think it's genuine, let's write a cheque while it's still hot. Put some inspirational cd's in the car for some moments of coaching while stuck in a jam, look for a vegetarian restaurant around the office and encourage colleagues to go green once a week, surf the net during lunch for some organization who need help. You need not donate but you can definitely send the mail to people like me who are desperate. Spread news that you like to help needy people in the office and I'm sure some will come forward iwth some charitable organizations they know. Use your 'authority' to set a target for your staff to find you at least 1 opportunity per week and I'm sure they are happy to help out. As you can see, the list can continue!!

Since I miss my target so badly, I shall include this blog as one of my good deeds...if you don't mind :)

Passing Moment

2007-01-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

In our routine morning to work, be it in a bus or a car, we will have the same vision of things around us moving towards the back as we charge forward to our office. The same physics happen as we hed towards home. We could be so used to the view that it may even become a blind spot i.e. we don’t even notice it’s there again.

Most of us know that those are the ‘passing images’ and they do not belong to us. We will not cry because we lose it nor we crave their existence. However, many of us are not aware that life itself is a journey like a car trip and the views surrounding us are the events and people that we come across. The difference with the actual car trip is that we do crave for that view to stay and we do cry when those views are gone!

When we have a kid, the kid merely comes to the world through the mother and into our life. However, it is actually still a different car trip. It so happens that your kid’s car is moving next to you and hence you see your child as the view. However, we tend to think that the view belongs to us and crave for it to stay that way. The kid’s car next to us are next to us as long as the factors remain i.e. it could be a traffic jam, it could be two cars waiting at the traffic light or two cars parked together. But we need to know that once the factors are gone, a new view appears. And it will be so as long as our car is moving.

As for the emotional state, we must also know that a lot of events that we get involved in are also passing moments. We may be exceptionally angry with a subject, but that subject itself is also a passing moment just like the view from our car window. If we start to see that all these negative events are passing moments (i.e. very momentary), we may then ask ourselves whether it is worth the anger for such passing moments.

So, next time whether you are in a car trip, at a Japanese fastfood restaurant with the conveyor belt, air plane or jogging, remember that our view around us is merely a passing moment. What can we do? Treasure it if it’s good, don’t over-react if it’s bad because it is another passing moment.

You get what you ask for

2006-12-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

In a job interview, the one that controls the conversation is not the person who talks the most but the person who asks the most. By asking questions, the interviewer is able to direct the candidate’s energy to focus on areas that the interviewer wants to know.

Here, I’m not showing how to impress in an interview but trying to discuss how by asking the right questions, you can maneuver energy to the right direction. Yes, just by asking the correct questions. So it is not wrong to say that ‘if you ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers’ or more aptly in this topic, ‘if you ask stupid questions, you take stupid actions’

In an earlier blog, I briefly touched on ‘the power of asking the right questions’. There are many who are concerned that the economy bubble may burst in 2007. If we ask ‘since it burst in 87 and 97, and shouldn’t it burst in 2007?’ then the mind will answer either ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’. That’s because we have asked a close-ended question. If we ask ‘what shall we do if the economy burst in 2007?’ then the mind will try to list down the precaution steps to take. That’s because we tell the mind that the economy will burst and ask the mind to list down steps to take.

If we ask ‘if the economy will burst in 2007, how can I still be rich?’, then the mind now has to do a bit more work. The mind may tell you property is down and we can buy at lower price, the share market is down and probably it’s time to go in….If we then ask further, ‘which countries should we put our investment?’ Now the mind will think beyond the local country and look for alternatives in neighboring countries.

Isn’t it interesting how the smart-but-stupid mind works? Smart because it can provide many great answers. Stupid because if you do not ask correctly, it will not produce good results!

As a new practice, I suggest you now use questions as a starting point for your timely 2007 resolution. Don’t ask what you want to achieve in 2007. You probably have done that for many years and your resolution is still as good as new. Ask what state you want to be in 2007. If you’re bogged down by work, ‘don’t ask how can I free up my time’ that’s too mundane. You can either go one level up (i.e. something more holistic or nobler) or set more conditions in your questions.

Some example: How can I spend 3 days in my hobby per week despite my current work load? How can I work for less but still increase my pay by 30%? It may sound impossible at first. Have faith in your mind. It will produce some interesting results.

May 2007 be a great year!

Self praise is no praise, but self blame is true blame

2006-11-04T11:42:00.000+08:00

You and I have occasions where your friends talk about their predicament over a cup of coffee. After a long discussion, there appears to be no solution because whatever you suggest was quickly turned down by this friend with double the reasons. All reasons seem to be valid and hence, you felt it was better to keep quiet. Then, you guys hug each other and bid farewell and here goes another 'unsolved mystery'.

Going through some of these 'unsolved mysteries', I realize that there appears to be a very common trait. While in training, I learnt a technique that was usually able to smoke out the real reason. It's called the 5 whys. No, don't get it wrong that it is the typical where, what, when...It's much simpler than that. It is 5 whys. Yes, it is why, why, why, why why.

The technique simply suggests that you must ask the reason for an outcome and each time you have the reason, ask why again until you reach the 5th reason. By then, that is most probably the true reason. So, applying this 5Y technique to the predicament of my friends, it seems that all at the end of the day point out to 2 things. The 4th why is usually the 'fear of the unknown'. The 5th : ‘fear of blaming oneself'.

Fear of the unknown is bad. It's is even scarier than the scariest movie. It's another type of horror. Not those that give you nightmare, but horror that sabotages your system and make you fail to think logically. Each time you hit this level, your mind will shut down and tell you that 'do not go beyond this level'. How do you know you have hit this level? Simple. Just imagine that your spouse will leave you one day. What's the next reaction? If it is, 'I will commit suicide' then bingo...you know it.

See how simple the mind turns illogical and irrational suddenly? The reason why someone goes suicidal is because is they have no courage to see beyond that. They can't even tell themselves that 'ok, let me try to live for 1 month and if it's no good, I'll review my life'. Nah, never logical.

Many never dare to think of changing their job because of this fear. Many don't think of changing girlfriends because of this fear. Hence, the fear of the unknown is so powerful that it disallows you to THINK beyond that situation. And because you dare not think, hence there's no action.

The 5th element is ultimate. The fear of self blame. While the 4th tries to jam your system to think logically, the 5th element even stops those who manage to think logically. Self blame has been the mother of all change failures. It is so subconscious that we could have been doing it for years but still do not realize it.
Here are many examples:

How many times you have told yourself that when you have tried your best, it's ok if it doesn't work out. In other words, you don't have to blame yourself.
When you have locked all your doors and still it's broken into, that's God's will. In other words, don't blame yourself. You put your money in fixed deposit rather than into some other investments. The reason is that it is more conservative and safer even though you know that it may not be enough for you when you retire. The true reason: you don't want to blame yourself in case you lose your money in other investment.
Some people consult mentors, ex-colleagues and even mediums before they change jobs or get into a new business venture. Why? Due to collective wisdom, the decision to change seems to be the right reason. If it doesn't work well, then no one is to blame because everyone thinks it’s right.

The ultimate test is to ask ourselves, what is so wrong in taking responsibilities? What's so wrong in blaming ourselves? Why not just apologize to yourself and move on. I know straight away, someone may protest that if they do blame themselves, they will never be able to come back to their normal self again. Sound familiar? It is the 4th why in action. Fear of the unknown. But do be aware that there are people who have a habit of ‘blaming themselves’. That is another category I call ‘it has to be painful to be meaningful’. See my earlier blogs for details.

Back to self blame, there's this joke which demonstrates how we could have handled a situation without much effort but yet it’s so difficult. In America, when someone farts, they say excuse me. In England, when someone farts, they say pardon me. In Malaysia, when someone farts, what do they say? NOT ME!

Retiring or tiring?

2006-10-29T17:40:00.000+08:00

What's the same? Both can be tiring. But, one give you less tiring future while the other sucks your energy away.

When I was still under employment, I made a point that I must continue with my personal development amidst my busy schedule demanded by my job. While that was a right thing to do in my opinion, I did not realize that I have overlooked one more important aspect - personal wealth. The recent event of me not under employment opens up my mind on the importance of personal wealth. There's this book that I have been reading that manage to throw some light and challenges into my own retirement plan.

Here are the questions that may make us think again about our retirement plan.

1. Well, to start with, do we plan to save sufficient money by certain age & then stop working and slowly chew this retirement fund? If this is the case, we are planning to be poor. Why not we make sure this fund is big enough to take care of itself and because of that it gives us money every day so that you can retire?

2. Some of us save our money in mutual funds and are assured by financial advisors that the fund value is projected to double in 10 years time. Ask ourselves one honest question, how much control do we really have over this growth? None actually except that we can sell or buy. Don't we think it's risky to leave our savings in the hand of market forces & all we can do is buy, hold & pray?

3. For those who applaud point 2 & proudly claim that 'that's why I put my money in fixed deposit!', think again too. We work hard to earn our money. But then when we have the money, we let our money sort off 'retire' in FD instead of making the money work harder for us. Who's the master here? You or your money? By the way, how many of our earlier generation saves & saves for retirement and until today, still looks a bit screwed up financially or are still leading a mediocre life?

Well, if everything seems to be lousy, tell me what to do, einstein??!! The key word here is 'leverage'. Leverage in physics simply demonstrates how you can use less effort to lift a heavy object if you can find yourself a stone and a long pole. The longer the pole, the more the leverage.

Step #1
Hence, the first step is to understand our own leverage in our own environment. For a person which has more spare time. time naturally becomes the leverage. For those in IT, knowledge will be the leverage. For those who want to pursue training and consultancy at a younger age, age and energy become the leverage. Some guys know more people than others. That's a leveragable network. Like a kungfu master which can transform everything around him as weapon, we too can look around us and develop something as a leverage.

Step #2
However, leverage only provides us the 'machine' but without the manual and the key, we don't know how to operate this machine to make money. So, come along with leverage is another key word called 'context'. Context is something like a pail that keeps our contents (reality). If we do not expand the pail, we could not expand our own world. When we expand our context, we actually trying to learn more about a subject and our reality naturally expands in this subject. Remember that what we think is real becomes our reality. If you think earning a million a year is real, that becomes a reality to you. If you think investment is risky, that becomes your reality too. But how do we expand our context?

Step #3
You expand your context by asking the right questions. You probably have heard,"ask, and you shall receive". But to expand your context, you must "ask the RIGHT questions and you shall receive the RIGHT answers". A small example that I use quite often nowadays. If you ask, "if the economy is down in '87 and '97, then 2007 shall be a downturn too?". Your mind will answer 'Yes''. Questione is satisfactorily answered but unfortunately context is not expanded at all. If you ask,"what I need to do if 2007 is a down turn?" Your mind will naturally answer "don't spend too much, save for rainy days". Question is satisfactorily answered as well BUT context is stil not expanded.

Now, ask this question,"How can I make more money in 2007 if economy is down?" Your mind will now pause for a while to look for more answers as this question is now more challenging. The answer finally comes, "Save more now. Be prepared to buy better property deals next year" Here, I'm not demonstrating that property is the way to go. But you can see from these questions, the answers are all good answers but vary depending on HOW you ask.

Step #4
Well, if you have the context, the leverage and the way, what's left? Your Plan. How to plan is totally a different subject. But I'm very sure all of us know how to plan. Many times, it is not the plan that fail us but we fail ourselves. So rather than talk about how to plan (which most of us know), I'll keep it simple to a few points why we fail ourselves.

First, it is not painful enough. In other words, the pain of not changing is less painful than the pain of changing. So what happen? We become a 'dragon'. We drag-on. How long ago in the past and for how long in the future are we going to repeat these same bloody words "there's a long holiday coming!" and then not long after that followed by "how nice if the holiday can be longer!" So, think of all the negative elements you have now and instead of using them to kill your holiday mood, use them as dried branches to start a fire to boil your emotion, until it's painful enough for you to change. Once you are at that stage, planning becomes natural.

Second, it is about self-blame. What if I fail? What if people call me stupid? All this will go away if the first point is painful enough. So will be 3rd and 4th if any...

Step #5
However, once you are boiling with passion to change because it's now painful enough, you must see where you are going to and how the end results will make you the happiest person in the world. With this vision, you are then no longer motivated by pain but by pleasure. Imagine this: You don't wait for holidays but you DECLARE your own holiday!

So, what do you do? Check you retirement plan to make sure that it is still a good plan. If there are some concerns or a lot of your plans are based on hope rather than facts, than you need to increase the SPEED of your plan. To increase the speed is to leverage. You will find the right leverage if your leverage can answer this simple question, "How can I do what I do for more people with less work and for a better price?"

Happy leveraging and retiring!!

August of My Life

2006-09-09T11:00:00.000+08:00

August appeared to be a very interesting part of my life. I managed to get myself one month of vacation in Toronto anda as I was about to overcome my jetlag there, my cancer friend's sister called up and announced that he passed away. On the day I left Toronto, Rev. Dhamananda, the chief monk of Brickfields Temple in Malaysia, passed away. Perhaps this series of events is what I have been taught all this while - transient are all wordly matters!!?? Anyway, gained some, lost some but life must go on.

I dedicate this blog to Hee Boon, my coursemate, friend, truth seeker and listener of my crazy ideas. May he be well and happy!

Hee Boon was stricken by cancer a year back and as usual, he was a positive persopn and looked at things in a tue 'ehipassiko' spirit i.e. come and see (undersand) There is no dogma but only facts and logic to support all beliefs. He blogged his views and experience and I learnt a lot from it. In fact, the blogging idea for me was inspired by him.

Below is what I have learnt from him which I would like to share with all readers : Make meaning.

Events happen. We can debate that it is happening for a reason, or some prefer to view it as a random process. Whichever the case, that is always partially or totally beyond our control because there are so many factors affecting those events.

HOWEVER, there is one area that is within our control all the time which is how we make meaning out of this event. In other words, our intepretation of that event. Our house could be burglarred. We can inteprete in many ways : stupid country, stupid lock or stupid luck. But we can also think of it as 'well, I just realized my security system is not good enough which I need to improve. And perhaps I should buy insurance to cover for burglary too'. The intepretations with 'a lot of stupid' will usually result in us not doing anything but feeling angry with almost everything. The latter meaning on the other hand, spur us into action. Forget about the past and how to improve.

Hence, for every single event, we can choose to make the meaning we want out of it. No wonder someone told me that 'he chooses happiness'!

An anology to making meaning is how we frame a picture. Try get a picture especially one with many elements in it. Cut a hole in a piece of paper and run this 'frame' through the pictures. You will notice that as we browse, we see a pix within a pix. The picture is just like an event that has happened. Our mind will never capture the whole picture (because it is changing all the time) but when we make meaning, we are capturing the part that we want it to represent the pix. Voila! you have made meaning.

For Hee Boon's berievement, I interprete it as:

'Anything can happen. Treasure what we have now'
'Life is more than work. We must continue to upgrade our understanding on life'
'Use Hee Boon's blogs as examples when talking about learning life'.

For those interested, you can check 'fhbadventure.blogspot.com'.

Tradition is also technology

2006-07-16T11:13:00.000+08:00

Every day, tourists visit famous spots from The KL Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur to the Hoover Dam in Las Vegas, snapping photographs to be part of human progess in technology. But do you know that about 1000 years ago, tourists then also visited hot sites like Great Wall of China and The Aztec City because of its technology? Wait a minute, I thought we are talking about technology and if yes, how come we have lsot cities and great walls? Aren't those historical sites?

Well, this is the point I want to make. History and technology are actually the same thing but only different from the time dimension. The National Science Center is the sequel of the Museum and the Museum is the prequel of National Science Center. Again, the difference is only time.

In another 1000 years to come, The KL Twin Towers will be viewed as another historial site like the Great Wall of China. Now, if you could still live by then, would you call that technology or history? Well, both are right.

If you agree to the above, then we should have the same mindset for tradition and the traditional ways of doing things. People tend to take tradition as a way of the past. And worse than that, there are traditionists who go all out to preserve the tradition. But tradition, just like history, is alive and it keeps changing. On the health part, a lot of traditionists believe that the best way for living has been discovered thousand of years ago and hence modernizing any part of it is viewed as 'adulterating' the ancient art. To many Chinese, the tea drinking is a tradition where special earth pots are used and the way tea is brewed strictly follows a set of steps. We may be proud of this tradition but again, don't forget that the tea pot and the way of brewing tea were actually TECHNOLOGY that the Chinese were proud of 1000 years ago!

So, put it simply, tradition is merely a 'state of technology'. It is evolving and plays different roles in different eras of time. In the next 100 years, blog could be the traditional way of communicating as by then, nobody writes anymore...it's all about talking or talknology!!

Spend you are poor, don't spend you are poor too

2006-05-06T13:03:00.000+08:00

Talking nonsense? Perhaps. But let me give you a scenario. Imagine that you suddenly realize that your uncle has included in his will 1 million dollars for you but he is now 60. Fortune tellers confirm that he will live up to 110 years. You are 40 now and that means you could only inherit that 1 million at age of 90 years, do you FEEL like a millionaire now?

The answer is mostly likely you don't have such feeling because you cannot access that fortune. The same goes with our own money and assets. If you do not ‘consume’ it, it is as good as not having in a way.

Hence, we must know how to differentiate between acquiring fortune and acquiring richness. Acquiring fortune simply means that we work hard to get more and more money. By doing so, we are able to keep more money for rainy days which of course is very important. But any savings beyond this point is going to be quite meaningless as it becomes your ‘uncle’s fortune’. It gives you a good feeling of assurance but apart from that, you do not benefit.

‘Acquiring richness’ to me simply means we try to acquire assets but without compromising quality of life. In other words, while we save, we also spend accordingly to improve quality of life. The principles that to be balanced here are ‘money for raining days’ and ‘leading a quality life’ without having assets stuck in ‘uncle’s property’.

Imagine we have a pay rise. Besides saving for the rainy days, why not also budget a bit for upgrading your internet service from dial-in to broadband? (If you need speed of course). Instead of cursing in a jam, use the highway with toll payment instead? Instead of worrying about getting a summon for illegal parking, park in a shopping mall perhaps? If you are in a stressful urban life like mine, these are little things that can help alleviate your suffering. By the way, it’s cheaper than treating hypertension for sure.

Well, the choice is ours. It’s a delicate balance between saving for rainy days and spending for quality life. If the worry is that there may not be enough for the next generation, may be my point of view can give some perspective:

a) maximize your death – we all know that death is certain. Buy insurance to cover it so that you use your money and your kids use your insurance money!
b) The best gift for the children is giving them education – not only in technical term like a college degree but AS WELL AS management skills such as how to manage money, manage time and manage LIFE!

Truth is painful

2006-04-10T11:39:00.000+08:00

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not talking about guys who cannot accept the truth because it’s too painful to acknowledge. Here, I’m talking about it in the literal sense i.e. ‘how can it be wrong when it’s so painful?’

This comment may sound silly on the surface but if we drill down further, we may notice that some of us do that some of the time while the rest do it all the time!

Do you recall any of these scenarios?
1. This drug is out of stock but I manage to get it via my friend. It has to be good right?
2. I took 6 months to make a decision to buy a new house. How can it be wrong when I took so much time to decide?
3. We broke off and came back in this yo-yo relationship for 10 years. She has to be the right one since we have made so many sacrifices.
4. I worked very hard for this company. What I am today is what I deserve
5. I have applied for this position 5 times and finally I got it. It is destined!
6. I paid a fortune for my kid to study in this school. How can it be a wrong school?

These are some examples of how pain makes something feel so right. But while it is true that a lot situations require sacrifices and hard work, don’t forget that there are situations where we don’t have to. In fact, when we do something with too many sacrifices, its' good to take one step back and ask ourselves if the strategy is right in the first place.

I have seen friends who suffer in their job but somehow they feel right because it’s so painful. While it sounds ‘meaningful’ enough to stay on, but my view was that my friend’s and his company’s required competencies do not match. For example, the company may want staff to take calculated risks, but the value of this friend is ‘protect company’s interest is rule no.1”. It’s no one’s fault but just a mismatch.

Well, take some of those works you are doing now which requires a lot of sacrifice. I know it is meaningful and justified, but just take a look again and see if you feel so right because of its value or because it’s painful. May be a right strategy will ease the situation.

Superstitiously confident?

2006-02-09T17:20:00.000+08:00

I'm about to move to a new house. As a person growing up in a culture enriched with superstition, it's hard not to notice those elements around the house that may obstruct the 'chi' to flow freely in the house. So, there's always this tendency to neutralize those elements and the temptation to consult a master.

While the heart supports this proposition, the logical mind is as quickly to reject as it does not make much sense and the need to answer the ultimate question 'are you going to follow exactly what the master will advice you?? Even if you think it's a lousy recommendation from an ergonomic perspective?!'

After much thinking, I feel that both, ignoring those elements or consulting a geomancer is nothing more than a means to an end. It's just a method...a method that's used to increase confidence.

I think that when a person has the full confidence, it will attract good 'chi' and 'good chi' will beget more 'good chi'.

Hence, consulting a geomancer is basically boosting our confidence level and in that hyped state, we see the positive side of every event. And guess what? We see a solution.

So, when a person who consults a geomancer has done what is required, he too becomes confident and that confidence will lead to a positive mind...and hence positive energy. This is not only limited to geomancy. We sometimes also have our ‘lucky tie’ or ‘lucky pen’ which we believe give us the luck. It’s about boosting confidence as well. In NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), it’s called ‘anchoring’ which means trying to use an object, sound or action that can link a person back to that ‘great feeling’ he once has.

So, should we be superstitious? Go ahead if it can make you more confident. But my advice is not to be over-dependent so that without it, your confidence will not fall like a ton of bricks! To me, it’s still best to have the basic confidence in oneself that can be controlled within. Then, take your ‘lucky pen’ as bonus confidence booster. In this way, we are secured.

So, ladies and gentlemen, it's all about confidence at the end of the day.

Where are we rushing to ?

2005-12-09T14:48:00.000+08:00

Mary was awakened by a large shout. "hey, quick! Before anyone gets all the petrol." With blurry eyes, Mary woke up and wearily got off from the car. She went to the convenient store to get some bread and drinks while her husband , Sim, frantically filled the car with petrol. Behind their car was easily another five cars. Petrol price increase? Perhaps. By the time Mary came out from the shop, Sim was already behind the wheel, ready to hit the road again.

As they sped off, Mary pulled out food from a white plastic bag and shared with her family. About 6 hours later, they pulled over to another petrol station. Mary cautioned Sim to slow down as she knew there was a pothole nearby this station that was as huge as a wok. How could she ever know about it? A deja vu? No. She was here last year.

In fact, Mary had been doing that for the last 30 years, only that she was younger then and it was their parents that were rushing. Where was she rushing? She had no ideas, but just like others, rushing to get more petrol. But to where? Absolutely no idea too. She had been plying the route plotted with a few hundreds petrol stations in circles for the last 30 years and was prepared to do so till she died. But why she did it? She wasn’t prepared to know.

This could be another show of the mysterious 'twilight zone' TV series which challenged the mind to think. But unfortunately it is not. It is what billions of people are doing every day. We tried to get more petrol (money) to fuel our journey (life) but yet not many are sure where we're rushing to. We could see many people around us doing the same and so how could it be wrong??!! So, a lot of people ended up moving in circles and cycles. Birth & death, resignation & new jobs, disease & health, budgets & reviews, winning and losing, gains & losses...

We are doing our best to maintain the 'course'. But where is this 'course' leading you? If it's a happy-go-lucky ride all the time, then at least we can say 'we ain't going anywhere coz it's great here'. But most of the times, it's not. Despite the pain, we convince ourselves ‘that's the way to do it’. It will get us where we want.’ Yes, but where???

Unless we know where we are rushing to, there is really no meaning in this rushing. We must be able to differentiate between a goal and a method. We work hard because that’s a ‘method’ to get money. But getting money is not the goal. What do you intend to do with the money? Do you ‘re-invest’ into the course to get more money? If that’s the case, it is still the method and not the goal!

‘Where are we going?’ is a profound question that is not easy to answer. To find a purpose for life can be a search of a life time. But not only that…it also varies by individuals.

But for those who want a suggestion, may I humbly share my strategy:

I do not know where I want to go to because my mind is unclear
My mind is unclear because there is too much distraction
I need better focus to avoid such distractions
By then, my mind will be clear and naturally I’ll see the tangent to this cycle…and get out of it!

Simply put, it means:

‘Do good, avoid evil, purify your mind’

The Relationship of ‘C’ – based on a true story

2005-11-14T04:04:00.000+08:00

Being a relatively more analytical person, I almost analyze anything and relationship is not exception. What is interesting is that as I go through the stages of my relationship with my wife, from classmates to husband and wife, I am quite amazed that every stage of our relationship begins with the letter ’C’. I even observe friends’ relationship and realized that they go through the same stage as mine too. Perhaps as you continue reading, yours fall into the same pattern…

Common. When we first get attracted to someone, we always talk about common things. It could be a common interest, a common gym, a common workplace and most of the time, we talk about ‘other people’ and events that are commonly known. If those guys seem to click with each other, then move on the stage to…

Confession. This is the time when things get a bit intimate (not physically though!) Your partner starts telling you things that you did not ask i.e. confessing. She may tell you about her past dark side, and you may tell her about your failed relationship or abusive parent. If you are at this stage, be clear about what you want as this is where a boyfriend-girlfriend thing usually starts. Once the relationship sparks, wow, then the 1st 2 weeks are like heaven on earth! The world is bright and shining and even pain seems to be more beautiful! What’s my advice? Make full use for it as rain is about to pour…

Control. What comes after bright sky? Yes, rain of course. This is the time when both try to influence each other. Your girlfriend may tell you that your hairstyle is outdated. You may find her using the word ‘hate’ excessively. This is the time that makes or breaks a relationship. For those who sacrifice in the name of love, they will endure this torrential rain of nagging but it has to be both parties. Otherwise, this is the beginning of the ending. From control, it can go to conflict.
Let’s say you bring enough umbrellas for this weather…

Compromise. This is when you have 10 ‘should do’ but are willing to cut down to 5 if your girlfriend agrees to comply. You, on the other hand, agree to follow 5 of your girlfriends ‘must have’. Not happy but okay. Life can go on. While the big rain is gone, there are scattered intermittent showers from time to time. This usually happens when your girlfriend’s best mate asks her why your belly is getting bigger and your girlfriend will reply ‘aaah, that guy just doesn’t listen. Keep going out with his gang of lousy friends whose average waist is 38 inches!’. Don’t laugh yet okay. You are the same too. You will sit together with your fatty friends and see some gorgeous ladies at the store with long silky hair. There you go mumbling “I always tell my girlfriend that long hair is the universal beauty but she keeps her hair short like a tomboy!” Anyway, life goes on…

Commitment. This word is usually received with some trauma by men. Anyway, this is the time when the turbulence is over and things move the same way day-in-day-out. To create some excitement out of this monotonous life, you or your partner suddenly have this brilliant idea called “let’s get married”! Some are not impulsive though. Some are well planned. For these, it is not a sudden spark of idea but a well conceived plan from Day One. They will utter something short but with very deep meaning that you can find an excuse to avoid. “It’s time”. There goes the wedding plan. You plan all the way until you can even tell what flowers you want to use that day. But ask a question beyond that big day, it is a brief “don’t know”. You plan to have kids? DK. You guys going for honeymoon. DK. Then comes the big party where half of the people that attend the weeding you also DK.

Confusion. One way or another, we manage to get over the hangover of the word ‘wedding’ and got back into life. New house, new bed, new bills but same spouse? As there are no plans earlier what will happen after wedding, naturally there is just a big wide space right in front of you. Well, some talk to others and manage to develop some sort of plan to move forward. Others prefer self-discovery and are still self-discovering after 5 years! But I have to say some are more unfortunate. They branch out to the ‘condemned avenue and are stuck for the rest of their waking hours. For those who don’t, somehow they will soon upgrade to the next stage…

Contentment. It’s not because everything turns out in the way you want it to be, but because whether it is good or bad, you seem to ‘like’ it! It’s like nature-lovers who appreciate the beauty of mountains and disasters of seas. It has a deeper meaning than just feeling good about an event. It is a more profound respect and peace for nature….’come what may, I’m here to stay’ attitude you got there! Fully confident, I’m eager to upgrade to the next stage. But I cannot report further until I pass this stage.

I’m sure there are many C’s lie ahead for life is a big learning institution. Could it be contagious? Perhaps conspicuous? Or even condemned?? Well, let’s find out!

So what? Now what?

2005-10-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

‘So what’ and ‘now what’ are probably the 2 simplest ways to check if what you are doing is really really what you want. Why is it that knowing what you really want is important? It ensures that you do not waste all your effort and time only to find out that what you have achieved is not what you want at the finish line. For this, the ‘so what’ question will help. What about ‘now what’. This is the next question that you need to ask yourself after you cross the finish line.

An example to exemplify the importance of ‘so what’ can be found in a Chinese proverb called ‘she gong hao long’, simply translated as ‘she gong the dragon fanatic’

She Gong is a rich guy that lived in the olden days of China. He is so mesmerized with dragons that his house, robes and paintings are all about dragons. One day, the Dragon King was passing by and was completely flattered by She Gong’s admiration for dragons. To appreciate this, Dragon King decided to pay him a visit and personally thank him. So, he transformed himself into a dragon and paid She Gong a visit. The moment She Gong saw him, She Gong was so terrified that he immediately fainted in his garden. What happened? She Gong thought he liked dragons so much but when faced with a real dragon, he realized that dragons were not really what he wanted!

This store exemplifies a lot about our dream jobs, dream house and dream life. We may think that is what we really want and hence, day and night, we work hard to get there. To a lot of people who are in this fix, most of us realize that when we achieve what we want, all of a sudden we ask ourselves, “hey…how come I don’t feel great about it?” In other words, we become She Gong!

In order to avoid this, it is very important that we continue to ask ourselves a very basic question of ‘so what?’ Some of us want to achieve financial freedom by Year 2010. While it may sound good, we need to further ask ‘so what when we have financial freedom?’ ‘Well, then I don’t have to pay loans anymore!’ So? ‘Err…I can buy more things!’ ‘Doesn’t that get you back into a loan state again?’ Err…

Some may want to retire early. Again, the same question, “so what if you can retire by 45 years old?” Then I can wake up late everyday! So what if you can wake up late? Err…then I am less stressful. So? Then I achieve better health. So? Err…

Please don’t get me wrong that financial freedom and early retirement are not good. But what I’m saying is that we need to check again and again to make sure that is what we really really want. If it is, then go ahead. If you are not sure, then check further to see if within your dream, there is another ‘hidden dream’.

Now, let’s say that you pass the ‘so what’ test. You know exactly what you want. Then you are ready for the 2nd test :”Now what?” When you have achieved what you want, always remember that life does not stop there (stopping there will be really unlucky right?). So, where do you want to move from there onwards? I have friends who are always very focused on what they want in their career. They can spell out to you that they aim to be a Marketing Manager or Financial Controller in 5 years’ time. You ask the ‘so what’ question and they can reply you with 10 good reasons to do so. Well, sounds good. They are very focused in their dream job, picking up the right networking and learn the right skills.

Then after 5 years, not surprising they achieve what they want. They celebrate and then tell their juniors how focus and perseverance get them to where they are today. Unfortunately, the celebration is short-lived because they suddenly realize that they were so technically good at their position…but that’s about all. They can’t move to a higher position such as General Manager due to lack of competency in other areas. As a result, they either stay where they are or they start learning other skills. Simply put, they do check their ‘so what’ question but have not checked ‘now what’. Simply put, ‘focus gets you where you want to go fast but also get stuck fast!’ A Ferrari gets you to the traffic jam faster!

So, it’s important to make sure that we don’t just aim to climb the mountain, but also think of what we want to do after that. Otherwise, the next step is only going down the hill!

Thinking Beyond The Box

2005-09-20T02:33:00.000+08:00

Wah..another management jargon! Not enough with 'out of the box' it seems.

Well, ‘thinking beyond the box’ is actually much much easier than thinking out of the box. It doesn't require us to think hard or creatively but just the courage to think beyond the results of our actions or inactions. In other words, we ask ourselves 'so what if that's going to happen?'

A little personal experience I have is when I applied for my daughter's birth cert. I was told that I needed to register within 7 days from birth date or else I'll be fined. I was extremely busy then and so on the 6th day, I forced myself to take a day off to secure my daughter's citizenship, not without a lot of grumbling.

Off I went the next day, stressed out by many questions the night before, evolving around 'what will happen if I didn't manage to get the birth cert?' ‘Will my daughter lose her citizenship?’

Luckily, the registration went extremely smoothly and I got my daughter's birth cert within 5 minutes! The government can be really efficient! Anyway, in that ecstatic mode, I asked the officer how much the fine was if I were late. The lady told me for the first 30 days they will fine RM5. What!?? Only RM5?? All of a sudden, I realized that all the stress and 'what if' were not worth that RM5!

What did I learn? That’s right. I did not think 'beyond' the fine. I treated the fine as the ultimate result and hence work on my decisions and planning before this point. Simply put, I didn't think ‘beyond the box.’

A lot of people have fear of snakes. But many don't ask ,'so what will happen if there's a snake?' Some fear retrenchment at work but failed to ask 'so what if I'm retrenched?' I don't have income, idiot!. So? I need to use my saving to meet commitment, fool! So? It will only last 6 months, you moron! So? I need to find a job before then, Einstein! Aha! So the real issue is that the reserves are only 6 months and the guy needs to find a job by then. Now, what can he do? Well, he can beef up his savings, expand his network and upgrade his skills.

While it may sound oversimplified, ‘thinking beyond the box’ takes away unnecessary anxiety from the idea of retrenchment. At least, the mind is able to focus on plans and actions that have real impact in a real world.

So, next time you face an issue and are horrified by its possible ending, don’t stop there. Ask yourself that one last question ‘so what?’

A pre-empt for the next blog. Now that you are introduced to ‘so what’, the next question is naturally ‘now what?’. For that, watch out for the next blog.

I want! I want!

2005-09-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

For those who have kids, this phrase reminds us of the weekends and school holidays when they are literally terrorizing the home. But, do notice that small kids almost never use the phrase ‘I have to’? It’s always either ‘I want to’ or ‘I don’t want to’.

I believe that when we say ‘I want’, we are subconsciously telling what our emotion desires. In other words, there’s a passion for something and we are ready to put effort to get it. When we say ‘I have to’, it is more of the logical mind that’s doing the talking. It may not be the thing that we like to do, but needs to be done for whatever reasons, be it professionalism, fear or habit.

Recently, I started observing conversations among adults. I notice that my subjects have replaced ‘I want’ with ‘I have to’ significantly. Almost all the things we do are ‘I have to’! Look at these common sentences:

I have to finish this report before lunch
I have to go back early today because my wife is sick
I have to baby sit this weekend
And the ultimate: I have to clear my leave!! What a noble act… clear leave!

We sound so victimized….

We humans have the capability to choose the emotion we want to feel. We have the power to make meaning out of a situation. If people say ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ then it’s the same to say ‘Meaning is in the eyes of the beholder’. How you make meaning out of a situation is at the end of the day, what emotions you choose to feel.

Back to the examples of ‘I have to’,. Isn’t it lovelier if we can say:

I want to finish this report before lunch so that it will never bother me again
I want to go back early to take care of my poor wife
I want to play with my babies this weekend
I want to go on holidays!

How beautiful all of a sudden in the world of ‘I want’. We suddenly sound as if we are in control, we are getting what we want, we are enjoying ourselves.

But why we use ‘I have to’ so often? Many reasons. It makes us look more matured perhaps; we are seen to be more logic-driven and less emotionally driven. It’s blame-free perhaps since we did not choose but was forced by the situation to do it. We stop liking things perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

There’s just no passion for anything. We long forget about aspiration. We want to be blame-free and we end up in a situation that we do not like but yet still blame the environment instead of ourselves. We want to maintain status quo and refuse to learn and as a result, the world passes us by. We then blame the world for deserting us while it was actually us who deserted the world.

So, how can we change from a 'hunted' to a 'hunter'? Try this little exercise today. How many ‘I have to’ can we replace with ‘I want’? Here are a few practical examples:

a) I want to wake up at 6 tomorrow morning to be punctual
b) I want to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight
c) I want to go on holidays in September
d) I want to buy a new watch this weekend

You help the best when you help nothing at all...

2005-08-21T01:58:00.000+08:00

Does the above title sound familiar? It's picked up from the romantic song by Ronan Keating (with some modification, of course). So, the best help is when you are not helping!

Some point in our lives, we have tried to help others before and there are times we learnt the painful lesson of help goes unappreciated. May be we even tell ourselves, "Ah, forget about helping. That guy doesn't even utter a little thank you."

Well, if that situation happens, that means you may have given such noble help and strange enough (but yet true), it goes unnoticed and hence unappreciated. More confusing? Well, here’s the explanation.

There is a noble saying “If you give a person a fish, it will last a day. If you teach them to fish, they will fish for a lifetime.” In other words, helping someone to develop the skills to solve problems should be the best help. Yes, I fully agree but (yes, there's always a 'but') will the guy appreciate it? Most likely not. That's because if the guy thinks that a problem is solved using his own skill, he may attribute that to his skill but not necessarily to your help to mold that skill. In other words, it goes unnoticed. So on the Top 40 countdown, helping people to avoid problems is the least noticed and hence the least appreciated.

2nd most appreciated help is when you are literally seen lending a hand to a friend. This guy, once the problem is solved will 'thank you for your help'.

The most appreciated help, yes, no.1 on the countdown, is when you didn’t help to solve a problem at all and that is called ‘lending a shoulder’!! What??

Well, here's the truth. A friend is sobbing because her father has just passed away. Feeling sorry and yet knowing you can't bring back her father, you pick up some lines from some movies like 'well, that's how nature is', 'we got to be strong and carry on', and even lend a shoulder for the friend to cry on. Guess what?? You probably get a hand-written thank you letter signed off with 'you are a true friend indeed'. What have you solved actually? Not sure. Did you resurrect his father? Definitely no.

Then 10 years later, during her 30th birthday and someone asks her to give a speech, she may still say ‘I’m glad I have so many friends that helped me over the years and you are one of them!” Yeah…recognition for not helping much.

So, when we start helping others especially those that teach friends to fish, do be prepared that your help may not go noticed. But again, should we help then or may be it is more ‘cost-efficient’ to just lend a shoulder? It all depends on your objective. Here is a little test that you can do to determine:

You hear some crying in a drain. As you approach it, you see a dog trying to get out of it. Out of compassion, you help it to get out. When the dog is safely out, it bites your hand and run away. Now, what emotions do you CHOOSE to feel? Feel angry because that bloody dog does not appreciate your help OR feel happy the dog is finally safe?

If you are choosing anger, then your ultimate objective of helping is actually to get ‘appreciated help’. If you choose happiness, then your intention is to safe the dog.

So, what’s your choice?

The power of 'mixing with the right group'

2005-08-04T08:42:00.000+08:00

Part 1
I do spend time in the bookstore often and there is this book of everyday motivational phrases. One of the phrases reads: 'if you want to be youthful, stay useful'!

I find this phrase so inspiring that it should be my guide when I reach 50 (of course, I think I'm quite useful now). This powerful phrase has become my weapon each time I see a person above 50. Each time I tell them this phrase, I could see the resonance and each time, I enjoyed seeing the eyes of these guys sparkle...except one retired golf guy.

Part 2
He said, 'Kua, you are right to say that we should stay useful in order to be youthful. I have one more strategy to share...'

After his revelation, I realized that it were my eyes that sparkle! What was so inspiring? Here it is: 'In order to stay young, stay with the young!'
That is so true that we can even use this mantra now, not when we reach 50. It is all about benchmarking actually. When we mix with friends who are religious, we suddenly want to be more religious. When we spend more time with health-conscious friends, we suddenly talk more about health too.

Apart from talking more on the subjects among our friends, there is another important reason to do so. Our expectation becomes higher and surprisingly, our body will respond to this new demand! That's no magic but just about 'our body responding to our new target'. What is one bombastic term used by trainers for this phenomenon? Yes...mindpower! Another term? Yes...mentoring! Another? No, not mixing. Yes! Benchmarking.

So, let's look around us. Are we behaving like our close friends? Is that good? If yes, continue. Are there any areas you want to improve on but the current standard among your friends are lower or equal to yours? If yes, it's time to look for more friends in this area. Very soon, our expectation is raised and naturally, our mind and body will respond to the new standards!

Why should we be contented just because we only have hypertension while our friends have both hypertension and diabetes? Why not we ask ourselves how can we be as fit as our young friends?

So, it all boils down to 'mixing with the right group' or more aptly put, 'the power of mixing with the right group'

Happy befriending!

Solving Solutions?

2005-07-19T05:08:00.000+08:00

The title does sound funny, redundant or probably non-sensical! However, there's a reason for it and this is usually a case of us being so deep in the woods that we see the trees but not the forest itself.

For example, I bought a new house and need money to renovate. Because I need to renovate, I need to sell off some of my shares. But the price is not the best yet. I spoke to an expert in stock markets and he asked me to meet him in 2 week's time to discuss. But I will be traveling by then and he offered to email me his comments instead. But my personal mail is currently down and so I need to use my phone. But I don't know how to activate my MMS and am now trying to solve the mms problem. I called my service provider a few times but the line has always been busy.

Now, what is my actual problem? Service provider, MMS, email, traveling, share price, money or renovation? It could be either one or it could even be all the above.

So, you can see how easy we can get lost in this jungle of events if we are not careful or don’t take time to map and review the series of events.

So, it is aptly to say that sometimes we are trying to 'solve the solution instead of the problem'!!

So, each time we are stuck in a situation, start mapping the events. Ask ourselves what the real issue is to verify if we are trying to solve a problem or solve a ‘solution’. If it's the solution that we are trying to solve, then go back up the map to see what options we can replace for this solution. If no options available, move up one more level. You will be amazed that sometimes we are barking at the wrong tree or looking for an answer in the wrong place. Don't be surprised suddenly someone says to you that ‘hey! You are thinking out of the box!’

As for my renovation case, it’s neither one of the above reasons I have listed. I prefer to treat it as a renovation timing problem and has postponed my renovation for another 4 weeks!
So, let's start solving problems, not solutions!

Maintaining or rotting?

2005-07-12T05:48:00.000+08:00

What happen if you leave your car for 2 weeks without driving? It most likely won't start. Keep your leather bags for 6 months in a cupboard and again most likely it goes moldy. Stop using your brain for 10 years? Well...mmm...let's not get into that.

The interesting point here is that 'if you don't use something for a long time, it doesn't mean it remains new. Instead, it rots!!'

It's the same for a car, a bag or a skill. So, when we keep polishing our skills, sometimes we are only maintaining our standard only from rrrrotting.

However, a lot of people have the impression that if we don’t do anything, we are maintaining at where we are...a dangerous misconception indeed!

When we see some experienced colleagues or friends that refuse to upgrade their skills, refuse to change their attitude, refuse to know more, so what’s gonna happen? Slowly but surely, they will rot. So, it is true and also sad to say that ‘maintaining is actually rotting.’

But is that all? Nope, there are more rotting news unfortunately. Not moving anywhere also causes rotting. For a lot of school leavers as well as middle age people, sometimes we do not know where we should be heading in our life. Some of us are busy developing options in this limbo but there are some who will just hang around, enjoying the bliss of ‘que sera sera’. For those who only hang around, it may very well be another form of rotting too!

So, open the window of your heart. Let the fresh air gush into the room and replace the stale rotting air. Open your brain too. Let the creative juice flow in to replace the expired stagnant cholesterol!

I-see-I-saw

2005-06-30T02:20:00.000+08:00

It's quite amazing to see a series of happy and sad events happening in less than 2 months.

It started with my father-in-law diagnozed for cancer. He passed away 4 weeks ago and exactly 7 days later, my colleague got married. Then for exactly 7 days again, my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl! All in all, I saw sickness, death, wedding and birth. (could this be the new version of the 4 sights that Buddha saw?)

Is this a cycle? Would sickness be the next thing to happen again? I'm not sure about that. But one thing I can be very sure of is that there will always be a mixture of happy and sad events. And above all else, what I'm even more sure of is that what we are happy about today can be the very reason why we are sad tomorrow.

Simply put, every event comes neutral. But with our own perspective, we generate an emotion out of it. This emotion can be so strong that we manage to keep the bad side of the event out of the picture for the time being.

When we celebrate a birth, there has to be death. And death is in itself a new beginning of another event. Hence, it's not really negative when we think of the bad side but it's more of thinking NEUTRAL.

By thinking neutral, we still can continue to be happy, not so much because we forget there is a sad part to it but more because we appreciate the event and capture the moment. Above that, we are happy because we are able to appreciate the beautiful nature of ups and downs.

So, when there's a down side in your life now, don't despair. It’s so happen you are on the down side of the see saw. Things will change soon as we ride this see saw.
So, have fun riding the see-saw in this playground called life!

Corporate heaven...is there such a thing?

2005-06-15T14:33:00.000+08:00

Most working people have split personalities. How can we tell? They behave so differently in their personal life from their working life. Some can be a loving father at home but a monster at work. Some are such educationists to their kids but yet never want to learn anything new at work.

Many have found a good reason to justify the way they behave. "Have to earn a living, right?" In other words, who cares about the methods and behaviour as long as I can get what I think is noble?

Equipped with this reason, many justify why it's ok to lie at work, 'tah pau' toilet rolls for home use, gain trust from bosses by supplying office rumours.

We must understand that in the works of karma or in the eyes of god: lying is lying while cheating is plain cheating.

If lying 100 times 'earns' you a big slap, it doesn't matter whether it comes from work or from private life because lying is still lying. Hell doesn't differentiate unwholesome actions from work or home.

When we say we want to lead a quality life, it doesn't mean only our private life. It should encompass work life too. We spend at least half of our waking hours at work. Our colleagues see us more than our family. Any compromise in work life simply means 'a life half lived'.

What shall we do? It's quite simple actually. Extend to your office as a part of your private life (what?? Sleeping during work hours?), and also extend your work life to the home (you mean continue to work at home? No way!!)

Hold your horses please! It doesn't mean we do it physically and literally. It means we need to equip our minds and our environment with the common fundamentals that we can apply at work as well as at home.

We have neighbours at home. Do we have one at work? Do we know anyone in the next office? We review our business quarterly. Do we review our personal progress?

In short, identify the positive values that we practice at work and extend it to our home. The same goes to the positive family values we have at home. If punctuality is a big thing at home, extend this value to work.

Once we are able to merge work and home, our split personalities will gradually disappear. 'We become ourselves' again.
So go ahead, make yourself at home...in the office!

Everyone is right (then who is wrong?)

2005-06-06T01:27:00.000+08:00

There was this humorous zen story about some monks (monks again!!?)

2 monks were arguing on a contoversial topic. After a long debate, they still couldn't determine who was right. So, they decided to ask their master to decide.

When the 1st monk presented his viewpoints, the master quickly agreed that he was right. The 1st monk was satisfied and showed the 2nk monk a 'l-told-you' look.

The 2nd monk was shocked and explained to the master why his views were right and the 1st monk was wrong. The master, after pondering for a moment, also agreed with the 2nd monk! The 2nd monk also felt satisfied as truth finally prevailed.

At that time, there was also another monk that was attending to the master in the room. This monk was most shocked as he couldn't believe his respected master actually agreed with the 2 monks despite they had opposing views.

He agitatedly asked the master, "How can Master support 2 opposing views? Don't you think you are misleading your disciples?"

The master, without any hesitation, replied "You are right too!!!"

If you think this story is humorous, then that's how funny we are at times. All try to insist that their opinions are right which I believe we really are, based on our own perspective, background and what we view as priorities.

Many have heard of the saying 'seeing is believing'. However, do you know that each person that looks into a mirror see different images depending on where we stand?

To demonstrate our priority can make us feel so right, try answer this question:

"If you have $100,000, will you donate to an orphanage or an old folks home?"

No matter which organization you go for, you are RIGHT. Some argue that the orphans have a better future hence they should donate to orphanage. If that's true, what about letting the old folks have a good end since they have not much time left?

So, which one now? Still orphanage? Still old folks? Go with your priority. That's right. Just remember one thing: If you choose orphanage, don't argue with those who donate to old folks because...

You are right
They are right
I'm also right!

You can buy happiness, you know...

2005-05-30T07:15:00.000+08:00

As opposed to a lot of movies, stories and even sermons, the conclusion at the end seems pretty standard: Money cannot buy everything. It can't buy love definitely according to the movie 'Indecent Proposal'.

I beg to differ. I think everyone can buy happiness. I have bought it before and bought some again yesterday. Let me share the secret with you...

Remember this : Each time you ‘draw out notes, aid the endangered', you are actually buying happiness. If you wonder why the first letter of the phrase quoted is bolded, it combines to give you the word ‘donate’!

In the Longman’s dictionary, the word ‘donate’ means ‘to give something, especially money, to a person or an organization in order to help them’

In my dictionary (in the mind only), the following can be found:

Donate (verb) - the act of buying happiness, originated from the mnemonics 'draw out notes, aid the endangered'

So, each time when we donate money to charity, remember that we are not actually parting with our money but are actually buying happiness. Just like any other products that we buy in a shop, it is sometimes a ‘cash and carry’ where you pay at the checkout and get it instantly. On the other hand, there are also products that involve a delivery such as a big piece of furniture.

The same goes to happiness. When you buy happiness (i.e. donate), sometimes you get instant happiness but there are some that come very much later, such as donations to construct an orphanage. Regardless of ‘cash & carry’ or ‘delivery-required’ happiness, you will sure get it. And if you are of the ‘kiasu’ type, then make sure you maximize your happiness when you have already paid for it!

So, ladies and gentlemen, kiasu or non-kiasu, get ready to:

‘draw out notes, aid the endangered'

Can you drive with your head keep looking back?

2005-05-22T10:22:00.000+08:00

There's an interesting story about 2 monks. They were about to cross a river and in front was a helpless woman trying to cross too. One monk decided to carry the woman on his shoulder and crossed. The other monk was shocked as monks were not supposed to have contact with women.

When they reached the other side of the river bank, the 1st monk left the woman there and continued their journey. The other monk was still shocked and complaint that the 1st monk should not have done that.

After an hour of non-stop nagging, the 1st monk finally broke the silence and said,"I have left the woman at the river bank but you still carry that thought till here!"

This is a good story about clinging to a passing moment. A 'passing moment' to me is an event that is very important during then but yet no impact on the future. In time management, we use to call that 'urgent but not important'. When I miss a turn, my most normal reaction is always a world standard...curse the country and all the ancestors! I realized all those agitation was actually meaningless and missing a turn was just another 'passing moment' like carrying the woman across the river.

If the moment is gone, why should our mind keep clinging to it. Isn't it better to translate the agitation into positive energy and look for the next solution (next u-turn)? Keep looking back (clinging) will not change anything but only slow down our life from progressing.

So, the next time your computer hangs, re-boot. Lost a bag? Buy. Miss an appointment? Re-arrange. Lost a friend? Befriend.

Happy Wesak Day!

If only time is reversible...

2005-05-20T08:23:00.000+08:00

Imagine you walk into a hospital and in ward no.1, you see a patient buckling and unbuckling his helmet strap. A nurse besides him records the number of times the patient has completed this repetitive action. In ward no.2, another patient is looking left and right. Another nurse is counting the times the patient is doing this.

You may guess this is a mental hospital. Actually, it's not. It's a futuristic hospital because scientists have found out how to reverse time.

Ward no.1
The patient does not buckle the helmet strap each time he rides a motorcycle. On his 1289th time of riding, his motorcycle skidded and he sustained head injuries as his unbuckled helmet came off during the accident.

His doctor (a time-travel scientist) managed to determine the accident took place at the 1289th time he rode a bike. He prescribed his medication to the nurse when the patient was still unconscious. The doc instructed the nurse,"ask patient to repeat the buckling and unbuckling for 1289th time and he should recover!"

If time is reversible, that's how patients are cured. Unfortunately, we have not found how to time travel yet. But don't be despair. The above method to cure is still the same but with one very minor condition i.e. You have to do it BEFORE the accident happens. For patient in ward no.1, he would have 'cured' his head injury if he had buckled his helmet each time he rides his bike. Simple isn't?

How many times have we seen others (may be ourselves) ignore safety just because we are lazy to do so? As parents, we keep complaining how lazy our kids are. Could they have been inspired by their parents who make illegal u-turns every day when sending the kids to school?

Can you guess what has happened to the guy in ward no.2? A small clue...did your primary school teacher asked you to look right, look left and look right again before doing something?

Control is the cure?

2005-05-18T14:36:00.000+08:00

I have many friends including bosses that are on medication for hypertension. According to these guys, 'things are under control' and hence, it's okay to continue with current lifestyle and stress levels. What you need to do is just make sure you take your medicine on time.

I find it amazing as to me, anyone who is prescribed with medication should be a sick person...more so, if the mdeication is supposed to be taken long term. On the contrary, many of these guys choose to think themselves as 'healthy' except for some 'minor' problems like hypertension. If that's the case, when do we conclude a person as unhealthy? When they collapse in the office or when he is in ICU?

This, to me is the ailment of the modern society. Not so much the disease itself but the attitude towards the disease. We always try to find a short cut. Instead of changing our lifestyle, we prefer to find some magical cure that allows us to go on with our current lifestyle, knowing very well that it is unhealthy.

Most people prefer to 'work out' in the physiotherapy clinic instead of the gym
Most people prefer to breath through an oxygen mask instead of through Qigong
Most people choose medication instead of meditation

What is your choice?